I did know. There was nothing like being in control of every aspect of your life. Except who you fell for. But she wasn’t asking about that.
Rylee ran the café at the bookshop and Bartended at my favorite queer bar. She used to be the barista at Brewed Awakening, but when Drea did renovations, she’d asked Rylee to work at the café for double her salary. She also did photography on the side and I still couldn’t wait to see the pictures from the wedding.
“Definitely. Can I get my usual, please. And I think I’d like to try that lemon poppyseed muffin.”
“You got it. One matcha latte coming up.”
I found an empty table near the door and snatched it up. It was a Saturday afternoon and the place was packed. Everyone with laptops and notebooks getting some type of work done. I was usually one of those people. I loved café work days, but today was a forced day off. Since being with Vera, I found myself taking more of those.
I used to go months without even one day off. Working until late at night, but I’ve been learning to take more time for myself. I had to find a work-life balance that was healthy for me. It wasn’t going so well, but I was trying. Vera had a full-time job and she volunteered as a sexy-ass firefighter. If she could find time to relax and have a life, so could I.
Rylee brought over my order and said she was just getting off her shift. I invited her to stay and chat, but she had to get home to her wife, Lana, and their son, Greyson. He had a soccer game and she’d never missed one yet.
I waved her off and was surprised to see Fallon walking in without Mackenzie. Since they got married, they’d been connected at the hip.
“Fallon? Where’s your other half? You’re never without her,” I teased.
She looked at me surprised and smiled, walking over. “That’s not true! I’m without her all the time! I’m without her right now! She’s at Harper’s. The baby’s been giving her trouble so Kenzie offered to help. I tried to go with her but she demanded I stay home and rest. Can I sit?”
“Of course.” I motioned to the empty chair. “I can see you’re a good listener.” I laughed.
“Yeah, well, I didn’t walk here, so that’s a start. I was getting bored sitting at home alone and I wanted to see if I could find some children’s books. I’m literally due any day now.”
I smiled as she settled into her seat and huffed out an exhausted breath. It was so weird to see all of my friends growing up in their relationships while I was just getting into mine and not knowing where it was going to lead.
“Anyway, how are you? How are things with Vera? I still can’t believe you’re together. I mean, you’re cute as hell together, and she’s totally in love with you, but I never thought I’d see you with someone like her.”
I decided to not comment on the love portion of her statement. I didn’t want to dive into those thoughts. “Someone like her? Do you mean?—”
“Someone who’s definitely not a femme. I mean, that’s all I’ve seen you with since I’ve known you, and that’s all you talk about. I’d never pictured you with a butch, but you two just… go together.”
Did we? I mean, I felt like it wasn’t a question at this point. I didn’t know my life without her anymore, and I was beginning to realize that maybe I didn’t necessarily have a type. Maybe I was just comfortable with women who looked like me because they happened to be the ones I crossed paths with. I’d never been approached by a butch, or stud, or anyone who wasn’t femme, so I’d never gotten to know them.
I was ashamed to admit that I most definitely judged people like Vera on their appearance. I couldn’t imagine what would’ve happened if I never gave her a chance that night. I never would’ve gotten the privilege to know the person she is and have that energy in my life.
“Speaking of. I wanted to apologize again about that night at Queer Quarters. I know, we’ve apologized so many times, but I still feel really awful about how it all went down. You know things were complicated back then, but it’s no excuse for how we both treated you. And then for me to go to the bathroom and… I should’ve gone after you and made sure you were okay. I’m really sorry, Cara.”
“Fallon, it’s okay. We’ve been over this. We were all young, and things were weird between you two. It wasn’t like we slept together. There is literally no reason for you guys to keep apologizing. Please let it go. I have! It was a long time ago.”
“I know, I know. I just still feel terrible about the whole thing. But you’re right. If you’ve let it go, I should too. I will eventually, okay? But in the meantime, I have something else to apologizefor. I was going to call you tonight, but I’m glad I caught you now.”
“Oh, no. What?” I asked nervously.
“Rebecca. Ugh, I hate even saying her name. Rylee told me what happened. I can’t believe she flirted with you. I mean, I can, you’re gorgeous and she’s Rebecca. I just mean I can’t believe the fucking nerve. I’ve already had to calm Mackenzie down after Rylee told her. She went ballistic. I mean, face red, yelling and cursing. It was bad. She wanted to go find her, but I made her promise me she wouldn’t. She’s also in the past and I don’t want to give her any more power. I’m glad Rylee handled things and I’m so sorry that happened.”
“Oh. That. That was a little weird, but I appreciated that Rylee had your back. I also love how protective Mackenzie can get with you. It’s cute as hell, but seriously, there’s no need to apologize.”
She smiled and stood up. “I better run before Kenzie finds me and literally carries me out. It was so good seeing you, Cara. You look happy.”
I returned the hug she gave me. “I can totally see her doing that.” I laughed. “You take care of yourself, Fallon. Rest more! And I am happy.”
“Good. It’s been a long time coming. I hope it sticks around, you know? Anyway, I’ll call you later. Bye.” I waved her off and she was out the door.
“Yeah, me, too,” I said to the empty cafe. I stayed a little longer after Fallon left before I headed home.
When I got settled into my favorite red silk pajama set, I carried my freshly made hot chocolate to the couch and started checking emails before I stopped myself.
I had Vera’s voice in the back of my head telling me I could check my email tomorrow. In the back of my mind I could admit that I maybe worked a little too much, and that maybe it was away to keep myself distracted from the fact that I was single and alone. If I focused on work, I didn’t have time to sit alone on my couch and feel emptiness.
