“Then Edmund will have to feel guilty for the rest of his life, for he will have condemned me to a marriage I did not want,” Lydia said. Her tone was sharper than she intended, but she did not apologize for it. Rose fell silent.
“There is something regarding John’s parentage that I need to confide in you although you must keep it to yourself,” Lydia continued, lowering her voice.
“Of course,” Rose replied.
“And I mean it. What I am about to say, you may not even share with Edmund. It must stay between us,” Lydia added, her voice becoming even more frayed by nerves. Rose wore a look of concern and tilted her head. She adjusted her position, angling her body towards Lydia.
“Lydia, we have been friends for so many years. You know you can trust me. But what is this matter of such importance?”
“Will you do me a favor? Can you peer into the pram and tell me what you see?”
Rose looked at Lydia strangely but did as she asked.
“I see John.”
“And does he remind you of anyone?”
“I’m not entirely sure.”
“So, he does not remind you of Victor?”
“Victor? Why should he- Oh,” Rose said, interrupting herself as she comprehended the meaning of Lydia’s words. “You suspect he is the father?”
“I do. I cannot ignore the fact that John was left in Victor’s chamber with a blanket bearing the family crest swaddling him. It feels as though the mother was sending a message.”
“And what does Victor say about this?”
“He denies it of course. He claims that it was just a coincidence, but then again, he would say that if he wanted to keep an affair with a maid secret.”
“Then again, he could be telling the truth.”
“He could… but he has every reason to lie. He believes scandal is the worst thing that can befall a person. He might even think that it is a fate worse than death. What if he had a lapse in judgment and sired a child with a woman below his station? Now, he has a wife and someone to care for John. He can present an air of respectability. I fear this may all be a trap, and I have been ensnared.”
As Lydia spoke about this matter, she found herself getting more agitated. Her chest was tightening, and her words were leaving her lips so swiftly, they threatened to collide in the air. Nausea swam in the pit of her stomach and even staring at John did not comfort her.
Rose leaned back and turned to Lydia. She moved her hand to Lydia’s shoulder and looked her deeply in the eye.
“Lydia, I have never known you to be so paranoid before. This is unlike you. What you say is possible, but is it true? Would the Duke really go to these lengths?”
“I don’t know,” Lydia said then repeated the words, and they became a sob. “I don’t know him well enough. In so many ways, he is a stranger to me, and I cannot trust that he would not do such a thing.”
“You have asked him, and he has given you an answer. There is nothing more you can do. I would not go seeking conspiracies when your life is complicated enough already. Trust your instincts, not your fears. You will find a way through this Lydia, and I still believe you will find happiness.”
“That makes one of us at least,” Lydia said, before pressing her fingers against her eyes. “I’m sorry, Rose. I do not mean to be so troubled or wearying; it’s just that I have had nobody with whom I can share these concerns, and now, they are all spilling out at once.”
“It’s quite understandable, Lydia. This is why I am here. You know that I will always be there for you, even if it takes us a little longer to see each other than it used to. And please, write me letters as often as you can. Just promise me that you will allow the facts to guide you, not your feelings. Now, let me see John properly. I feel he may want to leave the pram.”
Lydia reached over and lifted John out. He stretched his body and blinked as he emerged from the shadow into the bright light. Lydia held him tightly for a moment and smiled, kissing his forehead and breathing in the scent of him before passing him to Rose.
“You are a big boy!” Rose exclaimed as she stood up and cradled John in her arms, pointing to the trees and the birds and everything else around them. Lydia pushed herself up, and they took John for a walk around the garden. This helped alleviate the despair that settled in Lydia’s heart.
She had hoped that speaking to Rose would allay her fears, but instead they had only risen and became more threatening. While Rose held John, Lydia kept looking at the baby from different angles, gauging his resemblance to Victor if any.
But she also wondered if she was seeking a reason to be angry with Victor, seeking to put distance between them as her unwanted feelings made things ever so confusing.
Chapter Eighteen
Victor was sitting in his study. The window was open, and he heard the soft murmur of laughter and conversation as Rose, Lydia, and John passed. He could not hear their exact words, but they seemed to be enjoying themselves as they made another lap around the garden.
