“Why are you doing all this?”
His eyes stayed fixed on his task while he answered.
“What do you mean?”
“You came after me. Why?”
“I didn’t want to leave things like that. I didn’t want you to think that I cared so little I could stand you feeling like a toy. The truth is that I care about you too much. I have for a long time. It killed me to watch you walk away.”
“I didn’t want to,” I whispered.
The next timeI came to I was wrapped in one of my fluffy blue towels. Avalanche was carrying me into my bedroom. He set me down on my bed and headed for the dresser in the corner of my room. He rummaged around, grabbing a pair of plaid pajama pants from the third drawer and an oversized t-shirt from the top.
“Here.” He left them folded at the edge of the bed. “I should go.”
“Stay.” I met his gaze. “Please.”
He searched my face. I didn’t know what he was looking for, but he must have found it because he nodded.
“I’ll grab you a water while you change. Okay?”
“Thank you.”
He closed the door behind him.
“V,you have to get changed. You’re getting your bed all wet.”
I couldn’t get my eyes open. My brain was barely conscious. I think Avalanche was sitting next to me on the bed, but I honestly couldn’t be sure.
“Everything…heavy.”
“I know, V. But you can’t sleep like this, love.”
I would have smiled if I had more energy. I’d teased him months ago about being a softy. He’d scoffed then, but he was totally.Love. How was I supposed to stay mad at him after all this? I let him sit me up.
“Can you help me?”
I finally got my eyes to open. I’m not sure I would have been able to read his expression even if I was sober. Confused? Hesitant? Pained?
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re drugged and mad at me. And my self-control is hanging by a thread.”
“Please. I feel like goo. Just help me get the t-shirt on, take the tank top off from underneath.”
“Okay.”
He slipped the shirt over my head. I reached underneath to slid the tank top sleeves down my arms. I struggled to get it down to my hips, where he helped me lift off the bed so he could pull it off over my legs. Then he helped me get my arms into the t-shirt sleeves. By the time he leaned back his breathing was ragged and his nails were digging into his palms so hard there were marks.
“Thank you.”
“I’m sorry,”Avalanche’s voice was so soft, so far away I could barely hear it. “I wish I could take it all back. That I could stay without worrying what might happen to you if I do. There’s so much you don’t know, so much I wish I could tell you, but it’s not safe.”
His thumb gently brushed across my cheek. I tried to open my eyes but they wouldn’t budge. I was too tired.
“One day I’ll finish this. Then I can tell you everything while you’re conscious enough to remember it. Maybe you’ll neverforgive me for walking away now, but at least you won’t be a target.”
