I try not to sneer at the reminder of their previous engagement. Them being together doesn’t bother me, but the thought of how close Ignacio got to giving Benjamin that…it makes the dark parts of me beg for violence.
Ignacio must see it as he watches me warily, sitting straighter in his seat.
“Do you know what he plays on?” I ask.
Ignacio gives me a blank stare, and I snort. Right, training and books, and probably Roman, are his specialties, not video games. I’ll have to ask Benjamin myself, and figure out why he never fucking mentioned it. Everyone needs a damn hobby, especially in this life. Hell, even fucking Javi has a hobby. Does he know? Has he gotten that far into his “research” of the topolino yet?
I frown, this probably means I need to talk to the damn psychiatrist and ask what his plans are for Benjamin. As much as he’s going to argue, he doesn’t get a choice—therapy is a must, for many reasons.
A knot forms in my stomach as the crushing realization falls over me at the thought that I…don’t know my Topolino as well asI should. I can blame him and say he’s the one who should have been more open, but I am just as responsible.Fuck. Is it any wonder I’ve almost killed himtwicenow?
Sighing, I swallow back the irritating feelings of…inadequacy and say, “Thank you. For telling me. I’m pissed it took someone else to give me this information, but I’ll take anything I can get. Benjamin and I…we’re so far apart right now, and I don’t want to lose him. I’m not sure he’ll survive if things keep going the way they are. It’ll devastate Lio if Benjamin doesn’t make it.”
“And you,” he says softly. “I can see how much you care about him, Ten. I know the three of us have had our issues, and even though my feelings for him have changed many times, you’re both my family in some way. I don’t want to see you suffer the same fate Benjamin and I did. If you love him like I think you do, I know you’ll make this work. He…blossoms under your care. In a way he never did for me.” He gives me a small smile. “I now know it’s because Roman is who I was meant to be with, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Still, I want you to be okay. I kept trying, kept encouraging him to talk to you, to not push you away. Don’t let him make the same mistakes.”
I shake my head. “I won’t.”
The ball in my stomach grows, and I label it as what shame must feel like, before once again shoving it aside. No, this isn’t anyone’s fault. Well, it’s mine and Benjamin’s, but given the circumstances of how we ended up together, I’m willing to take the chance to fix things. Ineedto fix things.
Never did I think help would come from the person who should hate me the most, but as we’ve all learned, since the very beginning, things aren’t always black and white. Relationships are fluid, and life is messy. Mistakes were made, but that doesn’t mean any of us are bad people. Ignacio proves that by naming himself myfriend.
Fucking hell, Emilio has me acting all sappy now with his fuckingfeelings whisperertitle. Little shit is lucky he’s adorable. Though he’s going to be leashed if Hollis has anything to do with it, so he can’t run off to the next dangerous stranger he sees with a cute animal.
Meeting Ignacio’s gaze again, I say, “Thank you.”
“It’s what friends are for.”
I sneer and he laughs, not seeing me as the threat I am. It’s…refreshing, and maybe a little fun. Doesn’t make us friends though, no matter what he or Roman might think.
Ibounce into Anderson’s office, humming softly. He glances up at me from his desk, smiling in response. He gestures for me to take a seat, and I hesitate. He normally comes to my room, but now that I’m being allowed out on my own for brief periods—or supervised, if needed—we’re shifting to his office.
I spin around slowly, checking out my surroundings. The office is very reflective of Anderson. The walls are a pale lavender, with dark-purple accents. The loveseat looks very comfortable, and so do the two large chairs arranged in a cluster. There are also way too many throw pillows, and I wrinkle my nose at that, but the rest is really nice. There’s a couple of old school movie and musical posters as well. On the small table in front of the loveseat, there's even a couple of coloring books and crayons.
“Does Monroe share the space with you?” I ask softly, unable to take my eyes off the coloring books.
Anderson chuckles from far closer than I expected, and I jolt before scurrying over to the loveseat and practically sitting on my hands. “No, they’re not his. Although I’m sure he has plenty in his office, too. I find coloring relaxing. Sometimes my clients like to color as they talk about difficult things. It reminds the brain of easier times. And…sometimes, it’s fun to be a little destructive with it, in a healthy way.”
Nodding, I force myself to not look at the crayons, even though it sounds like fun. Instead, I give my attention to Anderson, who sits on one of the large chairs. He’s wearing a baby-blue button-down with khakis and a thin belt that has a silver buckle. He's opted for sneakers, which makes me smile.
After noticing my scrutiny, he asks, “Well, do I pass the fashion test?”
Giggling, I say, “Javi would say you have flair.”
“I believe you’re right. You’re certainly in a good mood today. Want to share with me?”
Leaning forward, I talk rapidly, my hands gesturing as I go. “I met a bunny! Her name is Fury, and she’s on a harness and a leash. The new therapist arrived! His name is Atticus. Oh, and he killed a bunch of guards, which was really fun, and super sexy—maybe don’t tell Daddy that part.
“Fury is so soft! I hope Mr. Atticus lets me play with her again. I need to ask Leandro if he thinks Midas will be okay with the bunny, though. I know he’s worked hard to keep Midas’s training up while I’ve been…unavailable, but I miss him. I hope he’s okay to roam free with the bunny here.”
Anderson blinks, his jaw dropping. For a moment, I run through what I said, unable to understand why it would be shocking. Then, I blush, realizing that others probably don’t see killing the same way I do. Dropping my eyes, I mumble anapology, embarrassment bringing tears to my eyes. I swipe at them, trying to get myself under control.
“Hey, it’s fine,” Anderson replies kindly. “This is just a little new to me. Although, I have a question for you.”
I sneak a glance at him, but keep my eyes averted for the most part. Shrugging, I respond, “Yes?”
“Have you noticed lately that you’re a little more excited? More…hmm…open?”
Biting my lip, I raise my eyes slowly while nodding. It’s been a weird sensation. “I…I don’t know how to describe it. It’s… I’ve only felt this way once before. With Master, back when he was Daddy. Now, he’s Papa Bear, and Tennant is Daddy, but…I don’t know.”
