“I don’t want to keep anymore secrets from you,” I start again once the door closes behind them. “You can hate me all you want, but I wanted you to know everything first. It’s up to you what you want to do.”
“Do you really think it will work?”
“Honestly? If you would’ve asked me six weeks ago, I would’ve said it was a long shot. But since then, I’ve watched you come back to life. Suddenly, anything seems possible.”
“How are you going to do it?” She takes a deep breath like she’s bracing herself for the gory details.
“The healer who has been in charge of him is going to slip the elixir into his tea tomorrow. Once an hour has passed and the elixir has had enough time to settle into his system, one of the witch luminaries will release a deadly gas into the room. It will be like he’s falling asleep. He won’t feel any pain,” I promise her.
“And then what? How will you bring him back?”
“We’ll have to wait long enough to make sure he’s truly dead. If we bring him back too soon, it may not work. Henry, the healer who was assigned to you, has created a serum to inject into his bloodstream. If it goes as planned, it should essentially restart his heart.” I take a small step forward and I’m pleasantly surprised when she doesn’t retreat. I’d say that’s progress. “I won’t lie to you. There’s a lot that could go wrong. The timing has to be just right and even then, there’s a chance the serum won’t work. But I think you know what it feels like to be under my father’s control. If dying means protecting his sister, he’ll welcome death with open arms.”
“How long do I have?” she asks simply as if she’s trying to appear void of emotion.
“Until tomorrow afternoon. I know it’s a lot to process so take your time tonight. I’ll come by tomorrow morning and check on you. If you decide you want to talk to him then, I’ll take you. Either way the decision is yours.”
I step to the side and open the door. I’ve said what I needed to. Now, I’ll give her the space she needs.
Chapter 24
Reign
By the time I get to my room, I’m fighting the oncoming panic attack crawling its way to the surface. It gets harder and harder to breathe as I play back everything Ryder said. When I close the door behind me, my knees give out and I collapse into it.
Damien is going to die.
I’ve been so mad at him, blaming him for everything that happened to me. I’ve been taking out my anger on him and Ryder, but the truth is they don’t deserve it. They’re just as much a pawn in the king’s game as I am.
Now, Damien is going to die and there’s nothing I can do about it. Even with Ryder’s plan to bring him back, there’s a million ways this could go wrong. I hate that it’s come to this. That once again King Cimmerian has come out on top.I should’ve believed in Damien. I shouldn’t have assumed the worst. Slader tried to warn me there was more to the story and that he had his reasons. I just didn’t want to listen and now it’s too late.
My head spins from lack of oxygen, but I can’t seem to catch my breath. It feels like there’s a boulder sitting on top of my chest.
Slow, deep breaths. In and out.
I hear Amaya’s calming voice in my head. Candle. Mirror. Book. Dresser. Bed. Slowly my breaths begin to steady. It’s a trick Amaya taught me when I would start to panic back when we lived in Avelion. Naming five things I see around me allows me to refocus my attention.
Once I feel like I’ve gotten control again, I get up and crawl into my bed. I throw the silk covers over my head as if it will somehow block out all of the negative thoughts swarming my mind. What am I supposed to even say to him tomorrow? Slader just started repairing his memories. As it stands now Damien doesn’t feel any kind of way about me. In fact, he might even hate me. I’m not sure just how twisted his memories of me are.
Even if I do say goodbye to him tomorrow, it won’t be the Damien I fell for. It will be the version of him that the king created. And although my memories of us weren’t tampered with, they might as well have been. I can’t tell what was real and what wasn’t anymore. Slader had told me that after we had our first kiss, he started to fall for me, but what about after that? What kind of person could put on an act like that? How could he be intimate with me one moment and turn around and betray me the next? Even with the binding curse, there’s no excuse for all of the times he confessed his feelings or shared a bed with me. That, he did all on his own.
I toss the covers back, giving up. The only thing that can silence my thoughts now is my fire. I’m sure there are rooms somewhere that would contain my power, but I don’t want to be contained. I want to be free.
The tunnel I come out of this time is far enough from Grimstone that I can barely see the castle’s highest point. Despite the Shadow Land’s bleak atmosphere, there’s something slightly comforting about it. The air is still, and the lack of color almost makes me feel like I’m in some sort of dream world, which is a welcomed escape.
Being that the valley already looks as though it’s been set ablaze, this seems like the perfect place to let my fire rage. The ground is covered in an ash-like dirt and there’s nothing out here that would be able to catch fire. All that remains are scattered bones and sharp, jagged mountains. It’s just me and the dead out here. Though, I suppose I qualify as that, too.
I close my eyes, allowing myself to feel the emotions that have been battling inside of me. Anger, regret, sorrow, and confusion come rushing to the surface, pulling my power with them. It’s as if my flames are my heart’s tears. They pour out of me as a way of release. I don’t have to open my eyes to know they’re flailing all around. They’re as much a part of me as each of my limbs.
I’m just beginning to settle into the feeling when something feels foreign. The strange feeling has me opening my eyes and turning around to see what it is. But as I move, so do they.
My wings.
They flare out and I fall back from the force.
“That was graceful.”
I let out an exaggerated grunt as I pick myself up off the ground and wipe the charcoal dirt off my hands.
