However, that didn’t absolve Brea’s guilt in her mind. The Warrior still made her choice: Thom over Auden. And Ilain could never forget that.
“I still put us in additional danger,” Deckard said, then looked at each person in the room. “And I’m severely sorry for that.” He faced Ilain, meeting her gaze with submission. “I’d ask that you help me never to make that mistake again.”
Even in the light of morning, a bone-deep numbness swirled through Ilain’s body, and she welcomed it. Her emotions were fighting to return—anger, bitterness, hurt, and sorrow. She smothered them, giving Deckard a final nod and refusing to look toward the rest of the room. She couldn’t bear to see them gathered without Auden.
Her heart squeezed all the tighter at the thought. It was impossible. It was wrong. Her brother had always been there, his quiet presence constant and loyal, good and loving. Now, he was forever gone.
Ilain forced the rest of her meal down, the nettleberries’ sweetness adding an unwelcome flavorous quality to the porridge. She didn’t bother listening as the others made their final plans. They were leaving Loclight for Estshire, two days behind schedule. Departing immediately was essential. If they didn’t leave today, they’d arrive after Blount, and everything they’d gone through would be for nothing.
When their travel plans were complete, Vayden came to Ilain’s side, and Ethenn took her empty bowl to the kitchen, leaving the siblings alone.
Her brother’s sharp blue eyes stared down at her, the barely restrained tears within them saying more than words ever could. He cupped her cheek, and his palm was cold against her clammy skin. “Lainy...” he whispered, but nothing else came out.
Ilain gripped his wrist, suddenly feeling like a little girl once again. She clenched her jaw, fighting off the tremor of emotion within. “We’ll be fine,” she said flatly. “We just have to keep going.”
Vayden’s brow furrowed sorrowfully, but Ilain impressed her will upon him with her glare. “Vayden, we must all make sacrifices,” she reminded him, “for the sake of a better future. This was Auden’s.”
“He was our brother.”
The words were gentle, yet they hit Ilain with more force than she thought possible.
Their brother.
Auden.
Ilain closed her eyes against the sudden swell of tears. One slipped past her closed lids, nonetheless, dripping onto her cheek.
Auden was gone. Her confidant, her most trusted companion. The other half of her heart.
Her knees threatening to buckle, Ilain leaned into Vayden and let him embrace her. She knew the others were still present, but she also knew they wouldn’t watch. Even Rafferty would turn away to honor the siblings’ grief. They’d lost too much.
Resting her face on her only remaining brother’s shoulder, Ilain hardened her jaw. Despite her words, this was no sacrifice. Auden hadn’t given his life in the Space Keep. It had been taken from him, all because of one woman’s selfish choice.
No matter what Brea wanted to claim, the Warrior had betrayed Auden. She’d chosen Thom on a whim of fancy. The soldier had been dead in point of fact if not reality, his wounds beyond recovery. Had Ilain not been magnanimous enough to care, he would have bled out in the antechamber. As it was, Ilain’s strength had almost failed her, even then. If Evylin hadn’t offered her own energy during the healing, Ilain would have passed out, and Thom would have breathed his last.
Brea’s decision came from infatuation rather than logic. It was between Thom’s life and Auden’s. And she’d chosen Thom.
Ilain should have let him die. Then the woman might have seen her error.
But the bitter thought pricked Ilain’s heart, starting a burn of guilt searing through her veins. Thom was her friend, albeit a miserable excuse for one at times. Yet, they’d genuinely come tocare for one another. Had the choice been hers, she might have fought to save Thom too.
No.Ilain pulled away from Vayden. She wiped her wet cheeks dry and straightened her back. She never would have chosen anyone over Auden.
But Brea wasn’t the only one to blame for his death....
Finally, readied for travel, the troop left the Deckards’ home. They took back streets in case anyone saw their late departure and alerted the king. Carlile had assured them he’d cover for their delay, but they did their best not to make extra work for the man.
Vayden and Isla broke off to meet Brea at the stable while the rest continued to the barracks. Deckard and Thom went in alone to recover their horses. They mounted up and headed for the main gate.
And Ilain’s heart left a trail of blood through the streets of Loclight as she rode away from the sight of her brother’s demise.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
Once they made it beyond the walls of the capital, they rode hard for the first several hours, hoping to make up time. Thom’s wounds ached, his leg stretching uncomfortably over the saddle as every hoofbeat sent a jolt through his scarred stomach. However, with their late start, it would be a struggle to reach the nearest village before sunset. So despite his injuries and their collective sorrow, they galloped away from the city before slowing to a fast canter when the horses tired.
Tension filled the air even as they rode. Brea isolated herself, bringing up the rear of the group. Though Evylin and Isla each attempted to join her at separate times, she’d sent them away. At one point, Thom began to drop back, but the cutting glare the Warrior gave him was enough to return him to his place in line.
“Not sure why she’s so pissed at you,” Rafferty commented in a bemused manner once he was at his side again. “It’s she who wanted in your trousers, not the other way around, eh?”
