I can see the moment realization hits him. I brace myself, waiting for his power to storm out of him, but it never does.
“You know, he was going to be named Lyric. I don’t think anyone knows that.”
“That’s a beautiful name,” I offer, surprised by his vulnerability. He nods and there’s a moment of awkwardness as neither of us speaks. I think about reaching for his hand but decide against it. Instead, I simply add, “You would’ve been a good big brother.”
He laughs humorlessly. “Yeah, I don’t think so.”
“I do,” I counter almost aggressively. “I see how you are with Emeric. You’re the perfect mixture of tormentor and protector.”
This time he actually laughs and the sound of it relaxes me. “Well, when you put it that way.” He smiles at me, shedding the last of his cold exterior and squats down. “So, what am I supposed to write exactly?”
“Whatever you want. You could write things you wish her to know or tell her how much you miss her or dreams you have for the years to come. It’s whatever you want it to be.” He’s quiet for a long time. “Maybe I should go, so you can have some privacy.”
“No!” He shoots up, reaching his arm out as if to stop me from leaving. “I mean, the company is nice.”
“Okay. I’ll stay.”
He turns back to the larger lantern meant for his mother and begins to scribble something on the outside. I watch as he works his way around the lantern’s exterior, covering it with words that I have to stop myself from trying to read. Next, he moves on to the smaller one. There are fewer words on this one, but I’m sure they’re just as meaningful.
“Okay, there they are.” He looks over at me. “Now, what?”
“Now, I light them so they can be sent up to the stars.”
“Do it with me?” he asks, handing me the one meant for his unborn brother.
I nod and light them both with my flames. On the count of three, we release them. The two of us stand next to each other, watching as they drift along in the dark of night, illuminated by the warm glow of my fire. I look up at him and see a single tear trickle down his cheek. He quickly turns and wipes it away. On impulse, I reach for his hand to comfort him, only to regret it a half a second later. When I try to pull away, he stops me by tightening his grip.
We stay like that, even after the lanterns are no longer within eyesight. It’s as if neither one of us wants to let go. Silence, likethe ash dirt, surrounds us. It’s different now, though. It’s not awkward or uncomfortable, but rather peaceful.
Eventually, he softens his grip and I take it as my opening to let go.
“I should’ve done this years ago,” he says quietly. Again, I don’t have the words to say. “Thank you for doing this. And I am sorry about how I was to you. Not just here, but earlier in the war room.” He shakes his head. “I don’t deserve you. Your kindness, I mean.” I only offer a smile in response, but it seems to be enough. “Want a lift back to your room?”
“Sure.”
He wraps his arms around me and there’s a surge of heat that rushes through my body.
“Night, Princess.”
When he vanishes, something inside of me sinks. It’s like every part of me already misses his company. I feel lonely in a way I haven’t felt in a long time. The kind of loneliness that makes you feel like the only person in the world. The kind that leaves you feeling void.
For a moment I think about slipping into Amaya’s room but decide to climb into my own bed instead, because the truth is, it’s not her presence I’m craving.
It’shis.
Chapter 46
Ryder
Her small, delicate hand felt like the perfect fit in mine. If she hadn’t let go, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to. I certainly didn’t want to. I wanted to stay like that forever. I wanted to tell her that I wrote to my mother about her. Told her how she makes me a better person. How she lights up all of my darkness. About how simply being in her presence makes me feel a peace I’ve never known. But I didn’t. And I won’t. Because she’s forbidden fruit that I willnever know the taste of.
“Are you guys sure this is a good idea?” Amaya questions for the third time.
“No, but we’re doing it.” Reign turns to me. “Everything look strapped in right?”
I look her over, motioning with my index finger for her to turn around. I give one last tug on her dagger belt for good measure. “I wouldn’t want to pick a fight with you.”
She tilts her head, looking up at me. “And yet, you take every opportunity to kick my ass in training.”
