He runs a hand through his beard.
“I’m not normal. I accepted it a long time ago. If loving you so hard, doing anything to make you mine, and doing anything to keep you happy and safe isn’t normal, then I never want to be.”
I slowly meet his penetrating gaze. The bright blue irises I could get lost in forever are doing what they always do—put me in a chokehold.
“No,” I whisper.
“You screamedmy nameall these nights,” he snarls low.
I start to pace around the room, holding my hand over my mouth, deep in thought.I’m breaking him. I’m trying not to fall apart myself, but he isn’t making leaving any easier. He comes up behind me, tempted to embrace me, but he holds himself back.
“Was this all in my fucking head?” he asks.
A tear rolls down my cheek as I try to hold back my sobs, but I continue to choke on them, failing miserably.
“Don’t make me answer that,” I whisper.
“Look me in my eyes and tell me you didn’t fall in love with me, too?”
I keep my vision pinned to his muscular arms. I can’t look at him.
“Stop it,” I quip. “I have to go,” I murmur somberly.
He scoffs and smiles, but it’s anything but blissful. There’s resentment and unacceptance written all over him. He walks away, his shoulders swaying as he goes. His boots thud with every indignant step. He grabs a cigarette from his pocket and leans on the wall.
“You can’t look me in the eyes, can you, sweetheart?” he says brokenly but with forced confidence. I shut my eyes tight as the tears continue to roll down. I reach the front of the house and look out the window. There’s an officer waiting in the driver’s seat for me. I need to run. Run away and never come back here like the coward that I am.
“Promise me you’ll be okay? Promise me you won’t shut yourself out from the world?” I whisper, still unable to face him. “I don’t want you to be alone.”
He chuckles darkly, sarcasm clearly in between us. I glance over at him and tense up. He lights a cigarette with his lighter. He takes a drag and blows the smoke in the air, and seconds later, he's heading toward the backyard. He turns to me, his lips pressed together, with half-moon circles under his eyes, looking incredibly defeated and tired. Then he’s ambling toward me, hisstrides long and purposeful. That same scent of his that drives me wild filters through my nose.
“Do it. Put a fucking end to my misery. Tell me to let you go.”
“Stop it,” I scold.
“I’ve killed for you. I’d die for you, but right now, you’re making it hard to live for you. Don’t you see? If you think I’ll ever stop loving you once you leave, you’re fucking wrong. I’ll keep watching you. I’ll keep waiting.”
“I can’t stay here.”
“Stay with me, then. Choose the quiet. Choose us.”
“Gavin…I-I don’t know what to say.” I turn around and walk further away so that I can breathe.
“Tell me, you love me.” He takes a step forward, forcing me to stop breathing.
“Tell me you can’t live without me.” Another step.
He cups my face, and I gaze into his reddened eyes. Our chests collide, and my hands hover over his, but I’m still unsure what to do.
“Or tell me to let you go.”
He pushes his face in front of mine so that our noses are touching. He closes his eyes as his brows furrow, and I clench onto his fingers like I’m trying to make him decide for me.
“Let me go,” I breathe. His entire body loosens, and he rests his forehead against mine. My heart chips more, and I open my mouth to say something, but no words come out. I suck in another breath just as my frown slips into a heavy pout. The one man I thought I could trust obliterated that hope in seconds. He gave me the push I needed to draw again—to dream, but his secrets are burying me back into darkness. I know he’s not like Liam, but stalking me? Pretending not to know who I truly am? Hacking my GPS? It’s a lot for me to process, especially after what happened to Merelyn. I’m traumatized, and yet I still ache for him.
“I don’t want to break your heart. You cannot force me toaccept that everything you did to get me here was okay. This was always going to end. A winter storm doesn’t last forever.” I take a step away from him. I don’t miss the muscle underneath his eye flexing with despair.
“The lengths I’d go to keep you are limitless. If it takes a damn winter storm to keep you here with me, I’ll find a way to make it snow 365 days out of the year.” He shakes his head. “But that’s not what you want, is it?” He swings the door open and stands with one foot out. “You don’t want me?”
