“I know.”
“It’s...it’s not easy, you know,” he whispered. “Wanting to be like that.”
“Like Euon Sergus?”
He hesitated, then nodded.
“Like a legend?”
He winced. “That makes me sound like an egotistical maniac.”
Evylin brushed a hand over his cheek. “No,” she said, holding his gaze lovingly. “It makes you sound like Ryen and me.”
A small, embarrassed smile appeared on his lips. “You understand, don’t you, that everything you just shared, I feel the same way about you? I would gladly give up everything I am to make your life what you desire. I would leave everything behind for you.”
“Yes, I understand,” she said. “But do you realize I’m giving you a chance to do just that? To choose between becoming the legend you’ve always dreamed of being or becoming the man you believe youcanbe.”
Deckard’s entire body froze. Even his breathing stopped as fear seeped from him into her hands. “I don’t want it, Evie.”
She softened her expression, understanding he needed reassurance in this decision. “Is it that you don’t want it, or that you doubt you can achieve it?”
“I don’t want it.”
“Why not?” she pressed. “After all this time—after thirty-three years of life—when it’s finally in front of you, why don’t you want it anymore?”
Deckard frowned. “Because it’s too difficult, Evylin. Being that man, being that perfect, is too difficult. Throughout my entire life, I have repeatedly denied myself because I believed there was a greater standard to meet.” He shook his head, struggling to articulate his feelings. “I have put in immense effort to be selfless, honorable, and decent for those around me. I have done everything possible to mirror Sergus, yet I have failed time and again. I failed my brother. I failed Hewitt and Auden. I’ve failed you more times than I’d like to count. How could I possibly think I could assist my country in this way? I do not consider myself the right man for this responsibility. I am not Sergus, and I never will be.”
Evylin knelt before Deckard on the soft bed, cupping his face in her hands. “Who do you want to be?” she asked. “If you can’t be him, then who will you become? A farmer? A soldier? A mercenary?”
“I want to go home,” he murmured, embracing her tightly. “I want to take you back to Loclight and stay there forever.”
Evylin bit her bottom lip to suppress a smile at the sweet sentiment. “And what happens when you get bored?”
“I’d never get bored. I’d have you.”
“After just one week, I’d drive you insane.” She shook her head. “That’s not you, Jonn.”
“Who am I, then?” Deckard pleaded, sincerity and hope evident in his voice, emotions she hadn’t anticipated.
Evylin smiled, gently brushing her fingertips through the waves of his hair. “You are a servant, a leader, a Mage, and my husband.” She pressed a firm, reassuring kiss to his lips. “And I won’t allow you to be anything less than that.”
Deckard lowered his eyes and turned his head away. A hush fell over them as a whirlwind of emotions swirled around him—conflict, confusion, anxiety, and a glimmer of hope. In that brief moment, it was clear he was wrestling with worries that were far too complex for an instant reply.
As she observed him grappling with his inner struggles, Evylin moved closer. Leaning in, she whispered softly into his ear, “I don’t want you to be Sergus.” She kept her voice warm and reassuring, and she felt his grip tighten around her as she continued, “I want you to be you.”
Deckard buried his head in her neck, remaining silent.
“You’re far better than Sergus anyway.”
Evylin tenderly rubbed her hand over Deckard’s back, letting him battle the storm of emotions within him. Minutes passed by like whispers. Time seemed to stand still as he navigated his internal conflict. But Evylin didn’t mind; she found joy inholding him close, savoring the moment as he moved toward the same feeling of freedom that she now cherished.
At first, the thought of self-sacrifice was quite daunting for her. The idea of possibly giving up everything made her question whether she was truly making the right choice. However, Evylin remembered that Deckard had faced the same dilemma for her. He was ready to make such a brave sacrifice, fully aware that she would never settle for a quiet life as a housewife, tending to the home as she waited for his return. That just wasn’t who she was. He had given her the freedom to decide, knowing full well that her heart was set on a life of adventure.
Evylin was determined to show Deckard the same understanding and support.
All those months ago in Whickam Village, Hewitt saw that Deckard was Evylin’s perfect match.“If you sacrifice the man you truly desire to become, you can’t be the man she needs.”
A man who would never settle for the mundane or the simple. A man who would opt for the difficult path because it was the right one. A man who would confront his fears of failure to serve his ruler and countrymen.
