‘So, Miguel…’ I say. He looks from side-to-side, apparently surprised that his name has come up. ‘I want to be respectful. I like him.’
‘You have a crush on Miguel?’ he asks me.
‘No. But you…and him.’ I take a deep breath and decide to be brave. ‘Look, I don’t know what this is between us, but I don’t know where I’d figure in that arrangement.’
Ben flinches his head in a couple of different positions, seemingly trying to figure out what I’m saying.
‘Because I get it,’ I continue. ‘We’re in Ibiza, it’s a loved-up island with a big party culture. You obviously have an open sexuality. I can’t fit into that. I’ve only just remembered how to mas…’ I ramble, tripping on my words. ‘Master being in charge of my life again.’
‘Hold up, you think that I’m gay?’ Ben says, his face blank with confusion.
‘Or bi,’ I say, trying to be earnest and respectful.
A large smile creeps onto his face. ‘No,’ he says, starting to laugh but frowning at the same time. ‘Miguel is really old. Like I think he’s older than my dad.’
‘And there’s nothing wrong with that,’ I say, putting a hand to his forearm.
‘I’m not gay. I’m not with Miguel. He’s been with a German man called Marcus for nearly twenty years,’ he says, now standing right in front of me.
I try to process this. ‘But…he’s always hugging you, he slaps your bum, Jess said she heard you say you love penis.’
Ben widens his eyes, completely bemused by the confusion. ‘I lovepiñas! That means pineapple. Miguel is like an uncle to me, a flirty inappropriate uncle. No more…’
‘So you’re straight?’ I ask out loud.
‘Yeah. You? Just checking.’
‘I am,’ I whisper. ‘So I’m not imagining this.’
He shakes his head.
Oh.
And he comes over to grab me in an embrace, urgently leaning in to kiss me, his hands cupping my face. His lips and thewarmth of his breath send a shiver down my spine. His hands move down to my lower back and I push my body against him to feel him harden under me.Here. I want you here.I take his hand and guide it down the waistband of my shorts, into my knickers, trembling as he touches me.
‘There?’ he whispers.
‘Yes,’ I moan as I part my legs.
He pushes me against a wall in that hut, rays of light illuminate his face. His eyes don’t move from mine, he smiles to see the effect as he rubs my clit lightly in small circles, occasionally sliding his fingers into me. He lifts me so my toes graze the ground and takes one of my nipples in his teeth, kissing the underside of my neck. I grab at his hair and then look him straight in the eye, lost for words, breath.
‘Please. I don’t know how to say this…I want…Could you…I want you to?—’
‘Just tell me what you want,’ he whispers. He pulls his shorts down, hooking an arm under one of my knees. I nod. This. I want this. He reaches down to slide his cock inside me, slowly.
The sensation makes me lose time, control, sanity. The way it fits, the movement makes me moan loudly.I want you to make me come, to fuck me, to give me everything I’ve denied myself for months.
‘I want…’
‘Tell me…Tell me how you want me to fuck you.’
‘I want… you.’
20
ZARA
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