“You know longer have access to my personal life. Only real fathers need to care about that.”
“I will always be your father and care about your best interest.”
“If that’s true then call your dogs off. I need my business; those kids need me. I know you are too selfish to understand what it is that I do but you don’t have to anymore. I won’t spend another second explaining it to you,” I said speaking to my father. Coming over was a waste, he was expecting me. He knew it was going to happen and he didn’t care. Me standing in his face wasn’t going to change anything. His mind was made up and so was mine.
Leaving out I made sure to do what I always wished I could and that was to slam the door. I hoped the glass shattered from me slamming it. I didn’t look back to see. I wasn’t even mad, I was disappointed in his thought process.
I was a damn doctor for crying out loud. Where was the respect? Truth is there was none. He found his identity in what he did. If helping the people was his calling it wouldn’t matter how he accomplished that. Frank was full of shit and I was finally seeing right through it. It taking so long irritated me, but it was better late than never. This was all about power and control. He wanted to control me like he controlled everything else.
“Damn you,” I fussed driving towards my apartment to get ready for this date. I needed to clear my head, or I would ruin my chances. When I got upset it took me so long to come back to a happy place. If I didn’t release the animosity I wouldn’t enjoy myself. That wasn’t fair to me or fair to Houston. This moment had been on my mind since the first lunch we shared. I declared I would enjoy it no matter what.
Houston
Standing outside of her apartment, my anxiety was sky high. It was something about her that made me nervous. I wanted to be perfect for her, say the right things, move correctly and make sure we took our time. It could be that she was the first woman since Leslie or that she was so confident. I was staying the course because I would never want her to dim her light on my behalf. She was a shining star, and nothing should come in between that.
I feel like I went all out for this date. It felt good to dress up like a grown man for once. My attire mainly consisted of holey jeans, paint-stained t-shirts, and busted boots. Tonight I decided to change it up. I went with black jeans, a white tee, a black blazer, and my all-time favorite black suede loafers. When I wanted to dress up I had the style, it was just no need to impress anyone until now. I knew she wouldn’t half-step, and I couldn’t either.
“Were you ever going to knock?” she asked, opening the door and taking my breath away. The grey tube top dress she wore melted into her body. I was mesmerized. Her jet-black hair flowed with a few loose curls. I was at a loss for words, staring into her slanted eyes and drinking in her beautiful smile. I would cross the earth a million times to get to her smile.
“You look amazing, Teaghan,” I managed to say, still eyeballing her smooth skin, perfect breasts, and again that warm smile that hit me in the gut the first time I saw it.
“Thank you. You look really nice also. It’s refreshing.”
I stepped back to take her in a little more. I couldn’t deny she had me feeling like a lucky man. Having her on my arm tonight would bring in some attention and stares. I was cool with that. She deserved it the way she was killing it in this dress.
“I got these for you also, my bad.”
“Flowers too?” she asked, winking at me and smelling the flowers. “You still got it,H-town. Come in so I can put my shoes on and grab my shawl.”
Stepping in her home was eccentric much like her. Paintings that looked to be done by her covered the walls. Vases, wood carvings of black children, velvet couches; it looked a lot like her office. Her bending over to clasp her shoes brought my attention to her long chocolate legs. They reminded me of black licorice. Long and moldable. She slipped the nude heels on, grabbed her clutch and blew out the thirty candles she had lit as I continued to watch in amazement.
“Sacrificing somebody?” I joked. She laughed and shook her head at my joke. I was trying to bring the funny side of me to the forefront without trying too hard. I used to have a sense of humor.
I was no comedian, but I used to have fun. Life wasn’t always so mundane and sullen with me. When I used to get with my boys for game night we would have fun cracking jokes with one another. Now it just seemed like I didn’t have the time to have a moment to kick back and just be with my boys. Luke was really all I had left. Death made shit awkward and it made my friends stay away when I needed them the most. That was another reason why I was careful.
“Yea, my father. Let’s get out of here,” grabbing her hand we left together. Opening the door to my truck I let her slide in. Getting in myself I did something I rarely did. I cut on some music. I figured she was a Lauryn Hill or Alina Baraz type of woman. You know cool vibes, soothing lyrics, and sultry shit. But then again I knew I needed to stop assuming what she liked and who she was. It was a bad habit I took up after Leslie.
Everyone carried on like life couldn’t go on with minor shit. They acted as if the small shit they went through was on the level of losing a loved one. It frustrated me to hear people complain when they had no idea of what having a bad day was really like. So it was rare for me to ask certain questions in fear of how the answers would make me feel.
“Houston, are you trying to woo me?” she asked, rubbing the back of my head softly. Her hands were always so soft and touch always comforting. She had no idea what her touch did to me and how I looked forward to it.
“Yeah, but I want to feel like a man again. And I’ve been googling songs I thought you would like based on your breakroom. I hope that’s ok?”
“Music is a start, then food, then laughs. So I would say you are on the right path. And it’s cool for you to be interested in what interest me. I don’t think that’s changed love,” she replied. I loved how my efforts were constantly met with patience and appreciation. She didn’t push, but she still let me know that she cared. Her patience went a long way with me.
Teaghan
“I love this place,” I mentioned as we walked hand in hand into Hananoki. It was a quiet hibachi grill. The dim lights, tight spaces for intimacy, and a personal chef all set the mood for what I hoped would be a perfect evening for Houston and me. On the ride over we enjoyed light music and each other’s conversation.
“I wanted it to be intimate. I’m glad you love it,” he responded as we got seated. Across from each other, we got lost in each other’s eyes. The waitress was asking questions and I couldn’t hear anything she was saying. My focus was on Houston and the smile that reached past the stars. This was a smile I hadn’t seen just yet. It stroked my ego that this was the smile for me.
“I think we should order our drinks,” I commented, breaking the silence that was suffocating around us. The waitress smiled and I lowered my head to hide my own smile. I was embarrassed but appreciative of the moment. With every date, we all looked for that one sign or that one moment that told the story before the story was told.
You could pretend that physical attraction wasn’t important, but it was the beginning. That beginning first impression would always be a lasting one. You saw it in movies, a small hand on the back, a simple kiss of the hand and then the woman smiles curtly. This would besomething to go back to when shit hit the fan later on down the line. I would be able to think back to a magical moment of him smiling at me as if he knew there was no other place he would rather be. I was in the same boat. After regaining some dignity, we ordered our drinks and picked up on the conversation from the car.
“So what are you going to do while your pride and joy is shut down?”
I shrugged, hoping that my father would do what I asked. A small part of me knew he wouldn’t. Frank was a show and not tell type of person. My saying no tugged on a powerless part of him. A part of him that was there before I came along. It was just my turn to see it firsthand. “Houston, I have no idea. I still have the state work but it’s just not the same,” I answered.
