‘I can’t believe it. I genuinely can’t.’
‘I can,’ I said, nudging her knee with mine. ‘You’re insanely talented, Nikita. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I can’t wait to tell everyone back at home that I used to live with a movie star.’
Nikita waved a hand at me, making a show of blushing, then narrowed her eyes at me. ‘Wait, what do you mean “used to”?’
I swallowed. ‘I mean … with the way things are going at work, I’m probably about to be fired. And without this job, I can’t afford to stay here. So …’ I trailed off, dropping my gaze to the hands curled in my lap.
‘Kavya.’ She shifted closer, her voice softening into a whisper. ‘First of all, I don’t think they’re going to fire you.’
I opened my mouth to protest, but she held up a finger. ‘Second,’ she continued firmly. ‘Even if—and I meanif—they do make the mistake of letting you go, you do realize that you can easily get another job, right? You’re brilliant at what you do. Look at this amazing shoot you’ve pulled off …’
I could hear what she was saying, but a louder, more persuasive voice in my head was drowning her out.She’s your friend, of course she’ll say that. But the truth is, you’ve ruined your reputation at work, self-destructed your dumb heart and single-handedly set fire to the life you were just starting to build. There’s nothing left for you here now, genius.I felt a stinging behind my eyes, a warning sign that I was seconds away from collapsing on the floor in a pool of my own tears.
‘Hey.’ Nikita lifted my chin so I’d meet her eye. ‘Stop spiralling.’
‘I’m not,’ I mumbled.How does she know me so well?
‘And as for the other reason you want to run off …’ She gave me a look that made me want to cover my face with both hands. ‘He’s not worth it, babe. No one is.’
I closed my eyes, pushing the tears back down. ‘You’re right.’
She waited patiently for my breathing to slow down. ‘Kavu, this city hasn’t given up on you. Whether you see it or not, Mumbaiwantsyou here. You belong here more than you think.’ She tilted her head and looked at me for a few seconds. ‘So the real question is … what doyouwant?’
I stared at her for a long moment, letting her question travel past my eardrums and land deep inside my chest.What do I want?The question was simple enough, but the answer was not quite as straightforward. For too long, this city had left me feeling utterly powerless. But somewhere along the way, it had also toughened me up. It had pushed me, dragged me and kicked me around, but it had also shaped me. If I’d met this version of myself back in Mussoorie, I wouldn’t have recognized her. Hell, I would’ve probably beenjealousof her. That wasn’t nothing.
A soft patter of rain tapped against the balcony glass, interrupting my thoughts. Within a second, it had picked up speed and was roaring outside. Nikita and I turned to watch as sheets of rain began sweeping down, blurring everything in view.I shook my head as a soft laugh bubbled out of me.Is this it? The moment in every Bollywood movie where the heroine falls in love with Bombay?
I got up without thinking and yanked Nikita to her feet. She yelped as I pulled her towards the door.
‘Come on,’ I said, already stepping into my slippers. ‘I know what I want.’
We skipped the elevator, ran down the stairs and kept running until we were standing outside the building, directly under the downpour. We were completely drenched within seconds, but we stayed where we were, hair plastered to our faces and feet splashing through puddles. Nikita shrieked and I started laughing as the wild rain washed over us. I tilted my face up and spread my arms out, opening my heart to the sky. To Bombay.
Afterwards, once I’d showered and changed into a fresh set of PJs, I began feeling like the fog that had been clouding my mind for the last few days had finally lifted. I knew what I needed to do. So I grabbed my phone before the feeling could wear off.
The first message I wrote out was for someone who deserved the whole truth. And a chance at a future that had more in store than my emotional leftovers.
Me: Hi, Arjun. I’m truly sorry to be the kind of person who does this over text, but I fear I may never find the courage to say what I need to if we were sitting across from each other.
The truth is, I’ve been thinking a lot about you. About us, and who we used to be. Those years we spent together in Mussoorie gave me some of the fondest memories of my life and I’ll always be grateful to the universe for that version of us. But I’ve realized that trying to go back to that is kind of like trying to fit into our school’s alumni hoodies… no amount of tailoring can change the fact that we’ve simply outgrown them.
So, I want to do you the kindness and be clear in a way I maybe haven’t been before. There is no ‘maybe’ here anymore. We’re not getting back together, not now, not ever. I’d like to believe that there is a future where we can be friends again, but it can’t be until you’ve completely let go of the past. And who knows, by then you might realize I’m not worth all this trouble anyway.
Rooting for you, always,
Kavya.
I placed the phone face down next to me on the bed and lay down. There was another message I needed to send, but I had no clue where to start. Not because I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but because the shame and the guilt made it hard to string the words together.
So, I reached for my phone and dialled a number instead.
‘Hello?’ My mother’s voice was almost drowned out by the noise behind her. ‘I’ve come to the market, beta. Can I call you back?’
‘Mumma,’ I said, the word slipping out the way it used to when I was a child who relied on her for every little thing.
There was a pause as I heard shuffling noises through the line. Chatter. Honking. A scooter revving too close to the phone. ‘Kavu?’ I heard a car door bang shut and the noise faded away. ‘I’m here, beta. Tell me what’s wrong.’
My heart welled up. She always had been able to read me like a book.
