“You don’t have to leave,” CJ interrupted as he pushed himself up too.
“I know,” Evan said. The defensiveness in his own voice surprised him, and he winced slightly when CJ’s jaw tightened.
“Okay.”
The single word was CJ’s way of backing off, but Evan heard the challenge in it. He watched as CJ swung his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed a pair of sweatpants from a nearby chair, keeping his back to Evan as he pulled them on. Evan realized he was staring, and he looked away to scan the room for his jeans, finally spotting them half under the bed where he’d kicked them the night before.
CJ disappeared into the attached bathroom, leaving Evan alone in the tangled sheets with his equally tangled thoughts. He sat there for a second longer before shaking his head and muttering,“What the hell are you doing?”under his breath. He stood to pull his jeans on.
The water turned on in the bathroom, and Evan paused halfway through fastening the button, his hands going still as he listened. It was such a normal moment, and he took in the sound of running water, a cabinet door opening, and the faint click of something he couldn’t identify. But it was the kind of background noise he wasn’t used to because he’d spent years being alone.
Evan exhaled slowly and finished buttoning his jeans, dragging a hand through his hair as he tried to find his shirt. He found it near the end of the bed, half-hidden in the twisted sheets, and he pulled it on as he padded out of the room. He should leave. Put some space between them so they could both think and reclaim some version of their normal lives. Instead, he made his way to the kitchen.
CJ’s coffeemaker was the most basic model, with just one switch to start it, and it was the only appliance on the counter. Evan had no problem locating the coffee and mugs in the cabinet above it, and he let the familiar motions of filling the reservoir with water and measuring the grounds settle him. By the time the machine started gurgling, Evan had almost convinced himself that everything would be okay. Almost. He leaned hishands against the counter and stared at the marble surface.What now?That was the question, wasn’t it?
The night before had been—Evan cut the thought off before it finished. He didn’t know what it had been, and he couldn’t think of a way to describe it that wouldn’t cause him to unravel slowly. But that was the problem, wasn’t it? If it had been just sex, he never would have spent the night, and he would know exactly how to compartmentalize and distance himself. But it hadn’t been just sex. It never could be with CJ. A sound behind him pulled Evan out of his head, and he stiffened before he could stop himself as he listened to CJ’s bare feet slap the floor before coming to a stop. Evan didn’t turn around immediately, and he braced himself for whatever happened next.
“I thought you’d left.”
Evan closed his eyes briefly, then opened them and turned. CJ was standing in the doorway, one bare shoulder braced against the frame, hair still tousled, and his sweatpants slung low on his hips. His eyes were still a little soft with sleep, but the second they focused on Evan, his lips curved in an easy smile.
Evan gripped the counter behind him as every coherent thought fled. CJ was unfairly attractive in a half-awake, rumpled way that would have brought anyone to their knees. Evan knew he was staring, but he didn’t know how he was supposed to stop when CJ had the audacity to look like that so early in the morning.
“What time is it anyway?” CJ asked as he pushed off the doorway and moved into the kitchen.
“Early,” Evan said.
CJ chuckled as he stepped up beside Evan at the counter. “Helpful.”
Evan’s entire body was on alert as CJ stood close enough that their arms brushed when he reached for one of the mugs Evan had pulled from the cabinet. CJ didn’t seem to notice. Or maybehe did and just didn’t care. The coffee was still trickling into the pot, and CJ stared at it without speaking for long enough that Evan started twitching with the need to fill the silence.
“You always wake up this early?” CJ asked just as Evan was about to fill the space with nonsense chatter.
He huffed out a quiet laugh. “Yeah. Habit.”
CJ frowned slightly as he thought about Evan’s answer. “I don’t remember that.”
Evan shrugged one shoulder. “You wouldn’t,” he said. “Early mornings and I weren’t friends back then. I got used to it after I got drafted. Early workouts, travel days… I guess it stuck.”
The coffeemaker gave a final loud gurgle, and Evan reached for the pot, pouring coffee into each of their mugs. “You still drink it black?”
CJ blinked. “Yeah.”
Evan shook his head, and his nostrils flared in disgust as he pulled open CJ’s fridge to find something to doctor his drink with. “I will never understand how you can do that. It’s so bitter.”
“It builds character,” CJ muttered with a roll of his eyes.
The exchange was one they’d had a hundred times before, and the familiarity made a dull ache flare in Evan’s chest. He didn’t look at CJ. Didn’t want to see if he remembered those little exchanges from the past or if Evan was the only one hit with the memory.
“You don’t even have real cream,” he said, holding up a jug of milk and squinting at the label.
“I wasn’t exactly expecting company this morning,” CJ said with a shrug, leaning back as he sipped his coffee. “It’ll work.”
“That’s debatable.” Evan poured a healthy amount into his mug anyway and watched the coffee lighten to a passable shade before taking a cautious sip. He grimaced. “It’s still bad. Do you have any sugar?”
“Nope,” CJ said. He chuckled when Evan made another disgusted face. “You’re so dramatic. Just don’t drink coffee if you don’t like it.”
Evan took a giant sip out of spite and smirked at CJ. They stood there for a moment, sipping their coffee in a pregnant silence. Finally, CJ sighed and set his mug down on the counter behind him.
