“You don’t want me to. Don’t worry, sweetheart, I’ll take care of?—”
I was yanked from his grip. I heard a scream. I heard begging. All I could think was that I had to get away, but I could barely keep myself up right, let alone get my legs to move.
Then, strong arms wrapped around me, pulled me close. I relaxed immediately. My senses were overwhelmed by the familiar smell of whisky, ice, and cinnamon, and I knew I was safe because Avalanche was here. He’d make sure I got home okay. I could trust him with anything.
Except my heart. I needed to keep that locked up tight.
He held me to his chest.
“It’s okay, it’s me. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
“I know.”
I wasin and out of it all night.
The first time I came to, Avalanche was setting me down on bathroom floor. He pulled my hair from my face and had me lean over the toilet.
“This is going to suck but we have to get as much of the drugs out of your system as we can.”
I nodded slowly; everything was still spinning.
“I trust you.”
Then his fingers were down my throat and I was vomiting. He did it two more times just to make sure my stomach was empty. Once he was convinced, he helped me sit up and lean against the wall while he flushed the toilet then grabbed a face towel to clean me up. He ran it under warm water before using it to wipe my mouth. I thought he was going to leave it at that but he grabbed my makeup wipes from off the counter and took off my makeup too. His movements were so gentle I was sure I’d melt under his touch. Then he grabbed a new face cloth, ran it under the warm water again, and used it to wet my face before he grabbed my face wash. He circled his fingers over my cheeks then my chin and forehead.
“Close your eyes,” he said softly.
I did but I didn’t want to. I wanted to keep watching him. I didn’t know if this was a dream or real but I wanted to keep seeing him like this. Soft, gentle, tender. Watch him while helooked at me like he cared. Like I meant something to him. Like he might even love me.
I felt the cloth over my face again. When he pulled away I went to open my eyes.
“Keep them closed. Just another minute.”
I did.
I didn’t know how I kept myself from crying when I felt my moisturizer touch my skin. But my tears stayed at bay.
“Okay,” he said softly.
My eyes fluttered open to find him at the bathroom counter, putting everything he’d taken back where he found it.
“Can you stand or do you need my help?”
“Help,” was all I managed.
Once he was satisfied he’d gotten everything back in order, he walked back over and took my hands. I got my feet under me and slowly rose. He walked backward while I focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
I stopped at the sink, pulling one hand from his to rest on the counter, to keep myself upright. I hated the taste in my mouth, I needed to brush my teeth.
I reached for my toothbrush but ended up knocking over the cup holding it. Apparently that was my breaking point because tears started pouring from my eyes. Silent, broken tears. The ones I shed when life came crashing down and I remembered my parents were gone—that I was alone. When it was 3 a.m. and the darkness swallowed me whole. When the pain was so overwhelming I couldn’t even find the strength to make a sound.
Avalanche wrapped around me and pulled me against him. At some point, he was the only thing keeping me grounded in reality. I let my head fall back against his chest while he ran his hand over my arm.
I caught him watching me through the mirror. The cold and detached look from earlier was gone, replaced with a look ofpure devastation. Like every one of my tears was gutting him. But he didn’t say anything, just held me and waited for the tears to stop flowing.
I didn’t knowhow long passed before I came to again but this time I was sitting on the floor of the shower. I was in my tank top and underwear but nothing else. Avalanche was kneeling on the floor outside the shower with the door open and the nozzle in his hand.
My cheeks flushed. I just threw up and now I was sitting in front of him basically naked. But he wasn’t looking at me. Well he was—all his focus was on my hair.
