I cry and cry, until the usual ruckus of the tavern has gone to sleep.
Then I let my eyes close, and the exhaustion of crying for hours and the booze still sitting heavy in my stomach, carry me away into the darkness.
Chapter Twenty-Six
CYRUS
The day is sunny and bright, the birds chirping overhead and the sea calm.
The complete opposite of how I feel inside.
I’m trying to work, but I’ve become more of a hindrance than a help today. Everything is jumbled. I’m hurt. But I also understand how I hurt her too. Even when I didn’t mean to.
I want to talk to her, but she’s made herself scarce all morning.
When she left me at the pool last night, I stayed behind fiddling with the cracked and misplaced seashell, in hopes I could let her cool off a bit, before trying to talk to her again. But as usual, I made the wrong choice of saying nothing, because by the time I got back, she wasn’t in the room. Having gone to her own room on the top floor. Barred and locked from anyone that isn’t her from entering.
I got up with the first sparks of sunlight and rushed to get down to the tavern, to wait for her to come through. Running on a couple hours of sleep wasn’t easy, but I hoped it would be worth it when I got to see her again. But she never came down,or if she came down, she slipped out a different exit before I could catch sight of her.
Now I’m out on the ship, trying to get through the last of the repairs that need mending. We’re so close to being able to leave and get back out on the open water, and normally I’d be excited about that.
But I’m not.
It’ll be nice to be back out on the water, but right now, I’m not quite ready to leave yet.
Amara’s been side-eyeing me for the last few minutes, watching me fumble things I can usually do in my sleep. Keeping my mask in place is becoming an exhausting feat. All I want to do is cry.
It hurt so much hearing Tally tell me she loves me, but refuses to be with me.
Not that I blame her, why would anyone want to be with me. Everything she said was right. I’m still in love with Amara. Nothing has changed that fact.
But this feeling right now hurts so much worse than when I finally realised me and Amara would be nothing more than friends. This hurt feels like it's tearing me into a million tiny pieces.
When I fumble a box of nails, sending the little bits of metal all over the deck, I growl low in my throat. Ready to pummel something to bits.
Kneeling down instead, I spend a tedious amount of time cleaning them up, before dropping the box on a stack of wood. I see Amara start making her way over to me, concern etched into her features– not wanting to let her know what is ripping me from limb to limb, I rush off the ship like my arse is on fire.
Mentally clocking out for the day and needingto find Tally.
We need to talk, something more than a one-sided conversation.
I just need to see her.
My eyes roam over the tavern.
Tracking over and between all the other pirates that threaten my view of Tally.
All day I’ve looked for her. From the minute I got off the ship earlier, I’ve been searching. Around the dock, around the local businesses. I wandered the halls of the inn like a goddamn lunatic. I even went back up to the pool to look for her. But she’s been no where.
Now tonight, I’m in the tavern, double checking every person who comes in.
There’s a break between pirates and I’m sure I see her caramel eyes, their usual shine dull and meek. Instantly, I’m up from my seat. Trying to peer over the heads of pirates to catch another glimpse of her. Making my way towards the bar, ignoring the calls and questions from the rest of the crew, simply trying to catch sight of those long locks or piercing gaze.
The second I make it to the bar, all signs of her are gone. Spinning to try and catch her within the crowd. I probably look wild, frantic at best. I couldn’t give a fuck. The need to find her is eating away at me, leaving panic and pain just on the outskirts of my periphery.
It’s only when I come full circle, I notice the back door swinging slightly. The sway of it is slow enough to tell me, if I went out to find her, she’d be long gone.
This island is hers after all, she knows every nook and cranny and can disappear within milliseconds.
