“You have when it comes to love. You have never been willing to let anything grow naturally. As soon as anything falls short of your expectations, you dismiss it, and nothing has ever been able to meet your expectations.”
Lydia lifted her head, pointing her nose into the air.
“There is nothing wrong with having standards.”
“There is when they are impossible to meet,” Rose replied. “If nothing else, this will show you what a real relationship is like. Need I remind you that I have read all the same books as you?”
“No, you don’t need to remind me of that,” Lydia said. She was becoming frustrated with the course of the conversation and sought to change the subject. “How is the book club? I hope you expressed to everyone how reluctant I was to leave.”
“The book club is as it ever was although the discussion is not as lively without your contributions. In truth, I have been thinking about leaving.”
“What? You can’t leave. It has been such a constant in our lives.”
“It has, but I find that it was only enjoyable when I could experience it with you. It’s not the same, even with your grandmother coming along.”
“Grandmother? I did not think she had the patience for books. She always said that none of them are as interesting as her life.”
Rose pressed her lips together, and her voice was weighed down by frustration.
“Indeed, and she makes no secret of that. Instead of discussing the books, she speaks about similar incidents from her past although I’m not sure how many of her stories are true. I do not believe there has been enough time for her to meet all the people she claims. We end up ignoring the book entirely, and it becomes more of a forum for Agatha to speak.”
“She never showed an interest in the book club before. I wonder what changed.”
“I think she is just bored. With you and Charlotte both married, she finds herself at a loose end. She has even offered to mentor young women although none have yet taken her up on the offer. I believe that she simply wants to attend balls and relive her youth. We attend far fewer events now that you are not seeking a husband.”
Lydia nodded and adopted a pensive expression. “I wonder if she is lonely. It’s funny actually, but Victor’s uncle revealed that he had once been in love with Grandmother.”
“Really?” Rose gasped.
“Yes. It must have been some years ago. Theodore told me he had been a young man and that he loved Grandmother dearly, but she chose another path.”
“It shows how little things have changed. There was still drama even then. I wonder if Agatha was as troubled as us,” Rose chuckled.
Lydia wore a mirthful smile. It was strange to think that at one time her grandmother had been a young woman, the diamond of the Season, shining brightly and flashing smiles at various suitors she attracted.
“Somehow, I doubt it. She revels in thetonin a way we never did. Sometimes I wished I paid more attention to the lessons she tried to teach me. But I wonder if I should try to reunite her and Theodore. It might be nice for them to reminisce.”
“Did Theodore express an interest?”
“No, in fact he wanted the opposite. He seemed to want to leave the past behind. But I think it might be nice for them to speak about the past.”
“Older people do enjoy doing that. I suppose we shall be the same one day.”
“I’m not sure I will want to revisit this period of my life,” Lydia said glumly.
“Oh come, it is not all bad. Perhaps a seed of affection is beginning to bloom. It may not be too late for you to find the love you crave. Look at Edmund and me. I had no intention of falling in love with him, yet I did. In some things we are helpless. The fates decide the yearnings of our hearts.”
“Perhaps that is what I am afraid of. I’m not sure I want to fall in love with Victor. It feels as though I am admitting defeat, surrendering everything I want in life. And how will I know that I love him? How can I be sure that I am not just settling to make the best of the situation?”
“You will know in your heart. I did exactly the same with Edmund. You remember how stubborn I was, how sure I was that I would never be married. I wanted to be a spinster, but look at me now! I couldn’t imagine being anything but Edmund’s wife. Life is all about meeting the right person, and Victor might well be the right person for you, even if you don’t realize it yet.”
Lydia sighed. While she understood the wisdom in Rose’s words, she was not ready to accept them as truth and kept telling herself that their situations were entirely different. Edmund and Rose’s courtship began with Edmund trying to protect her while Lydia and Victor’s marriage began with her being condemned. And at least Rose had a choice whether to marry Edmund or not.
Although these thoughts were strong in her mind, Lydia did not give voice to them as she did not wish to squabble with Rose. Instead, she sighed and leaned over the pram to check on John, who had his eyes open, gazing up at the vast open sky.
“All this talk is immaterial anyway. Our marriage is only temporary. We just need to find John’s parents,” Lydia said.
“I’m sure you are running a fine tooth comb over London, but what happens if you never find the parents?” Rose asked.
