I stepped back. “Seraphyn told me what is expected of a Lady according to your oath. Protect the realm. Guide the people to prosperity. Wield great power with wisdom. Act for the good of the many.” I sighed. “How can I say yes to that?”
“We’ll start with different responsibilities,” he said swiftly, as if he’d thought about this. “We’ve worked together for months. We’ve managed just fine.”
I shook my head before I even realised it, watching him step closer again.
“Buy us more time,” I asked. “I need more time. They can’t really force you, can they? Mountheim is progressing.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw as Reagan looked out over the city behind us. “They will only see where I’m failing, not where I’msucceeding. There’s still unrest in the Highlands. They believe that if I’m bonded, the land will recover faster.” He dragged a hand through his hair, frustration etched into every line of him. He hated this.
“And will it?” I asked. “Do you think it would get better? If I became your…”
I bit the inside of my cheek and cursed myself for the hesitation. I couldn’t bring myself to say it.
“I don’t care,” he snapped. “If it takes a year or a month for the soil to improve. I don’t have enough in me to care about that. You shouldn’t care either, not about that or whether they like you.”
“I don’t need them to like me.” Though that would make things easier. “I don’t need them to like me, but I need them to trust me, to trust my competence, don’t I? Why would anyone welcome me? You told me yourself that you need a credible staff. Everything I’ve managed so far has been luck. I can’t offer you anything, so I think that’s rather relevant—”
He gasped a single outraged laugh. My eyes widened in disbelief.
“Sorry. I’m not sure I’ve ever heard you underestimate yourself quite so spectacularly,” he said. The humour faded quickly. “You’re reluctant because of your access. I understand that. But you’re fixated on this one issue and forgetting why you’ll make a formidable Lady. You’ll defend the estate the way you defend yourself. You’re clever, and far more compassionate than I am. You have a great deal to offer.”
Heat flooded my face.
Reagan loosed a breath that seemed to stretch forever. His tone was cooler as he continued. “I wish I had more time to be with you and practise with you. I wish you had more time to learn in peace like everyone else. I wish you’d never had thatcursed ring. I have enough wishes to fill a bowl, and none of them will change this.”
The cold air eased the heat from my cheeks. He wasn’t wrong, and I tried to think objectively.
“What do we tell Malory?” I asked.
Reagan’s eyes were thunderous, cutting past me and drifting toward the sky as if searching for the answer there.
We were speaking of bonding ourselves, and to me, it should have looked like a marriage. My chest swelled at the thought. I’d never thought of anyone as my…husband before. Yet there was nothing romantic in this. Whoever he bonded with would probably be weighed and challenged by magisters and mages alike.
Power writhed from him. Reagan wore the same expression he had when he couldn’t find why the wards were faltering. Now, with his access recovered, I could feel that apprehension press against my skin like a dense cloud.
Choosing me had felt like a decisive moment for him. Maybe I had been the right choice then, the last person he got to love before the curse stole that chance from him. But I didn’t have to be now.
A sinking feeling filled me, and it hurt in a way I couldn’t ignore.
He could choose someone else. Someone better. He had an entire damn list of names. People who wouldn’t leave him looking so strained. Women whose bond might give the land a better chance to recover.
“I need a moment to think,” he said finally. “I’ll come up with something to tell her.”
I fought the urge to catch the folds of his robe and tug him closer, to indulge myself.
Just once more.
“You don’t have to,” I murmured.
He peered down at me then, unmoving. I thought he might be waiting for me to offer some creative solution. I could do that.
So I swallowed, forcing myself to say it, draining every trace of emotion from my face.
“I can’t do this. I don’t want to choose you.”
Chapter 24
Jane
