“It will bemyhome and that of my wife and eventually our children.”
“But I do not wish to live with Hurst any longer! He is odious! You know I have never liked him, no matter who his family is. I want to go with you and help to find a suitable home for us. You aremybrother, and it is only right that I live with you. Jane does not know what to look for! Our family’s reputation must be upheld?—”
“That is enough, Caroline,” Bingley interjected. “If you cannot refrain from insulting my wife or her sister through even a single meal, you are welcome to return to Hurst’s. Let me be clear—only Jane’s and my opinions matter, and we shallgreatly value Lizzy’s becauseshehas our best interests at heart and always treats us with respect.”
“There is no need for you to be cruel to me! You would not be if Louisa were here.”
He snorted. “Of course I would, if she took your part. I dare say Hurst would support me too. Jane, Lizzy, and I shall leave as planned, and I shall be sure to write to you or Louisa to let you know once we have secured a new estate. Or perhaps I shall write to Hurst instead.Heis more agreeable company of late than either of you. If you and Louisa wish an invitation to see my new home, you will have to learn to be kinder to Jane and to Lizzy, whom I love dearly and consider just as much my sister as you.” When Miss Bingley opened her mouth to respond, he held up a hand to her and made a warning noise. “I suggest you stay in town and find a husband.Thatis the only route through which you will gain your wish not to live with Hurst any longer.”
Miss Bingley huffed and complained, and before the meal was completed, Bingley had the carriage readied to carry her back to Grosvenor Square. Elizabeth rejoiced that he had succeeded in saving them from her company over the coming days.
Less than a fortnight later, they left London. Through Bingley, Elizabeth learnt that Mr Darcy and his sister had likewise departed. She supposed it would be many months before she saw him again, perhaps not until they were all next in town. By then, she might be engaged or even married to Mr Grey, if only she could convince herself she could be happy with him and make him a good wife.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
The journey to Pemberley had been easy, at least as far as the roads and weather went. Georgiana was not inclined to engage in much conversation—at least with Darcy; she showed no such reluctance when it came to Mrs Annesley. His sister grew less petulant the closer they drew to Pemberley, and he supposed her pleasure at being home was finally stronger than her upset that he had given her little say in the decision to quit town when they did.
Darcy would never say it aloud, but he blamed Fitzwilliam for a portion of the distance between himself and his sister. He also found himself giving greater and greater importance to Bramwell’s assertion that Georgiana would do better if they—especially Fitzwilliam—did not coddle her so much. It was what he wanted to believe because he continued to cling to the hope that Georgiana would change her opinion of his marrying Elizabeth. She only had to permit herself to trust they would keep her safe from Wickham. If his sister showed any improvement along these lines, he would immediately set out to earnElizabeth’s forgiveness and remind her of the reasons she had once loved him and anticipated a joyful future as his wife. Only her marriage to another would stop him from dreaming of such an outcome to their tortuous history.
A fortnight after they arrived at Pemberley, they welcomed the earl, the countess, and Fitzwilliam. Lord and Lady Romsley would spend a week with them before settling at Romsley Hall for the summer. Fitzwilliam would be obliged to return to town almost at once, and this allowed him to spend an interval with Georgiana; it might be later in the summer or even autumn before they were reunited. The earl reported that Bramwell had elected to extend his time in London and travel north with the Reeds, whose estate was in Shropshire.
“If he thinks I do not know what he is about, he is a fool, and I would hate to think that of my heir,” the earl said at dinner on the first night.
Fitzwilliam regarded his father, a puzzled expression on his face. It surprised Darcy that he had not yet discerned that his brother was in love with Rebecca, and he derived an odd satisfaction from it, given his still-simmering resentment. He regretted the feeling; he had once considered Fitzwilliam his dearest friend. With luck, he would be able to claim it again one day.
If I put more effort into it and saw the situation through his eyes, it might happen sooner. Then again, he could try to understandmyperspective and at least show a little sympathy.
Darcy wrote to Mrs Reed and suggested she, Mr Reed, and Rebecca visit later in the summer. Georgiana and Rebecca were exchanging letters regularly, and he wished to do everything he could to encourage their friendship. He attempted to interest his sister in making friends with some of the young ladies in their vicinity. Unfortunately, Georgiana did not like to leave theestate, and whenever one of the ladies came to call, she said as little as possible. He knew some of that was due to her natural reserve, and he dreamt of how much better she would feel if she had Elizabeth by her side. Elizabeth would be such a supportive, sympathetic sister—especially since she knew Georgiana’s entire history—and not even the tiniest part of Darcy doubted that Georgiana would improve remarkably under her care.
