I’m panting by the time I run the few blocks into town. As the brick buildings of Main Street come into view, I slow down to catch my breath. The streets aren’t empty. There are still a few people milling around, taking in the holiday decorations scattered around the town center and sipping hot chocolate from a street vendor set up near the gazebo. Twinkling lights and colorful garlands leer at me cheerfully as I rush down the sidewalk.
Music and laughter filter out of Double Shot as I walk past the doors. I glance inside but there is no sign of Ronin. Everything else on the block is closed at this hour, but the street lamps are on, staying lit well past midnight to see the late night patrons home safely. The gazebo looms ahead, and as I get close enough to see the benches under the roof, the emptiness stares back at me.
I’m too late.
Shit.
I jog up the steps and spin in the middle. The familiar brick buildings and cheerful holiday lights streak my vision and my thoughts whirl, memories of countless nights spent under this very roof tumbling through my hazy mind. My heart clenches, a vision of Ronin out there somewhere searching for me flashing before myeyes. I scoff at the thought. How self-centered am I? As if Ronin doesn’t have better things to do at this hour than wait around for me. The best friend who left him.
Oh, God. What if he has a girlfriend? The thought never even crossed my mind until now, but what if he went home where someone is waiting forhim?Waiting to hear how the conversation went with the ex-best friend who came home for the holidays? This is like a bad Hallmark movie. Small-town romance, except this time, the guy is already taken and the girl is too damn late.
Tears prick at my eyes, and I reach up to wipe them in frustration. Sitting down on one of the benches, I pull my phone back out, swiping through my messages until I find Bree, cursing myself for not adding Ronin’s contact back into my phone when I’d gotten a new number a couple of years back. Besides, right now, I just needed my best friend—the only one I had left.
Hey, you around? SOS at the gazebo. Bring booze
Be right there
Bree finds me twenty minutes later still sitting under the gazebo, hands frozen—because of course I ran out of the house in a panic and forgot my gloves. And my hat. Oh, and of course it started to rain.
“Hey, hun.” Bree jogs up the steps, a canvas tote bag hanging from her arm and the clinking sounds of bottles coming from within. She looks warm despite the weather, wrapped up in a puffy, pale blue jacket with a huge umbrella overhead.
My eyes fill with tears again. I swear, I didn’t cry this much in LA. There must be something in this small-town air.
“I fucked up, Bree,” I breathe, taking a deep gulp. “How did it all get so messed up?”
She comes to sit next to me on the bench. Her expression is somber as she drops her umbrella and sets the bag down between us before pulling me into a hug.
“Is this about Ronin?” Her voice is soft as she pulls away, leaning back to peer at me and wipe tears from my cheeks with her gloved fingers.
I nod. “I was supposed to meet him here tonight. We were going to talk—finallytalk. But I fell asleep.” I pull away from the hug, tucking my legs underneath me as I sit back. “He probably thinks I didn’t care enough to meet him. He probably went home to his gorgeous girlfriend and their adorable, fluffy cat, and their perfect little house with a white picket fence, and told her all about how I couldn’t even be bothered to show up?—”
“Hold up.” Bree puts her hand out in astopgesture. “What fucking girlfriend are you talking about? And when did Ronin get a cat? Isn’t he allergic to cats?”
“Oh, yeah he is, you’re right. Okay, so it’s probably an adorable, fluffy dog, then.”
“Mellie, Ronin doesn’t have a girlfriend.” Bree’s hand comes to rest on my shoulder, anchoring me. “He hasn’t dated anyone in years, as far as I know. Are you drunk already? Did I even need to bring these?” She opens the tote bag between us and pulls out two bottles of rosé.
“No, I am not drunk, and yes, you absolutely needed to bring those. Can’t you see I’m having a meltdown?”
I grab one of the bottles, appreciating that it’s a twist cap and not a cork. I open it and take a swig right from the bottle.
“Oh, it’s one of those nights, then,” Bree observes. “Okay, guess we won’t be needing the plastic cups I brought, like a civilized person.” She grabs the bottle from me, takes a sip and hands it back, wiping her mouth with her gloved hand. “What’s really going on, babe? This isn’t just about missing Ronin tonight, is it?”
I play with the strap of the tote bag, flipping itover itself and back. I sigh, sipping from the wine bottle again, and meet Bree’s inquiring eyes. “I messed up when I left here, I know I did. This town…it felt so small to me back then, and I was starting to feel like my life was going nowhere.” My head tilts back and I stare up into the rafters of the gazebo. “I freaked out and had a mid-twenties crisis where I had an English degree and nowhere to use it.” A laugh escapes me. “And then my best friend tells me he thinks the two of us shouldbe together,maybe even get married. I do the only reasonable thing I can do and leave town in a panic, because he said helovedme and how was I supposed to just continue seeing him everyday?—”
“I’m sorry, excuse me?” Bree interrupts my tirade. I jump, the wine sloshing in the bottle, my eyes wide and innocent. She sends a narrow glare back at me, her expression shifting between anger and sadness. “Slow down. Ronin asked you tomarry himand you didn’t think to tell me?”
“I—I couldn’t even think about it, Bree. I was in panic-mode.” I clutch the wine tightly. The emotions from that night flood my body, and my chest constricts. “I didn’t tell anyone. I made an impulsive decision to leave, knowing my career was the perfect excuse. I’d been considering relocating to LA already and it was the best place I could think of to start over and make my degree useful. I found the first apartment I could online, packed up my shit, and left.” I drink from the bottle, letting it rest in my lap as I sit cross-legged on the bench. “The truth is that I ran away—ran from Ronin and that wounded look in his eyes. How was I supposed to see him everyday and pretend that my very presence wasn’t hurting him? Reminding him that I rejected him not once, buttwicenow? I had to leave to protect his heart, protect him fromme. At least, that’s how I justified it.” I close my eyes and sigh. “Really, I was selfish. I never stopped to consider leaving might actually hurt him more than staying.”
Bree grabs the wine, taking a big sip. “You know, I always wondered what had gone down between the two of you. But when time went on and neither of you opened up to me, I just figured maybe it was as simple as Ronin being pissed you left. Idon’t know.” She rubs at the label on the rosé. “I had no idea it was something as huge as this though, Mellie.” She frowns at me. “Was the idea of being with Ronin so terrible, then?”
That’s just it. It wasn’t so terrible. Not then, and not even now, if I’m honest with myself. Andthatis what scared the life out of me back then.
“No, I suppose not. It was weird, though. It was just out of nowhere.” I pause. “One day, everything was normal. The next day, Ronin’s confessing his love and saying things like he wants to spend his life with me, and I’m—what? Supposed to just agree to this? Be happy about this? We were best friends, Bree, that wasn’t supposed to be what happened.” I shake my head. “We made that mistake once and it ended horribly. It almost ruined us. I couldn’t understand what he was thinking, risking our friendship again with words likeloveandmarriage. It scared the shit out of me.” I sniff, tears threatening to erupt once more. “God, I was so stupid.”
“That mistake—are you referring to when you slept together?” Bree asks, and I nod.
“Ronin wanted to give us a real shot back then, did you know?” My heart twists as I recall the look on his face when I said no. “I don’t think I ever really told you why we fought afterward. I was so scared of losing his friendship, and I almost did.”
