As I crossed the threshold of glass and frame, Reagan turned. His robe caught the wind, revealing a bare, chiselled chest and the angry scar cutting across one side, where his heartstone used to be. A fine dusting of hair traced down from his navel, his lower muscles tapering into angular lines before disappearing beneath low-slung trousers.
I would never tire of looking at Reagan.
Behind him, the night sky was veiled, the moon swallowed by clouds, leaving only the faint candlelight to wash the balcony in greyish-yellow light.
Then I met his eyes, stormy and tense, and my thoughts scattered all over again, the warmth inside me snuffed out by that single look.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, moving closer to where he stood near the railing.
“I needed to speak with you. Alone.” His voice was taut, his gaze unyieldingly stern.
“You vanished after dinner,” I murmured. “How did you know I’d be here?”
He exhaled slowly. “Because you are not hard for me to predict.”
My lips pressed thin, though it was no surprise that he knew. Reagan gave me space, but it didn’t mean he would stay away.
“What is it?” I asked.
Power rippled through the air around him. His access was so dense now, spilling from him as if it were second nature.
“I’m out of time,” he said, his voice low, rough. “I’ve been avoiding some of the magisters for weeks, and they know it. Quarrel finally had the nerve to summon me after pestering us with letters.”
No. It was too soon. We needed more time.
“What do you have to give him?” I asked.
“I need to confirm who will take on Ladyship in two months,” he said. “If I don’t give him a name, I’ll be forced to invite potential matches to the Hall. And get to know them.”
I breathed in, because that thought… It brought a wave of nausea to my stomach.
Reagan waited, his eyes so hard they pinned me in place.
“I need more time,” I murmured. “My exams haven’t shown anything yet. And I haven’t wielded alone.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I spoke to Hildegard after dinner.”
He knew, then, that I had nothing to show. That the results from my last exam still amounted to a pitiful number.
“I can manage divination if Laerune siphons to me,” I admitted. “And I have seen things when I’m awake now. Visions.”
“But not at will yet?” he asked wearily.
My shoulders lifted in a heavy inhale. I shook my head.
“Jane,” he whispered, his cool hands cupping my shoulders. “It doesn’t change anything for me. I was ready to give them your name, but I knew I should ask you first. Tell me that I shouldhave given it to them already. Tell me I’m worrying for nothing because you would agree to this anyway.”
I wanted to. But trust, in this, would be blind faith, and I had never been fond of relying on blind faith. “What if I agree and never manage to wield?”
“I spoke with Evenwood too. She told me you have blockers because you’re untrained, but it’s nothing you can’t overcome with time. The problem is we’re out of time. I have to give them an answer or invite the other women over.”
Tension gathered at the corners of his mouth as his hands rose to cradle my neck. “I know the demand isn’t fair. I know what I’m asking. But you’ll have time to learn. I just need to give them your name now, but you’ll have time.” He studied my face. “Say yes.”
Say yes.
I did trust him. Yet when I opened my mouth, the lump in my throat thickened, and no sound emerged.
If I failed, Reagan would carry all the responsibilities that I wouldn’t be able to, all the weight of the burden. My insides rioted at the thought.
