A cloud of vapor leaves my mouth, soon dispersing somewhere between myself and the joyous scene full of music and fun. Perhaps I can ask Tristan to escort me down there when the party is over, so I can see the animals and the ice sculptures arranged between the tents in more detail? There’s only so much I can spot with my spyglass, but beneath my feet is a romantic fantasy brought to life.
Every time I read about humans spirited away into a world of intrigue and fae princes,thiswas what I pictured. Glass-like walls warding off the cold while the garden remains covered in snow. Dancers in elaborate gowns and suits spinning together under crystal chandeliers as music rises, making it all reminiscent of a clockwork-powered snow globe.
And I just watch.
Distant.
Apart.
A lone figure in a woolen cloak, unnecessary and forgotten while dreams come true below.
I can see Tristan so clearly.
As the dress code for the ball is supposed to be winter-themed without it being a costume party, all the elves are dressed in blues, black, silver, and everything in between. Even Tristan is in a shade of navy. His coat has a trim of black fur, and he's wearing silver jewelry, but his blood red hair makes him stand out.
It floats through the air as he dances, perfect like a porcelain figurine that’s too precious for someone like me to handle. He’s a wild dream I should have never allowed myself, yet here I am, yearning every time he smiles at someone else.
Why am I like this?
I rejected him several times, so what is this dull sense of jealousy? It isn’t fair on him. I might not get my fairytale ending, but he deserves his, and at least I’m not there to hog his attention.
Staying away is so much easier when the man you have feelings for is a complete asshole, when he cheats on you, or when you can have a clean break, allowing you to not see him.
But I can’t have that with Tristan. He’s the only person who feels safe in this strange realm, and it’s messing with my mind constantly. How I wish I could be as carefree as I used to. I’ve never been the life of the party, but I wasn’t afraid of my ownshadow either. While I’ve always preferred being approached, I was able to make a move when I put my mind to it.
I could have said I changed my mind about the ball many times and joined the celebration as if I belonged there. I could have embraced the gothic aesthetic at court, painted my eyes with kohl, and for just one night, become someone else, someone who doesn’t hide on a balcony when everyone else is having the time of their lives.
At one point, I saw many people play a game that involved finding someone with a matching rosette pinned to their arm. I wasn’t able to discern the rules, but other than a few sulking elves, and a little argument erupting in one of the translucent tents, the elves laughed, danced, shared drinks with their ‘match’…
Why have I said no again?
Right, crippling social anxiety caused by months of torture.
And the fact that every shadow wielder at that ball will be able to see the thread connecting me to Tristan. They would call me his promised and ask why he hasn’t yet made me his Dark Companion, and then I would have to lie, because my desire to break the bond is apparently as despicable as drowning baby animals.
Distasteful. Not done. Borderline illegal. A threat to all other shadow bonded.
At least the astronomer who might help us locate the unicorn is supposedly traveling to this region, so maybe there will soon be an update on my situation, and I won’t have to worry.
Because what are my alternatives? Over the weeks of frantic reading, all three of us, including Sabine, hasn’t found any other hope for breaking the thread of shadow than the unicorn. I can’t bear to go back to my world with that terrifying threat hanging over me. And I can’t stay in this limbo, attached to Tristan but not his, a useless barnacle weighing him down and stopping himfrom acquiring a Dark Companion who could contribute to his power.
My life was no bed of roses, but before Gloombane, I’d never feared for my life. How do I rebuild my confidence here, in the Nightmare Realm, where the most horrific things happened to me?
Lady approaches me on the balcony with a whine and licks my hand.
Then again… I felt so free, so capable when I helped that cow deliver her baby. It awakened a spark I’d forgotten I had. The Nate who decided overnight to go on an adventure into another realm, with an elven prince he’d just met.
It is a magical place, and if Tristan had claimed me from the very start, nourishing me with his attention and showing me this enchanting world, I’d likely be down there too, spinning inside the frosty bubble to live music.
With my prince at my side and happier than I have ever been.
As his Dark Companion.
I sink to the floor, back to the wall, and Lady lies next to me, big head weighing down my lap. Maybe it would be better for me to stop entertaining such fantasies, or else I shall start dreaming of things I am rejecting along with Tristan. Like an eternal life as a romantasy hero.
“But if I go, I won’t be able to take you with me,” I whisper to Lady, hugging her close. It would be too risky for many reasons. We don’t know how sunlight would affect her since she’s grown up here. I’ve learned that it’s why banishment to my realm is such a cruel fate for an elf. After the first full moon passes, the elves start aging, and some even develop terrible illnesses from the sun. And with the way Lady looks already, I would have had to keep her a secret.
So maybe… Lady would give me a good excuse to visit?
