“I missed everything, Skye.” My voice broke, and I hated that it did, but I couldn’t stop the emotions bubbling over. “Everything. Her whole life. And come to find out, my own father knew and said nothing. That muthafucka sat across from me at Christmas. Shook my hand. Knowing.” My eyes were burning, and I pressed the heel of my palm into one of them.
“Keep going,” she said softly.
“I’ve been holding it together since that beach. For you. For her. Walking around like I got it handled because that’s what I do, I handle shit. But I don’t have this handled. I don’t know if I should hate you, forgive you, or love you through this. I’m sitting in the back of a car shaking. I don’t even know if it’s from being tired or wanting to kill my own pops.”
Kareem’s eyes flicked to me in the mirror, then away.
“I’m not okay, Skye,” I finally said, quietly. “You asked. So there it is. I’m not.”
She was quiet for a second.
“Then come home.” Her voice was steady and low. “Come to us. Let me cancel ballet, or don’t, bring your tired self and watch your daughter trip over her own feet for an hour. I’m telling you, Ducane, that little girl is the best medicine there is. You can fall apart at my kitchen table if you need to. You don’t have to do it alone in the back of a car.”
My throat closed up.
“And listen to me, because I need you to hear this part.” Her voice caught. “You’re not going to kill your father, because you already beat him. That man is dead inside, always has been. That’s the whole why of it. He couldn’t stand the light in you.And then you went and helped make the brightest light there is.” She let out a shaky breath. “You already won, Ducane. You won the day she was born. All that’s left now is to take your lap. Me and Cadence will be right there cheering you on, in your corner every step, if that’s what you want.”
Kareem turned the car around and headed back to Skye’s house without me even mentioning it.
“I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
The nap had helped a little,but my mind kept circling back to the same place. I was going to ruin my father. Skye was right. Killing him would be too easy. He was going to live the rest of his life watching me love my family in a way he never could.
Cadence stirred when I came in. Skye told me it was her nap time, so the two of us cuddled up on the couch and fell asleep with the TV going low. Skye was right about that too. Cadence was healing me every time she flashed that toothless smile.
“Sugar. Time to get up, baby. Ballet.” Skye crouched by the couch. “And be careful with your stockings this time.”
Cadence groaned into my chest, then peeled herself off me and went stomping up the stairs to get dressed, fussing the whole way about how ballet was “too much standing.”
Skye watched her go, then looked at me, softly.
“Six going on sixty-six,” she said first. “You don’t have to come. It’s an hour of clumsy, distracted little girls falling down to piano music. Nobody’d blame you for sitting this one out after the day you had.”
“I’m coming.” I was already on my feet. “Kareem’s pulling up front. Let’s get our girl to ballet.”
Cadence made it downstairs and grabbed my hand, leading us out the door.
Kareem stepped out of the truck and bent down to her level.
“Sugar, this is Daddy’s friend Kareem. He’s gonna give you rides and take good care of you. Right, Kareem?”
“Right. Just like I did for your mom.” He smiled at her. “You ready for ballet?”
She dropped my hand and twirled in answer. Then she reached into her bag and pulled out a fairy wand. Skye stepped in quickly.
“Cady. I told you, you can’t bring the wand anymore. You were bopping girls on the head too hard.”
“No fun.” Cadence handed it over with a deep sigh and climbed into the truck.
“How about we keep it for now, and you get it back after class?” I offered.
“Deal,” Cadence said, extending her hand.
I loved this little girl so damn much already, it was ridiculous. I leaned over to Skye.
“I’ll buy her a damn ballet studio so she can bop who she wants.”
Skye stifled a laugh with an eye roll that made me laugh too.
