He scrolled to a hookup app out of habit more than intention, and he stared at it, trying to remember the last time he’d used it. Evan let out a slow breath as he considered it, thumb hovering over the app icon until the screen dimmed and finally went dark, and that felt like an answer somehow. Evan slipped the phone back into his pocket and turned to stare at the city for a second before going inside. He needed to be somewhere else for a while, somewhere that didn’t offer a view of the building entrance and the risk of seeing things he couldn’t stop thinking about.
13
CJ
The hotel roomsmelled like bleach, sweat, and the air freshener housekeeping used too generously. The patterned carpet was rough under his bare feet, and he could hear the low hum of tractor-trailer engines bleeding through the walls. Obscenely bright lights from the parking lot slipped into the room through a narrow gap in the curtains. It was a shitty hotel, but CJ didn’t question why he was there. He never did when it felt like this. He turned slowly and took in the two double beds and the pair of duffel bags unzipped and half-empty on the floor.
“Lock the door,” Evan said quietly from the bed they had been sharing. His shirt was gone, and he wore only a pair of basketball shorts. His skin was flushed from the shower, and his curls were damp and loose against his forehead. His knees were spread wide as he leaned back on his hands, and when he looked up, his mouth curved into something mischievous and familiar.
CJ reached for the door and turned the deadbolt with a soft click that sounded too loud in his head. There were teammates in the next room and coaches down the hall. His pulse thumpedunder his skin and paranoia rose sharp and immediate, carrying with it the low-level terror of getting caught.
“You gonna stand there all night?” Evan’s voice was low and unbothered. He stood and slipped his shorts off, his cock hard, red, and already leaking precum.
CJ exhaled and moved without answering. The second he was close enough, Evan reached for him, curling his fingers into the hem of CJ’s T-shirt and yanking him forward until momentum sent them flat onto their backs, sideways across the bed, their legs hanging off the edge. Evan shifted them until he was sprawled on top. Their mouths crashed together in a kiss that was hungry and messy, and their teeth clacked together before Evan nipped CJ’s lower lip hard enough to sting. CJ responded by dragging his fingers slowly and deliberately over his skin. His nails were just sharp enough to make Evan hiss under his breath.
“CJ,” Evan complained, but CJ heard the plea for more in his voice.
CJ rolled them until Evan was beneath him and pinned his hands above his head, kissing him instead. Evan met him eagerly, hips lifting and his body arching as he chased the friction he desperately wanted. CJ ground down, the pressure slow and intentional, and Evan let out a wrecked sound that went right through him.
“Jesus,” Evan whispered, eyes squeezed shut. “You always?—”
“I know,” CJ said against his mouth.
And he did know. He knew how Evan reacted to this, to being held down and kissed senseless. He knew how Evan liked the pressure, liked to feel pinned and claimed at the same time. CJ released him long enough to pull his T-shirt over his head before he buried his face in the curve of Evan’s neck. Evan’s hands roamed up his sides and down his back before hookinginto the waistband of CJ’s shorts. CJ’s breath hitched, and Evan paused.
“You’re thinking again,” Evan whispered against CJ’s mouth, his breath hot and minty. “Stop.”
CJ tried. God help him, he tried. He let Evan roll them until he was on his back again, let Evan pull his shorts off before he straddled CJ’s hips with a weight that grounded him and kept him present. Evan leaned over and braced his hands on either side of CJ’s head. His thighs bracketed CJ’s hips. His skin was hot where they were pressed together. He kissed CJ slowly, and CJ’s fingers slid up Evan’s back, tracing the curve and flex of his muscles as he memorized the way Evan arched into the touch. Evan trailed his mouth down CJ’s throat, scraping his teeth lightly along the curve of his neck. CJ felt Evan smile when he couldn’t hold back the low, keening noise that slipped out of him.
“Quiet,” Evan whispered. He pulled back with a wicked grin. “Or don’t be. I like how you sound when you let me take you apart.”
Evan shifted slightly, creating just enough friction to make CJ swear loudly. His breath stuttered, and Evan pressed his hips down, watching CJ’s face closely like his reactions were worth cataloging. He reached between them and wrapped his hand around CJ’s cock with a familiarity that only came from practice. Evan swiped his thumb over the slit and grinned when CJ arched off the bed with a sharp gasp. CJ twisted the sheets between his fingers, and Evan leaned down, his mouth hovering just above CJ’s ear.
“What do you want?” Evan murmured.
CJ swallowed hard and released the sheets, needing to touch him. His hands slid up sweat-slick skin until he cupped the back of Evan’s neck, pulling him into a kiss that was all teeth and desperation.
“Just—don’t stop.”
Evan laughed quietly and shifted his weight again, and the room filled with their breathing and the soft sounds they shared between them. Evan’s mouth trailed down CJ’s chest, teeth grazing and biting gently at his nipples, followed by the wet warmth of his tongue soothing the sting. There was no way CJ could stop the pleas that rose soft and broken from his throat. Evan slid to the floor and looked up at him from between his thighs. CJ propped himself up on his elbows to take in Evan, his eyes dark with desire and mouth slick with want, and it wrecked him completely.
“You’re beautiful like this,” Evan said quietly, reverent on his knees for him.
CJ’s chest ached at the words and at how easily Evan said things CJ never let himself believe. For a moment, time felt suspended, and CJ let himself feel how perfect they were together. Then Evan’s mouth was on him again, claiming and coaxing, while his hand worked him until CJ was nothing more than broken sounds and half-formed pleas, teetering on the edge.
Then Evan stopped abruptly, and the warmth of his mouth was replaced by the uncomfortable sensation of cold air over wet skin. CJ blinked as Evan pushed to his feet in front of him.
“What—” CJ started, cutting himself off when Evan laughed softly.
The sound wasn’t kind, and Evan stepped back, putting space between them as he grabbed his shirt and pulled it on. His movements were quick and controlled, and the easy warmth from moments ago had been replaced by something sharp and cold.
“You really don’t get it, do you?” Evan said, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand like he was trying to erase something. “This is the part you don’t get to keep.”
CJ’s stomach dropped. “Evan?—”
“No,” Evan cut in. His voice was flat and cold in a way CJ recognized immediately. “This is where you always get confused. You want me like this, in the dark. When it’s easy. When you can pretend we’re nothing more than friends tomorrow.”
Panic bloomed sharp and fast. “That’s not true,” CJ said hoarsely. Evan finally looked at him.
