Qiang’s eyes flutter to mine before looking away again. I don’t think they are awkward because they are still mad, or even because I’m not wearing a shirt, as much as my ego could have used the boost. No, they seem embarrassed, maybe even shamefaced after what happened last night. Not that they should be. As Darryl said, we both fucked up.
“Um…no, the pie crust ended up in the trash. Pie crusts and crepes are not the same… never mind, it’s not important. I just wanted to say that I’m sorry, you know, for some of the stuff I said. I wasn’t mad at you, but I took it out on you. I just—you’re an important friend to me, and I’m not great at showing that sometimes. Last night was absolutely awful in every way, and I just. I’m sorry,” they huff out, and I can tell they aren’t great at apologies.
Something we have in common because I’ve never been good at them either. I tend to rarely ever be wrong to have to deliver them. (I can practically hear Darryl snorting in my ear at the thought.) At least this time, I know Qiang deserves the same courtesy, especially since if they are anything like me, I know how much pride they had to swallow to do all of this in the first place.
“I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have pushed you so hard. You keep telling me to back off, and I keep pushing forward, so it’s on me too,” I breathe out, meeting their eyes and letting them see the sincerity in them.
Qiang nods, ever so slightly. “So, friends, still?”
Part of me is flying because I’m important enough for them to make this kind of effort for; that they think I’m someone they want to keep enough to try. But another part of me is in my feet because I know a line is being drawn in Qiang’s words. They are giving me the boundaries they are safe with, and if I’m ever to have a real shot, thenI know I need to abide by their very constraining boundaries for the foreseeable future.
I swallow a lump down my throat and nod. “Yes, friends, Qiang.”
“And crepes?” They remind me of the plate in their hands as they nudge it back towards me. “I looked it up before I made them, so they have extra protein and freshly cut blueberries and strawberries with no syrup.”
I look back at the very appetizing plate of sweet smells and fresh fruit. “They look delicious, but you didn’t have–”
“I did. I really, really did,” Qiang rushes out, cutting me off. “Not just because of what happened, but because aftereverythingthat happened last night, I needed to getsomethingright. Anyway, I’m gonna take a nap. Good luck with your practice,” they say quickly before dropping the plate in my hands and practically racing back to their room.
I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face as their door snicks shut behind them. Yeah,friendsisn’t exactly where I want to be, but it’s better than nothing, and honestly, after last night, the smile on their face this morning is worth it. Maybe they still have a way to go, but I think once they accept the help they need, it won’t be that hard for them to drive that idiot out of their head.
BONDING WITH QI
Marcus’s POV
“Hey man, I was wondering if you’d tell me more about demiromanticism,” I ask, tipping my head to the side.
It’s late evening after dinner, and Qi is down here scrolling through a textbook after Tristan somehow cajoled Qiang into giving him a makeover. I could sit here and pretend like I don’t know what prompted Tristan’s random desire to explore makeup, but it’s obvious he’s trying to get a few moments alone with Qiang. Not gonna lie, if he doesn’t come down here and show us the completed look, I may never talk to him again.
I’ve had a feeling most of this week that Tristan was working his way up to stealing a few moments with Qiang after Darryl let it drop that Qi’s been enough of a mess over all of this for Tristan to call Darryl for some backup support. And I’ve had most of this past week to seriously reflect on the things Darryl said to me as well.
Qiang and I have been alright. A bit skittish and overly polite when we’re around each other, but other than that, we haven’t really existed much in each other’s spheres. They’ve buried themselves in their classes and channel, and I’ve buried myself in classes andfootball. I’ve also made more of an effort to have lunch with Tristan and to be home for dinner more often.
But with Tristan and Qiang upstairs right now, that just leaves Qi and me down here, and I think it wouldn’t hurt to build a stronger foundation with Qi. I mean, I already think the world of the guy, and he’s gonna be a part of my life forever now, so might as well bridge a stronger gap.
He looks up at me with surprise at the random question. “I mean, what do you want to know? I can give you personal experience or the research, because people don’t always have the same experiences,” he says curiously.
“What do you mean?” I’d thought it was a simple question, but maybe not.
He shrugs lightly, sitting up from the textbook and angling his chair more towards me. “Well, like, I’m a demiromantic aceflux. My experiences fluctuate because I experience romantic and sexual attraction differently. I think for a lot of people, they either experience both attractions relatively the same, or they don’t really pay attention to how they may experience them differently, unless the differences are as big as they are for someone like me. I didn’t experience either attraction in a way that is normal by societal standards, and as a result, I dug deeper to understand why that was.”
“But like, can you be–what’s that word you use for sexually inclined people?” I ask, vaguely remembering some of the things and words he and Tristan have used to explain their sexualities, but there are a lot, and I don’t remember them that well.
“Allosexual?” he asks to see if that’s the word I meant.
“Yeah, that one. Can you be allosexual and demiromantic?”
Qi nods. “Easily. It’s two different types of attractions.”
I ponder that for a moment before nodding a bit. “It’s just, I wonder, because I’ve never felt anything for anyone before Qiang. It kind of felt like what you said about not seeing Tristan that way until later. And I didn’t really see Qiang as much more than just someone I wanted to… er,” I trip up on the rest of the sentence because one, I’m talking to Qiang’s brother, and two, he’s definitely not the type to understand my lifestyle before Qiang.
“Fuck?” they supply quite helpfully, although, more than a bit surprisingly. Qi snorts and rolls his eyes at me. “I’m not a princess, nor am I naive to the concept that people find my sibling attractive. I don’t need details, but you don’t have to tiptoe around it either. It’s not like you haven’t been obvious since graduation anyway.”
I shake my head at that, then huff out a laugh. “Okay, fair enough. So, in the beginning, that’s all it was. I just wanted that, but couldn’t have it, you know. But then things changed, and I wanted things with them that I’ve never wanted with anyone before. Never even thought about it. I have my priorities, and getting tangled up in this emotional stuff was exactly what I was trying to avoid, you know. But I’m wondering if maybe I’m a bi/pan/omni/whatever-allosexual demiromantic.”
“What was that now?” Qi chuckles at that.
I shrug. “I don’t know, I’ve never felt the need to sit down and figure out exactly what my label is. I’m attracted to pretty people, and I really like body parts, like all of them, but I haven’t really sat with it beyond just living for what feels good and feels right to me.”
