Here, there’s no sign of life other than the sizzling breaths of bubbling magma. Just like the volcano, I feel the unrelenting need to erupt after seeing her standing there with a wild mess of hair, wearing his shirt. I release the hold on my shadows, letting them lash around me as the image replays in my mind. Running lava bursts with my power as a sickening feeling settles in my stomach.
I shouldn’t care. I know I shouldn’t, but it feels like a fist is wrapped around my heart, squeezing it as black blood gushes out. I knew this was going to happen. I knew they would find their way back to each other. It was only a matter of time.
Really, I should be happy for her. Unlike me, he’s good for her. He’s the better guy, and he makes her happy.
Isn’t that what I want for her? To be happy and free?
It’s not like she could ever have that with me. Not with my father still alive and certainly not with the curse. Even without those things, she would still be better off with Damien. He’s pure and good. The kind of good I’ll never be.
If she truly knew all of the things I have done, how many lives I have taken, how many threats I have followed through with…she would never look at me the same. I know just how disgusted she was after seeing me kill those three students in the Quad last year and that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface. If she knew the darkest parts of me, she would probably plunge a dagger right through my heart herself.
A life without love is what I deserve.
I accepted my cursed fate long ago. But that was before I mether.
Suddenly, it’s like I’m being suffocated by the never-ending desire to be close to her. At this point, it’s bordering on obsession.Her lavender scent, the ghost of her smile, the melody of her laughs, haunt me day and night. I can’t escape her and yet I don’t want to. A true masochist.
My shadows begin to settle, crawling around me.
I could do it. I could love her from a distance. I could be her friend and nothing more if it meant getting to stay in her life. It would be pure torture, but I would grow to love it. That, I could do.
But watching her love him?
That’s a form of torture that will send me into complete madness.
Maybe I could wait it out. I’ll live far longer than him and she’s immortal.
The thought sends a shockwave through my system, filling me with dangerous hope. Waiting for his end would be excruciatingly slow and painful, but I would do it. I would wait for her if that’s what it took.
Again, my shadows flare, cutting through the hot air.
No. Not even then.
The curse would never allow for us to truly be together. If by some miracle she chose to love me back, accepting my broken soul—love without a physical connection is not something I would wish on her. Her love is too valuable to waste. And when it comes to her, I can’t be selfish.
As I accept the truth of my fate, the last of my restraint evaporates. Streams of lava explode around me, sending glowing red specks into the sky. The razor-sharp hills closest to me quake for a moment before shattering like broken glass. I breathe in the power that I often keep checked and exhale, releasing the deadly magic that has taken so many lives. Pure blackness spreads across the lands, claiming them as my own.
There’s nothing I can do but accept the infinite amount of pain I must now endure. Maybe in another life things could’ve been different. But in this one, watching her love another is my penance.
“You’ll be happy to know he’s left for the realms.”
Artemus is staring at me like he’s trying to get a read on me, and I can’t say I blame him for it. I haven’t exactly been the best company the past two days. I’m not sure if he knows about Damien and Reign’s rekindling, but seeing as how he appears to be a bit apprehensive around me, I assume he at least has his suspicions.
When I don’t say anything, he proceeds to ask, “When do you leave?”
“In a few hours.”
“Okay. Well, I guess I’ll leave you to it.”
I’m thankful he doesn’t push for more. The last thing I want to do is think about Damien, let alone talk about him. He made his decision, and he’s gone. That’s good enough for me. Besides, I have enough on my plate with Reign’s impulse to visit the Oracle again. We may have the location of the portal this time, but there’s no telling if it will work. Even if it does, she’s not guaranteed answers. The Oracle is a self-serving trickster. Whatever information she seeks won’t come cheap and I have a strong feeling the Oracle will use her desperation against her.
That’s a problem for later, though. Right now, Amaya is waiting for me.
“You’re late,” she lectures a moment later when I appear on the black mat, armed with a longsword.
“You’re the one who wantedmyhelp. That means you’re on my time.”
“What’s got your panties in a bunch?”
