I stared at her. “How could you not want to see pictures of a cat loafing in the sunshine?Especiallya ginger cat?”
Before she could respond, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. My heart leaped a little, hoping Jack had come tohis senses and wanted to apologize for being an asshat earlier, but no.
Simon
Hey, Hawk! I wanted to tell you I read that article on the endangered bat populations you sent. Super fascinating. Maybe we could discuss it sometime?
I sighed. Simon and I had been texting back and forth a bit all week, and he’d been… nice. Really nice. I’d spammed him with articles, beginning the day after the town meeting, and he’d read them all and promised he’d “pass them up the chain” at Evola.
I wasn’t naive. I knew this was probably corporate-speak for “I deleted it after I read it,” but at least I felt like he was trying to understand my position… which was more than I could say for some people.
You’re welcome. Did you have a chance to get me those Point Meduc and Morgan Falls environmental studies you promised?
Simon
I asked again. I need authorization to make them public, and my boss is on leave. But I haven’t forgotten. They should get it to me this week and I’ll pass it on. Sorry for the delay!
I was pretty sure this was corporate-speak, too, where “delayed until this week” meant “not gonna happen until hell freezes over,” but at least he hadn’t outright denied my request or fed me bullshit excuses.
Which, again, was better than certain people had done.
“What did your phone do that’s got you scowling at it, boo?” Crys came up and peered over my shoulder. “Ohhhh. Looks like Simon wants to make sure yourenvironmentiscompliant.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Are you gonnasurveyhisland?”
I felt my cheeks go hot. “I don’t even know what that means,” I said primly, turning the screen off. “Besides, it’s not like that. Simon’s just being friendly because of the project. I told you, I only pretended he was interested in me at the town meeting because it seemed to annoy Jack.”
“Because Jack’s jealous.”
I shook my head. “He’s really not. Jealous is how you feel when someone has something you can’t have. Jack could have me. I’ve made that abundantly clear. I practically gift wrapped myself earlier today and stuck a bow on my ass, and Jack was like, ‘Oooh, wow, no thank yew.’ And then he went on to tell me I couldn’t possibly use a hookup app without floundering my way into a date with the only person in Little Pippin Hollow on an FBI watchlist.”
“Hey.” Crys pointed one manicured finger at me. “Don’t joke. You’d be surprised at how many people in the Hollow are on a watchlist. Small town like this is a breeding ground.”
I rolled my eyes. “All we breed around here are prize-winning Holsteins and heirloom apples. You might need to lay off theAmerican Crime Story.”
“Nope. Mark my words, there’s something weird going on with Ronna at the gas station—like, taboo sex dungeon in her stockroom weird. And Chris, that guy I work with at the Bugle? He’s either a werewolf or a mafia hitman on the run.”
“Chris? The twinky kid who wears the homemade sweaters?” I boggled at her. “Are you sure you’re not just annoyed that when Ernie yells, ‘Hey, Chris,’ you both turn around?”
“I’ve got finely honed instincts, boo,” Crys countered, lifting her nose in the air. “Mild-mannered Chris has a wild side. Jack has alllll kinds of dirty fantasies about you, even if he wishes he didn’t. And Mr. Environmental Compliance wants in your pants. Nobody with wholesome intentions uses that many emojis. Have you noticed that the leaf emoji looks exactly like the water-spurt emoji?”
Sure enough, a second later, another text came through.
Simon
Maybe you and I could have dinner this week and I could give you the report in person?
Crys read the message upside down and crowed. “See? Instincts. And now you owe me a coffee,” she proclaimed, finally abandoning the sharp objects so we could make our way to Pippin Hot for iced lattes and blueberry scones.
“What do I tell Simon?” I asked once we were seated with our snacks. “He’s nice, but…”
“But you don’t want him, you want Jack. I know.” Her mouth twisted. “Sadly, Jack’s not on the menu at the moment. He’s either gonna get right with himself, or he’s not. And in the meantime, you go with the runner-up.” She bit off the end of her scone and smiled slyly. “You could really benefit from a good fuck.”
“Crys!” I glanced around the small cafe and bent closer to whisper-hiss, “You can’t sayfuckwhen Millicent Bowdoin and her little girl are right there! Say ‘tup.’ Then she won’t understand you.”
“Iwon’t understand me.” Crys sucked down the last of her drink with a loud slurp. “You’re so weird, boo.”
“Anyway, Simon isn’t a runner-up,” I informed her. “He seems very nice. We have lots in common. Under other circumstances…”
“You’d be tupping him to kingdom come?” Crys guessed. “Exactly. So why not go out to dinner with the guy? Not to make Jack jealous, because seriously,tup Jack, am I right? Go with the guy who wants you. The one who sends you cum-leaf emojis when you chat him up because he’s adorably awkward when it comes to you.”
