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She wasn’t seeing the problem I was seeing. Of course, she didn’t know the jackass like I knew the jackass, so it was easy for her to dismiss him. “I wasn’t thinking of your sister. That’s not why that won’t work.”
I saw the spark of despair in her eyes the second the realization hit her. “Oh God…Griffin.”
Nodding, I agreed with her summation. “Yeah…Griffin. He really does tell everyone.” Remembering her cluelessness, I smiled. “I don’t know how you managed to miss that. You’ve gotten good at tuning him out.” My humor left me as the problem loomed over us. “When Denny hears that it isn’t true…” He’ll know. We’ll change him…forever.
Kiera looked devastated that her lie wasn’t good enough. I kind of loved the fact that lying wasn’t one of her specialties. I was good enough for both of us, and I wasn’t proud of that fact. “What was I supposed to tell him, Kellan? I had to come up with something.” She stared at her hands. “You know, it’s possible that you both—”
I knew where she was going with that, and cut her off. “No. It’s not possible.” I smiled when she looked up at me. I would never touch Anna. She doesn’t hold a candle to you. Remembering Griffin’s explicit tales, I frowned. “Griffin is very…specific…about what he tells people. It’s not just that he slept with her. It’s that he slept with her, and I didn’t, like he stole her away from me or something. He’s got this weird competitive thing—”
“I’ve noticed that,” she said, her lips twisting in disgust. Sighing, she laid her head back on the seat. “God, I didn’t even think about that.”
My sigh matched hers. Damn Griffin. “I can’t guarantee you anything, but I could try talking to Griffin. Maybe get him to alter the story. I’ll probably have to threaten to kick him out of the band. Actually, I may just do that anyway.”
“No!” she yelled. Glancing at the door fearfully, she slapped a hand over her mouth.
I bunched my brows, confused. Why did she care if I kicked Griffin out? “You want me to keep him in the band?”
Dropping her hand, she gave me a faint, amused smile, then she frowned. “No, I don’t want him to know—ever! He won’t stay silent about that. He’d tell everyone, in horrifying detail. He’d tell Denny! Please, don’t ever—”
She was really starting to freak out. In an attempt to calm her, I put my hands on her shoulders. “Okay. It’s okay. I won’t tell him anything, Kiera.” When she let out a sigh of relief, I added, “It wouldn’t matter anyway. He’s told too many people already.” Hating that this was hurting her, that this was going to hurt Denny, I brushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “I’m sorry, but Denny will find out that you lied to him…and then he’ll start to wonder why.”
She gazed up at me, like I was her saving grace. Like I had all the answers. I wished I did. “And then what? After he knows I lied, how long do you think we have?”
“How long before Denny figures out that we’ve slept together?” That was the question of the day, wasn’t it? Interlacing our fingers again, I rested against the seat. “Well, if you stay out here with me all night, he’ll probably have it figured out by morning.” With a laugh, I rested my cheek on her head. I felt her relaxing against me, and knew my brief moment of humor had calmed her down some. Although, there was a lot of truth in my statement. We needed to go inside soon.
When the levity passed, I told her, “I don’t know, Kiera. A few hours, maybe? A couple of days at the most.”
That alarmed her. Pulling back, she sputtered, “Hours? But…he has no real proof. He couldn’t possibly think…”
Her eyes were gorgeous in the moonlight—a deep, dark green surrounded by flecks of golden brown. They glistened in her fear, but behind the anxiety, I saw affection. A deeply rooted affinity…for me. It spoke volumes without saying a word. Releasing her hand, I ran the back of my finger down her cheek. “He has all the proof he needs, right here.” The eyes don’t lie, and yours say you love me.
“What do we do, Kellan?”
