Standing there in her chemise and undergarments alone, Ilain should have felt embarrassed in front of him. They’d dressed in front of one another, though with their gazes averted, but there was more vulnerability in this moment than any they’d yet experienced.
Tears stung her eyes again, but Ilain took a deep breath. “I feel shaky,” she admitted.
“Do you need something to eat?” he asked practically.
Realizing she hadn’t eaten in over twenty-four hours, Ilain nodded. “But I need help dressing first.”
Without a word, Ethenn moved for her clothes. Isla had taken their clothes from the day before to launder, so he brought her spare dress, a dark moss-green and brown brocade, along with her clean underclothes. Handing her the frock, he remained at her side, turning his back so she could replace her sweaty chemise with the fresh one and steadying her when needed. Otherwise, he didn’t touch her or speak. It was strangely bolstering and irritating.
Ethenn had redressed the night before but only now tucked his shirt in before grabbing his coat and pulling on his boots. “Do you need anything else?” he asked.
Ilain shook her head. When he turned to go, she caught his hand. His dark eyes met hers, his expression placid.
“Thank you,” she whispered, unable to muster the emotion the words required.
Ethenn gave a single nod, then left the room.
A moment later, Isla entered. “I was told not to leave you alone,” her sister-in-law said kindly. Then she began helping Ilain pack their few things.
“Doesn’t Vayden need you?” Ilain asked with dispassionate politeness.
Isla shook her head. “He has Rafferty to keep him distracted.”
Ilain didn’t feel the smile she forced, focusing on her task. With every movement, her eyes caught on her now-dull rings, and her heart squeezed, reminding her thatshewas Auden’s real killer. She’d let him die.
Too soon, Ilain was packed, and the women left the room.
Emerging from the dark room, with its curtains drawn to cover the solitary window, the rest of the house felt unbearably bright. The troop waited in the parlor for their arrival, ready to continue their journey. Dejected, Vayden sat in the wingback chair, staring aimlessly at nothing while a cup of tea cooled on his lap. On the sofa, Deckard perched beside Thom, who sat with his left leg outstretched. She would need to heal that to speed his recovery. The brothers spoke in hushed tones until Ilain appeared, when everyone went silent.
In the dining room, Evylin ate her breakfast while Rafferty flipped a small dagger from hand to hand absentmindedly. Ethenn appeared from the kitchen, a small bowl in his hand. Spotting her, he stepped immediately to Ilain’s side, and Isla went to Vayden.
Ilain accepted the meager breakfast. She scanned the room once more, noting their missing compatriot. “Where’s Breata?” she asked coldly.
“She went to the stable to prepare,” Vayden said.
More likely, it was to avoid Ilain.
Deckard stood, drawing everyone’s attention as he cleared his throat. “We are running short on time,” he said, “but before we go, I’d like to say something.”
Ilain leaned against the stair rail, eating the porridge and nettleberries Ethenn had prepared for her to soothe her trembling limbs and queasy stomach.
Meeting first Vayden, then Ilain’s gaze, Deckard said, “I’d like to offer my sincerest apology. What happened yesterday was dueto my failure to control my magic. Should I have been stronger—”
“Auden still would have died,” Ilain interrupted.
They all turned to her with visible shock.
Ilain scraped together another spoonful of the creamy oats. “The blame doesn’t lie with you any more than it does me,” she finally said, then met Deckard’s gaze. “I’m the most powerful Mage in two centuries, remember? Should I have chosen to, I might have taken all three Relics and destroyed every last Shade that came across our path. So why didn’t I, Jonn?”
He stared back at her, speechless as she shoved the bite of porridge into her mouth.
She could see in his haunted gaze and haggard features that, already, he carried this weight too heavily. He genuinely believed that he was to blame for the tragedy. And Ilain wouldn’t have that.
“Because we were too far away,” Ethenn answered for her.
Though he was wrong, Ilain nodded and turned back to her breakfast. “Exactly,” she said. “Should I have used my magic too soon, I would have burned out. We weren’t close enough to the exit. I had the means to save my brother’s life, but I feared exhausting myself...until it was too late.”
The room was silent while each person present took in the truth. Ilain could have saved Auden herself. Despite Brea’s abandonment, Ilain had the power. She’d simply been too late to use it.
