But I am. I’m alive, and I’m here, and I’m his. And maybe I won’t be forever, and maybe I really am just good for sex, and maybe he won’t want me next month or next year or in five. Right now, though, he’s looking at me like I’m the sole reason for his existence, and my stomach flips wildly as my heart pounds out an unsteady beat.
I dive forward, pressing my lips to his in a rush, tasting the salt of his tears.
“Baby boy,” he breathes against my lips. “You’ll hurt yourself.”
Shaking my head, I kiss him again. And again. He tangles a hand in my hair, drawing me closer to him as he deepens the kiss.
Finally, we break apart, and I rest my forehead against his. A pit opens up in my stomach.I got to be a big brother again today.“I’m sorry about your sister.”
Jasper shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. I just… I fell asleep thinking about her, and I had a nightmare and woke up having a panic attack. I didn’t want to wake you.”
“You should have.”
“You need rest, baby boy.”
“No.” I pull back far enough that I can make eye contact with him. “I needyou,and you need me. And you shouldn’t have hidden away from me like that.”
“It’s been a long time since I’ve cried over Sarah. It’s just… been a lot. Which sounds selfish, considering I’m not even the one who lost everything and almost died.”
I blink at him. “You kinda almost did, though.” He cocks his head. My stomach flips at what I’m about to say. The implications alone are almost too much to handle. “If the same thing happened to you—if you almost died in a fire—I’d feel the same way you do. You kinda did almost lose everything.”
Jasper studies me for a second, then huffs out a quiet laugh. “I don’t get you sometimes, Arlo.”
“What do you mean?”
He cradles my face, rubbing his thumb over my cheekbone before pressing it to my lower lip. He does that a lot. “You so confidently say you’re my everything, and losing you would nearly kill me—which is true—and yet…” He shakes his head. “Why do you think you’re only good for sex?”
How in the hell did this get turned back on me? “Um…” I swallow hard. “It’s just always been about sex with us.” I shrug. “And you’re always talking about how attractive you find me. Since that very first night when you took me home from the bar.”
He was so gentle with me that night, rocking into me like he’d waited his whole life for it. The entire time, though, he talked about how beautiful I was. How much he wanted me. How much I turned him on.
“I don’t have anything else going for me. I didn’t then, and I have even less now. The only reason I’m not homeless is because of your generosity.” I pause, my throat going tight. “You’re older than me, and you’re successful, and you have this nice house.”
Jasper’s eyes soften as he cocks his head.
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “Like… I worked so fucking hard to get that house. I saved money for almost a year to get Salem and Nora beds, and you just… did it in a single day. It wasn’t even a thing for you. What could you possibly see in me long term aside from my looks? Aside from our sex?”
“Everything, Arlo,” Jasper whispers, cupping my face and pulling me closer. So close that our noses bump together. “I seeeverythingin you. Early mornings waking up tangled in each other’s arms, holidays and game nights, staying up late and staring into your eyes until I can’t stay up any longer. And yes, sex. But so much more than that too. I’ve never felt for anyonewhat I feel for you. And it’s terrifying and awful and amazing and perfect.”
I swallow down the lump in my throat. “I want all of that too,” I whisper. “I’m just so afraid that you’re going to stop wanting me. And then what will I be?”
“I’ll never stop wanting you, my sweet baby boy.” Jasper presses his lips to mine in a soft kiss. “And you’ll be mine.” Another kiss. “You are mine, right?”
I nod. “I’m yours,” I breathe.
He drops another kiss on my lips. “Good. Then you’ll be mine. My baby boy. My love. My heart. And we’ll get Salem and Nora and be a family. I haven’t had a family in a very long time.”
Me neither, really. Not in all the ways that matter. “You really want to do this with me, don’t you?”
“Are you going to doubt me forever, Arlo?”
My heart clangs at the hurt in his voice. “No. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, baby boy. I don’t need you to be sorry.” He brushes his nose against mine. “I just need you to trust me.”
“I do,” I whisper. Resting my head on his shoulder, I take a deep breath, closing my eyes. “Are you okay now?”
Jasper hums. “I will be. This helps. Having you in my arms.”
