‘She knows it isn’t,’ Jude put in. ‘But can we be serious for a minute? There isn’t time to argue. You have a decision to make, Ed. You either come back with us now or the wedding isn’t going to happen.’
‘Fuck,’ Ed said, collapsing into one of the cheap plastic flip seats in the stand. ‘It’s just .?.?. I’mscared. Look at how massive this day has become – how many people are invested in it. Joe’s thriving on it, it makes him happy, and I—’ He paused, and Hannah understood that, whatever was coming next, he was scared witless to say it out loud.
‘I don’t know if I can live a life big enough for Joe,’ Ed went on. ‘Be visible, in the ways I think he wants us to be visible. And I want him to have everything he wants, all the time – not feel he has to say no to things becauseIdon’t want them, because they makemeuncomfortable. I don’t think I can do this, be with him, if it means I’ll—’ His voice broke.
‘Limit him,’ Hannah finished. ‘Hold him back.’God. She understood her twin’s feelings perfectly – felt the silver thread that connected them tighten as their gazes met in sympathy.
‘Exactly,’ Ed agreed.
Jude sighed heavily. ‘Ed, please listen to me. And trust me, because I know what I’m talking about. Joe loves you. He also loves himself, and attention, which is why it maybe seems he’s forgotten thatnothing– no level of public adulation, no career trajectory, no job,nokind of success – will ever mean more to him than being with you.’
Hannah felt Jude’s eyes on her and dared herself to look at him as he spoke. Dared to hope this speech was as much for her as it was her brother.
‘No opportunity that ever comes Joe’s way will be as important as the chance he has now to commit to you,’ Jude continued, ‘to promise he’ll spend the rest of his life taking care of you, striving to make you happy. If you doubt that, it’s because he’s made an error, or hasn’t been paying attention – not because it isn’t true. You don’t have to be the same, or want all the same things, for your relationship to work. Making a life together means building something that works for both of you. Joe knows that.’ He glanced at Hannah. ‘Iknow that.’
Hannah felt her eyes go glossy with tears and said, ‘It’s also worth remembering that, although it might feel like it sometimes, Joe isn’t actually a mind-reader. You didn’t let him know how you were feeling, Ed.’ Her brother nodded reluctant acceptance of this, so she went on:‘You told me this was rich last time I said it, and you weren’t wrong .?.?. But it’s not fair to assume Joe can’t, or won’t, give you what you need if you’re not prepared to ask for it. Don’t say you’re refusing to hold him back if what you actually mean is you’re not being honest. That’s just limiting him in a different way – not giving him thechanceto choose you, because deep down you’re terrified he won’t.’ She shook as she said this, her whole body quivering like she’d just exorcised a demon.
‘I believe that’s what the kids call a GPWM. Good point, well made,’ came a voice from behind them. Joe’s. He was standing several rows back, arms crossed, nothing short of resplendent in his wedding suit.
Ed looked up at him, regret and guilt and gratitude shining in his hazel eyes. ‘Actually,’ he said with a sniff, ‘I think only old people say that these days. You look .?.?.’
‘Oh, I know,’ Joe said, smiling in satisfaction. ‘You three, on the other hand .?.?.’ He gestured at the state of them: Ed, sweaty and tear-stained; Hannah, flushed and emotional; Jude, unkempt and still unshowered. He glanced at his watch. ‘It’s almost one,’ he said, ‘so we probably need to decide if we’re doing this, or sacking off Renfrew and hopping on the next plane to Vegas. I don’t care either way, to be clear, Ed, as long as you still marry me.’
‘Really?’ Ed said.
‘Really. You know I have a soft spot for Caesar’s Palace.’
Ed began cry-laughing, and Joe said: ‘Come here, you idiot.’
They hugged and kissed, and Hannah abruptly felt that she and Jude probably shouldn’t be there. This was too important, too intimate a moment for them to witness.
‘Let’s go,’ Ed said, seemingly to everyone. ‘Not to Vegas. Back to Renfrew. It is my dream venue, after all, and I need to get ready. Can’t be photographed next to him lookingthisgood if I haven’t even washed my hair.’ He turned to Joe, who’d taken his hand and was holding it tightly. ‘How did you know I’d be here? If you don’t want us thinking you actuallyaretelepathic, you’d best explain.’
‘I know you,’ Joe said simply. ‘Something felt off after Jude left The Purefoy, so I called Livi, who said she knew nothing about any crisis. I figured then you were having some kind of meltdown, and I knew what you’d do about it. Then all it took to find you was a quick google and a fifteen-quid cab ride.’
‘Bloody hell,’ Hannah complained, ‘we looked in about ten places before we came here.’ It warmed her heart, though, that Joe understood her brother so well. Even better than she did, it seemed.
They began walking the short distance back to the White Rose. Relieved as she was that the wedding wasn’t off, Hannah gloomily figured the ‘getting ready time’ she’d be left with wouldnotallow for the film-star makeup look she’d planned. She texted Livi to apologise for being AWOL during her slot with Cheryl, the hair and makeup artist they had booked for the day, and explained that, now she’d averted a last-minute crisis, she’d appreciate anything that could be done for her within the next hour.
Joe unexpectedly fell into step beside her, slowing his pace so they walked a little behind Ed and Jude. ‘All right?’ she asked him.
‘Yes,’ Joe said. ‘I just wanted to thank you for finding him.’
‘It’s pretty clear you could have done that on your own,’ Hannah answered with a laugh.
‘True. But it means a lot to me that you trust me enough with him towantus to get married today. To have tried to save this for us.’
This was probably the most straightforwardly sincere thing Joe had ever said to her, and Hannah felt a sudden rush of affection for him. She’d spent many years thinking of him as an honorary brother, and today it would become true. ‘Of course I’d want to save your big day,’ she joked, ‘my professional reputation’s riding on it. Also, he adores you. He always has.’
‘You know, I noticed Ed back then, too. Felt something for him far longer ago than I let on.’
‘Oh?’ If she sounded sceptical, she couldn’t help it. The way she remembered it, Joe had spent his teens and early twenties fending off every eligible gay or bisexual man – and some decidedlyineligible ones – within a forty-mile radius.
‘Yes,’ Joe assured her. ‘Pretty much from the moment I realised there was any chance he could be interested.’
‘Seriously?’ Hannah was unable to hide her shock. Ed had come out at eighteen – a whole decade ago.
‘Why are you surprised?’ Joe asked. ‘Surely you of all people understand that not wearing your heart on your sleeve doesn’t mean you’re heartless.’ She nodded, feeling very seen indeed.
