“Oh, sure, that makes me feel so much better.”
“I have more muscles than you.”
He let out an offended scoff. “Take your sweater off and then we’ll see.”
Then Jamie’s eyes zipped to mine, and so much of the whites of his were visible as what he said hit him.
I opened my mouth, but he beat me to it. “Shut up.”
“If you’re going to talk about me taking my clothes off, you’re not allowed in my bedroom.”
“Just—shut up.” Jamie reached over and wrapped his hand around the window. His ears were flushed bright red. “Move, or I’ll squish you.”
Laughing, I obeyed, taking a step back. He stretched his leg out, hooking it through the window before hauling himself through. I held my hand out for him to steady himself, but his foot caught on the edge of the windowsill as he pulled himself inside. Jamie all but fell into me, the sudden weight knocking me off my feet.
We hit the ground hard, my hand still gripping his, Jamie’s legs tangling with mine as the floor vibrated.
Jamie pulled back a little, eyes wide. “Are you?—”
“Shh!” I gripped his hand, and my other hand latched onto his waist, keeping him still against me. I strained to hear any sliver of sound outside of my room.Please, don’t let that wake up Theo, I thought desperately, holding my breath.Or Ivy or Junie or Penn. Please, don’t let anyone have heard that.
Seconds ticked by, and I heard nothing. No floorboards shifting, no doors opening. I let out a little breath of relief.
When I looked up at him again, I found Jamie’s eyes screwed shut.
His body was stiff as if he were bracing for another fall. His free arm was pressed on the ground at my side, holding most of his weight off me, and he trembled a little with the effort. My hand slipped at his side, bunching in the material of his hoodie, while my other hand still gripped his. My lungs ached as I held my breath.Jamie.
Almost as if he heard me think his name, his eyesblinked open, immediately locking onto mine. “Sorry,” he whispered, the word a delicate glance across my skin.
I swallowed hard, letting go of him completely. “I don’t think they heard anything. We can… get up.”
Jamie sucked in a breath, all but launching off me. “I can’t believe I just climbed a tree for you,” he muttered, helping me stand without looking me in the eye. “I do so many stupid things for you, you know that?”
I dropped my hand. “Like fake dating me?”
“No.” His expression was serious. “That’s not stupid.”
I walked over to my bed and sat on the edge, drawing my knees to my chest. Now that he was here, I suddenly wanted to talk aboutnothing. Nonsense. Things that didn’t matter. Not college or Dalton or the massive fight that we’d left each other on.
Jamie wordlessly came over and sat down beside me, the mattress dipping under his weight. He sat close enough that I could smell the scent of the detergent on his clothes—Jamie didn’t wear cologne—but far enough away that our shoulders didn’t brush. He angled slightly toward me, but his eyes were on the floor in front of us.
“Why was Dalton at the club earlier?” Jamie asked, and I could hear the strain in his voice as he tried to sound nonchalant. “You guys played together?”
“He practically forced his way into our match,” I said, and annoyance lit through me once more. To be honest, even just the thought of Dalton after how he’d acted today irked me. “I don’t know why people are doing that lately. It’s not an open invitation.”
“Why was he holding your hand?”
“He wasn’t. He was holding my wrist to keep me from slapping him.” I sucked in a breath, thinking about my sketchbook on my desk. “Jamie, about Dalton?—”
“You’re my best friend,” Jamie said, keeping his voice quiet as his long fingers traced the seams of his jeans. “You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. I don’t want to fight with you—about anything. About Dalton, about NYU?—”
“I’m sorry.” The two words shook. I stared at the same spot on the floor, hugging my knees tighter. I thought about which conversation I wanted to tackle first and decided on the most important one. “I’m sorry for being so upset about college. Columbia isIvy League. Jamie, that’shuge. And I’ve been the worst best friend ever, not being more excited for you about it.”
My eyes were already starting to sting as I thought about all the times I’d thrown digs at Jamie here and there these past few weeks, like a toddler throwing a tantrum over not getting something she wanted. And since I couldn’t be upset about NYU waitlisting me—becausethatwas too large a pill to try and choke down—I let myself be mad at Jamie for not making the choice I would’ve.
I cleared my throat against the sudden tightness, but it didn’t help. “I guess it just felt like another door closing on a dream, you know?” I went on, blinking against the burn in my eyes. “I thought I could just live through you. That you could live my dream for me. Because it was one thing for me to give up on NYU, but it hurt even more to think… we both gave up on it. But you didn’t give up; you just have a different dream. And I should’vetold you sooner, but Iamproud that you got into Columbia. I’m really, really proud of you, Jamie.”
He didn’t reply for a long moment, long enough that I looked over at him and found that his own eyes had grown watery. My heart cracked at the sight. Jamie was sort of an easy crier, but knowing the reason for the sudden show of emotion stung me. His fingers still dug into his jeans, and I wanted to reach out, but something held me back.
