She meant Simon, but I couldn’t help remembering Jack making his stranglederksound whenever I said something that flustered him.
“It’s not that easy,” I whispered. “You know, when Jack and I met?—”
“You were seventeen and a half, he was both smoking hot and heroically friendly, and you fell head over heels instantly.” She rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “I know. But that was a long time ago.”
“That’s how it started,” I corrected. “And if that was all it had ever been… shit, Crys, I’d have gotten over him in a matter of weeks, no matter what I thought back then. But it wasn’t. Instead, Jack was all in with me, in a way that hardly anyone in my life ever had been. Like…” I shook my head and stared at the table. How did I explain all that Jack had become to me?
I took a deep breath. “Okay, for example… when I was trying to decide whether to go to college, everyone in my family had opinions about what was best for me, right? But Jack was the only person who asked me whatIwanted out of life, without judgment or coddling. Oh! And this one time, maybe four years ago? I had a bad day, and he knew I didn’t want to talk, so he conveniently came up with something at his house that needed to be demolished and asked me to dohima favor by coming over and swinging a sledgehammer.” I chuckled at the memory. “Andthen hekepthaving me over to help and basically let me choose all the fixtures forhishouse because he said he trusts me. Not my muscular, power-tool-savvy brothers, Crys.Me.”
“Ah, boo…”
“And also,” I went on after taking a sip of my drink, “there was this incident that happened two winters ago now, I guess, where I caught a ride to Montpelier to meet up with a friend of a friend and see a show. Kind of a date thing, you know? And I was all excited. Except the guy never showed up. So there I was, stranded an hour and a bit away from home, embarrassed as fuck, freezing cold, no place to sleep, hardly any money, the whole deal. I called Jack, he drove two and a half hours roundtrip to get me, brought me cookies, took me back to his house to crash on his sofa so I didn’t have to explain things to my family, and—this is the key part, Crys—he’s never said a single word about it. Not once. Not even now, when he’s determined to cockblock me and could totally turn that incident against me.”
Crys sighed. “He’s a good guy,” she admitted.
“He is,” I agreed. Then, more softly, “So good. And I guess… I mean, maybe none of that is like, ‘Oh, wow, Hawk, so romantic, I can see why you’re on fire for this man!’ But, like… itisromantic, you know? To me, it is. He trusts me. He gets me. He appreciates me. He cherishes me. He’s always made me feel—even when I’m spouting off the intricate details of aPride and Prejudiceretelling that would make anyone else fall asleep—like I’m the most interesting person in the room. He is so protective of the things and people he loves. And… he lets me take care of him, too. I know when he gets the little furrow right here—” I pointed to the spot between my eyes. “—it means he’s tired and needs an excuse to leave a party. And I know he is a fuckingchildwhen he gets a cold. And I… I love him, Crys. All of him. Unreservedly. Even the annoying bits. Which is why he’s kinda breaking my heart right now. Because I don’t understand why he’s so hell-bent on getting this resort pushed through or why he’s refusing to take a chance on us and he’s pawning me off with tissue-thin excuses like none of my feelings matter. LikeIdon’t matter.”
“But you didn’t say any of this to him, right?”
“God, no.” I shook my head. “I can’t tell him I love him. I only asked for sex, and he already assumes I want us to exchange vows.”
“So if he knew you actuallydidwant to exchange vows?—”
I snorted. “He’d probably freak out. While still simultaneously attempting to cockblock me.” I rolled my eyes. “Everyone and their mother is out there having sex except me.” I frowned and considered my words. “Wait, that didn’t sound right?—”
“Hawk Sunday!”
Ah, crap.I glanced over to see Luke’s mom shaking some sugar packets at the cream-and-sugar station.Please, god, don’t let her have heard what I said.
“Mrs. Williams! Hey. Hi. How are you today?”
“Invigorated! Sue and I just finished a marathon charity crochet Hook Up with Betty Ann and Melanie and Helena and the other Hookers. Nothing like eighteen hours of stitch and bitch, am I right? What about you? Were you out with the kids today?” Her eyes flicked past me to Crys, whose mouth was mysteriously covered in crumbs frommyblueberry scone.
“Uh, no. The Mini Nature Scouts’ summer camp is only on the weekdays. Mrs. Williams, this is Crystal Hardin. She’s new in town, too, and works with me at Panini Jack’s. Crys, Mrs. Williams is Luke’s mom. You know, Webb’s Luke.”
Crys nodded and smiled. “Ah, right. Nice to meet you. I recognize you from the yarn store.”
Mrs. Williams’s face lit up. “You knit? How wonderful.”
“No, ma’am. But I heard a pair of their handcrafted double-pointed needles make a great?—”
“Sock-making tool!” I blurted, suddenly 100 percent convinced my friend was going to reveal more of her mysterious obsession with weapons. “DPNs are great for those pesky toe closures. Heh.”
Both women looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
Crys looked back at Luke’s mom. “—gift for people who knit charity hats for babies,” she finished calmly. “And several of us at the Bugle chipped in to get some nice ones for Andrea.”
I felt a bead of sweat run slowly down my temple. “Oh. Ha. Yeah. That, too.” I was still pretty convinced Crys had purchased herself a pair of handcrafted old-lady shanks.
I couldn’t quite imagine someone using a set of double-pointed needles to take down an enemy, but if anyone could do it, it would be Crys.
Mrs. Williams smiled back at her. “Well, nice to meet you, dear. Hawk, I’m off to see your uncle and his beau for an early dinner. Drew’s making hisspecialbrownies.” Her eyes twinkled. “Too bad Webb and Luke are… otherwise engaged.”
I smiled grimly. Uncle Drew was particularly uninhibited under the influence of his special brownies, and when Webb and Luke wereotherwise engaged, it usually meant everyone else in the farmhouse should sleep with noise-canceling headphones. “That’s… great. Just great.”
“Newlyweds!” she said with satisfaction I wished I could share. “Take care.”
She bustled out of the cafe, and Crys burst into giggles. “You crack me up, Hawk Sunday.Pesky toe closures.”
