“Dad, I don't want to talk about this again. Our relationship is none of your business. She’s also not a distraction. She’s…”
I’m what?
“Maybe not yet. But she will be. I’m not saying you two shouldn’t be together, just that now might not be the right time. I just think you need to keep your priorities straight—"
“I know, Dad,” Kai cuts him off. “I am. You don’t have to worry about it.”
“Well, I am going to worry about it. There’s zero room for error, Kai. You don’t have the luxury of being able to afford fuck ups or mistakes. When people who look like us try to achieve greatness, we have to work twice as hard for the same amount or sometimes half of the appreciation and accolades.”
The way they’re talking about this makes it seem like they have this conversation a lot. Suddenly I don’t want to keep eavesdropping. I get up from the hammock as inconspicuously as possible and start speedwalking somewhere. Anywhere to get away from what I just heard.
But Kai wouldn’t do that, would he? Break up with me. Discard me like garbage and forget about us? Would he sacrifice our relationship for the sake of his career? I didn’t think so but now I’m not so sure. Kai’s life has to be controlled, organized, disciplined with tight schedules and strict food regimens. Daily workouts that leave him exhausted and that’s on top of practices and games. That’s the cost of playing at a collegiate level. And getting drafted, playing in the NHL, would require even more of him. Everything. I am throwing all of that off balance. I’m chaos and unpredictability. Not intentionally. But just the fact that he’s in a serious long-term relationship is enough. He’s forced to carve out time he doesn’t have. Time that can be better spent preparing for his career.
Am I a welcome face after long days? A reprieve from the pressure of his grueling athletic commitments and rigorous course load? I don’t know anymore. I’ve always thought I make his life better, enhance it. The way he enhances mine. But maybe all I am is a distraction he can’t afford. One more thing he has to devote energy to, that he probably doesn’t have. And just like that, the seeds of doubt are planted in my heart, watered with insecurities and uncertainty. Words spoken into existence by his father that before were only soft whispers in my head. This makes it real. Threatening.
It becomes a wild insatiable beast in my chest, snarling and scraping, thrashing with hunger, and yearning to escape. Ready to feast on the parts of me I don’t quite know how to love or nurture yet.
For the first time, I wonder whether Kai’s future—neatly outlined, clearly defined, and laid out for him before he could even walk—if maybe that future doesn’t include me at all.
Chapter 42
Kai
Twoweeks.It’sbeentwo weeks since Kendall slept over and we’ve already reverted back to horny lovesick teenagers again. If I’m not with her, I’m thinking about her and when I’m with her, I’m trying my hardest to get her alone and remove as much clothing as possible. Practice, games, and visits with Akio and Ken eat up most of my time. Which doesn’t leave a lot of room for anything else.
Realizing I haven’t heard from Aiden in a while, I drop by his apartment on my one free afternoon in weeks. Whoever opens his door is the most haggard, unhinged version of him I have ever met. A gaunt, pale face I almost don’t recognize peers back at me. His hair sticks up in random places, bones peek out from underneath his skin, and his eyes are red rimmed and glassy. And somehow, he smells worse than he looks, which is pretty fucking bad. Like he hasn’t bothered to shower in days.
“What are you doing here?” he mutters, hand gripped firmly on the door that’s barely open. Which I assume is intentional—if this is how he looks, I’m a little terrified to see the rest of his apartment.
“Nice to see you too, asshole,” I remark with a smirk. “You realize it’s like two in the afternoon, right?”
“Yeah, so?” he grumbles.
“Don’t you have work or something?” I ask suspiciously.
“It’s a work from home day, what’s it to you?” he scoffs.
“Nothing,” I shrug. “I just came over to see if you wanted to hang or grab dinner or something. Maybe catch the beginning of March madness?” I ask hopefully.
“Tonight’s not a good night, Kai. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on,” he replies and it’s obvious it’s a blatant lie.
“Okay, what about—"
“I’ll text you when I’m free, okay? Sorry man. Tonight won’t work,” he repeats, closing the door in my face.
What the fuck just happened?
I’m tempted to knock on his door again and force him to tell me what the hell is going on. But the state he’s in doesn’t exactly scream stable. I doubt he’d listen to what I have to say right now anyway. I text Kendall on the way to my car, needing someone else to weigh in on this.
Hey, random question. Have you talked to Aiden recently?
No why?
I was just at his apartment and he was being really fucking weird
Weird how?
Idk he seemed out of it
