This isn’t an accident. Ithought keeping my feelings for her a secret was the right thing to do, but deep down, I’ve known no one has ever had this enduring pull, thisholdon me, and if it hasn’t gone away by now, it’s never going to! Ineed to admit the truth to them because it’s clearly eaten me up inside. She deserves to know, and so do they. I’m not sure how they’ll react because, shit, they reacted a hell of a lot worse than Ithought when Mads brought up dating me. And Iwanta lotmore than a few dates.
I’m pissed that they reacted the way they did, honestly. Yeah, everyone sees me as a giant slut, Iget it, but the Morningstars should understand me better than that, if anyone could. Most don’t really know what they know. That this sex and booze thing is literally my alternative health plan, and a much healthier path than the one Iwas on, actually. As a child, Iwas targeted for being different. Too loud. Too soft. Toomuch.The longer Iwore that target, the worse Igot. Angrier, sicker, fuckin'toxic. Specialists started throwing terms at me like PTSD and ADHD, and my parents could never understand me before all the labels, let alone after.
So, they gave me pills, one after another. The kind that made me feel like a melting, flesh-rotting zombie, but on the inside instead of the outside. When Ifinally got off of them at sixteen, Ihad to find other ways to medicate myself, and vowed never to touch a pill again. Icreated the perfect combination of writing songs, a tattoo gun buzzin’, drinking, and fucking to replace the meds, and I’ve been that way ever since. That doesn’t mean Ineed sex with a different person every night, it’s just ended up that way!
But Ineed it, just the same. Sex, Imean. Twice a day, minimally, preferably three. Itregulates me in a way that only white pills could before. I’vetriedcommitting to several people, Ireally have! But I’m always left as the one who’s painted as thecrazy person. The damn Morningstars, Ilove them but … can’t they open their eyes and see, maybe Ijust need the right person to commit to? That if Ihad Baby in my bed, I’d never need anyone else in there with me? Icould god damn pinky promise!
Frustrated and annoyed as all hell, Ishove the doctor’s printout into the tiny lyric notepad Itake with me everywhere. Itgoes into the back pocket of my black jeans, and then Icontinue my routine of slicking back my hair, rubbing my tattoos with shea butter, and applying my eyeliner a lot better than Idid when Imet Miss Matilda. Ithrow on a Misfits muscle tank because Iwill get to see that little princess today, even if it’s just for a kiss. Yeah, it’s her favorite band, but it also shows off my arms in case, ya know, she likes those.
Chapter 13
Jett
My driver and assistant Bryson, the one that looks like Michael B. Jordan but twice the size, starts driving towards the gothic Hills mansion Ithoughtwas my second home. Bry sings incredible r&b, is way hotter than me, and much less annoying. Still, somehow, Iget all the damn attention. He also calls himself my bodyguard, though Ihaven’t run into a situation Ican’t handle myself, yet. Thankfully, he also interprets random voice memos and makes them a reality for me, always.
“Thanks, man,” Isay, looking at the box he’s prepared for me in the backseat. Inside is a blood red vase filled with twenty-four black, long-stem roses for Mads, her favourite whiskey, Max’s scotch, Jewels’ Bordeaux, Lola’s tequila, and Cuban cigars for Jude. Ihave to spend all day in the studio, but Iwanted to try pleading my case first with whoever’d hear me out. Bry helps me get everything on the porch, and Iknock for fucking ever.
Finally, the door opens, and of course, it’s Jude, who Ithoughtwas my mate. “Jett…” he sighs, tightening up his ridiculous man bun and planting his hands on his hips. “What are you doing here, man? Breaking and entering and then returning to the scene so soon, seriously?”
“You guys had Baby fuckin’ bawling, she was so upset last night when we FaceTime’d. Ihad to come check on her. Iwanted to be there for the family meeting to discuss this, but she said she had it handled. What is your beef with me all of a sudden, J?”
Jude squeezes his temples with one hand. “Why? Why after all this time? Why my baby sister, Jett? You can fuck anyone!”
“I have fucked anyone, and everyone! Idon’t want them! Inever wanted them, but they were my only choice!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
I groan, wondering how to make this go better than it is currently. “Don’t … don’t tell them, all right? Iwanna tell you, all of you, like, individually.”
“Tell us what?”
“That I’ve been in love with Mads for eight years come this Halloween.”
“WHAT THE FUCK?”
“I mean, it was an innocent crush! Inever touched her! Never! Until yesterday.”
His cheeks heat, and his hands ball into fists. “Nothing about you is innocent, Jett, we fuckingknowyou, man.” My close mate of the last several years looks like he wants to knock me out. Maybe Ishould have expected this but Ireally didn’t see it happening like this at all! Jesus, you would never expect this bullshit with the way these people talk me up on the regular, Iswear. “What. Did. You. Do. Jett?”
“We just snogged, all right? Ididn’t poison your precious Baby with diseases like you told her Iwould. Even if Ishagged her, she’d be safe, take a fucking look!” Itear the printout from the notebook and throw it at him. “She’s been an adult for many years, you do know that, right? She’s been naked on many a person’s telly, or are you living in a different reality than Iam?”
“You say you hate liars. You really don't realise what this makes you, Jett? Why didn’t you tell her or us? You thought you’d lose your precious spot in dad’s inner circle, is that it?” Now Iwanna punch him, bad. Igrit my teeth and shake my head no. “Do you get how badly this is going to fuck up your relationship with dad, ruin all the collaborations you have planned?”
“I wasn't lying, not,fuck,not on purpose! Mads never saw me like that. In fact,shelied back then and told me she didn't date just so I'd leave her alone. Iwasn’t ‘bout to make things awkward and tell her how Ifelt! Being ’round your family has always made me feel right, like there was suddenly nothing wrong with me. Couldn’t throw that away because she thought some desperate emo boy was hittin’ on her, being a creep. Now, if Iwantto give Mads a real commitment, treat her better than any princely looking prick could, how would that ruin my relationship with dad?” Iask.
Jude rolls his eyes, “Dude, you’ve cheated on every person you’ve ever dated, Iwasn’t born yesterday! You can’t keep it in your pants, Maddy will be devastated, and Dad will have you offed. End of story! Rest. In. Peace. Jett”
“I wasn’t faithful to them because none of them were her! No one could compare to Baby and the pedestal I’ve put her on! She’s royalty to me, she’s wife material! She’s everything I’ve always—I would never do that to her!”
“Wife material? Do you hear yourself, Jett? You, married? You’re fucking mental!”
“You really think Ace Archer was worthy of giving her an engagement, andI’mthe piece of shit?”
“Fuck, no! Ilove you, man, I—Jesus Christ.Can’t you just date a hot pop-star and leave my sister alone?”
“Jude, by some fuckin’ grace of God miracle, she wants me. Iwant her. And Ipromise I’ll treat her better than any asshole you’ve let her date before. Iknow you'd prefer me in your life over that twat and others like him. Let me show you Ideserve to be by her side. All right?”
He shakes his head, resigned. “Man,fine, I-if you can get mum and dad to believe you, it’s up to them.”