She peeked up at the house, like she was afraid Denny would hear my answer. Maybe he should. Maybe we should walk in there, hand in hand, wake him up…and tell him that the life he once knew was over. That we’d both betrayed him. My heart seized at just the thought of confronting him. A voice from the past drifted to me, along with a memory—Denny, his lip cut, swollen and bloody, courtesy of my father; a split lip that had been meant for me. Denny’s hand on my shoulder while I shook with trepidation, afraid of how my father was going to retaliate for someone saving me. Denny hadn’t been scared. Not one little bit. I’m here for you, Kellan. I’ll always be here for you. And this is how I repaid him for his sacrifice? Crushing his relationship to irreparable pieces? No…I couldn’t face him. I’d rather run…
“I can start the car, and we can be in Oregon before the sun comes up.” I was such a coward.
I could almost see her contemplating it as I stared into her eyes—the two of us running into the sunset, fleeing from our problems, never looking back at the destruction we were leaving in our wake. As we gazed at each other, her breath started getting faster and shorter. Before long, she was nearly wheezing, and she started hunching over like she was going to be sick. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t leave him. She wouldn’t ever leave him. I was living in a fantasy…but it was so nice here…I wasn’t ready to leave either.
I stroked her hair to soothe her. “Hey. Breathe, Kiera, it’s okay…Breathe.” Cupping her cheek, I tried to get her to focus on what was happening now, tried to get her to let go of whatever vision was rolling around her head. “Look at me. Breathe.”
Her eyes locked onto mine, and her breathing slowed and deepened. Tears fell off her jaw as she shook it back and forth. “Not like that. He’s too much a part of me. I need time. I can’t talk about this yet.”
Her reaction to just the thought of leaving him solidified the truth for me and dissolved the illusion I’d been holding on to. She cared for me, loved me even, but she wouldn’t leave him. She couldn’t. I knew she wasn’t ready to think about making a choice yet, but I also knew that when she made her choice…it wouldn’t be me.
I nodded, but I felt the fragile hold on “us” slipping. I felt time ticking faster. I won’t have long with her. Maybe seeing my conclusion on my face, Kiera whispered, “I’m so sorry, Kellan.”
I tried to smile, even though it hurt. “Don’t be…Don’t be sorry for loving someone.” Pulling her in tight, I kissed her head. As chilly reality settled around me, I knew what I had to do. I’d started this; I had to be the one to end it. I was the only one who could. And I should do it soon, before Denny pieced this horrible puzzle together, before our secret was laid bare. And the only way to stop Denny from digging until he found the truth was to take away the need for him to dig at all. Remove the source of the suspicion, that was what I had to do.
“Don’t worry, Kiera. I’ll think of something. I’ll fix this, I promise.”
Before he finds out, I’ll go, and this time I’ll leave for good. Like I said before, we won’t hurt him unnecessarily. He’ll never know what happened here. This secret will die with us. I’ll spare him the pain, and I’ll spare you too. I’ll carry it all. I’m used to that.
We stayed in the car until the first light of dawn turned the world pink with promise. “Promise” was such a misleading word. It suggested hope, but sometimes promise had no hope attached to it. At least, not for everyone. Sometimes, to give someone else hope, you had to cut out your own. And it was just as difficult as cutting off your own limb, but then again…if sacrifice was easy, everyone would do it.
Hating time for closing in on us, I gave Kiera a squeeze and told her what we were both thinking. “You should go inside.”
She instantly locked onto the word “you,” not “we.” Pulling back, she looked me over with panicked eyes. “What about you? Aren’t you coming?”
In the end, no, it won’t be me with you. “There’s something I need to do first.”
“What?” she asked, confused.
Smiling, I skirted my way around the answer. I couldn’t tell her yet. She’d argue, say I was wrong, but I wasn’t. I knew where this was going. I saw the signs all around me. She loved me, but not enough to leave him. We’d crush Denny…for nothing. For a fantasy. I didn’t want that, and I knew she didn’t either.
“Go on…it will be okay.” I gave her a kiss, then leaned over to unlatch the door. “I love you,” I whispered as she got out. Always. Sliding over to her side, I leaned up so she could kiss me. We shared a brief, torturous connection, and I felt her lips trembling as we pulled apart. She had tears on her cheeks when I returned to my side of the car. This was going to be difficult for both of us.