Yet who knows when, or even if, they will ever be in company again. I do not imagine it will be until Georgiana is out, and by then, I shall surely have lost all opportunity to reconcile with Elizabeth.
The thought prompted Darcy to close the treatise on sheep rearing he had been reading and turn his mind to the more demanding activity of reviewing the account books. He had to find a way to stop dwelling on Elizabeth, and especially he had to stop feeling that Fitzwilliam and—worse—Georgiana were to blame for their separation. After all, Darcy had agreed not to pursue her. Bramwell might be correct that it would have been wiser to tell Elizabeth the truth from the very beginning, but he had not, and he must bear the consequences of his actions.
I shall use the summer to find a way to accept that she is lost to me forever. This dream of earning her forgiveness and love and that, somehow, we shall be able to marry is doing me, Georgiana, Fitzwilliam, and even Elizabeth no favours.He could not lie to himself that Elizabeth had not seen him staring at her in town, and likely he had caused her some discomfort. Mr Grey had begun giving him dark looks, suggesting he had also noticed.If she can find happiness with him or another man, I must wish her well.
In the first few weeks of their tour, Jane, Bingley, and Elizabeth viewed three estates. There was nothing particularly wrong with any of them, but likewise, there was nothing remarkable either. Along the way, they stopped here and there to partake of local sights of interest, but the only significant break on their journey was at Graystone Manor.
Mr Grey welcomed them warmly, and if there was something more to his greeting of Elizabeth, she pretended not to notice. When she was alone later that day, she questioned why she had acted thus.
If I am certain I could never care for him enough to accept his proposal, I must find a way to tell him. If I am unwilling to do so, then I must open my mind and my heart fully to the possibility of a future with him.She still might decide she could not become his wife; for that matter, he might never choose to propose. But she knew that was where his interest lay at present, and it frustrated her that, no matter how much she tried, she could reach no firm decision about what she hoped their future would be. She worried she would injure his feelings.
During the nine days they were at Graystone, Elizabeth explored the estate and neighbourhood with Mr Grey. Often, Jane and Bingley were with them, but they also left Mr Grey and her to themselves so that they could get to know each other better without interference. The house was well-maintained and decorated in a manner that would offend no one, unless they were very particular. Elizabeth could imagine how she might change this room or that to make it more to her personal taste, but there was nothing she disliked. The gardens were a little too orderly for her, but the grounds included a wide, picturesque stream and a copse, and the nearest town was pleasant and contained a good variety of shops. Mr Greyspoke well of his neighbours and those he regularly met at dinners and other social events.
As much as Elizabeth admired his estate, she admired the man even more. He was handsome, friendly, well-read, responsible, and respectful. He would make an excellent husband and father, and it would be a very good match for her from a practical point of view. In addition, he and Bingley were close friends, and Jane liked him. Should Elizabeth marry him, she was certain there would be no impediment to seeing her dearest sister.
I would be a fool to let a daydream rob me of a life with such a man. I may not be in love with him at present, but there is no reason why I should not fall in love with him. Had I never met Mr Darcy, or if we had not encountered each other again last summer, it is probable I would have by now. Indeed, I believe I would be floating ten feet off the ground to think that this man cared for me so much that he wished to marry me despite my lack of fortune and connexions. Iwillconquer my feelings for Mr Darcy, then perhaps I could love Mr Grey.
Because she was alone, she whispered, “Why must it be so hard?”
The night before the Bingleys and she were to leave, Mr Grey and Elizabeth went for a walk after dinner. It was not excessively hot, and the sun was low in the sky, the last light of the day just peeking through the trees. They remained on the terrace and the gardens with the clearest paths.
“I wish you could stay longer,” he admitted. “I hope you have enjoyed your time here.”
“I have. Your estate is wonderful, and the company is even better.”
He had such a look of joy on his face that Elizabeth regretted having spoken so warmly.It might lead him to believe she was ready to receive his proposal. His next words suggested as much.
“Perhaps if there was a good reason for it, Bingley and your sister might be willing to extend your stay.”
