“I’ll be right out here, then we’ll head to a room.” She steps aside for me to head to the bathroom. “I’m Rosa, by the way.”
“Mia…but you knew that.”
“You’re good, I’ll be right back.”
I can’t exactly explain what it is about peeing in a cup that’s so humbling. As a woman, I’ve done it hundreds of times. On one hand it’s a bit like second nature, but also very awkward.
After placing the cup in the cabinet and washing my hands, I meet Rosa in the hallway and she leads me to an ultrasound room.
“Alright, Mia, I’ve got you a gown right here. So, we’re thinking we’re roughly seven weeks?”
“Yes.” I’m fairly confident in that timeline considering it’s obvious when conception happened, but I’m sure Rosa doesn’t need that story.
“Okay, we’ll start with a stomach ultrasound and hopefully we can see the baby. Sometimes we can at this stage, but I’d recommend getting completely undressed and into the gown in case we have to switch to a vaginal ultrasound.”
“Great, okay.” I run my hands over my jeans. I need to take my clothes off. I’m sweating.
“And do you feel safe and comfortable having your partner back here?”
“Yes, absolutely.” A.k.a. please bring him back here before I have a panic attack. I refuse to turn co-dependent, but Adam’s starting to feel like a security blanket.
“Okay, perfect, I’ll give you a minute to change and I’ll bring him back with me.”
I take a breath as she leaves and run my hands over my jeans again.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” I whisper out loud to myself. I fold up my panties in my jeans because for some reason it just feels weird to have them out in the open, despite knowing that everyone who’s going to be in this room has seen or will see my vagina.
By the time I’m pulling my gown on, I’m still talking to myself. “Your baby is great. This is all okay.”
A knock comes to the door the moment I sit in the oversized chair. “I’m good.”Ish…mostly freaking out on the inside.
Adam comes in first. His presence alone helps, but when he takes my hand, I can tell how sweaty his palms are too, and I finally get a decent deep breath in.
“Nervous?”
He tilts his head with a small nod. “And excited.”
Warmth fills my chest and my hand squeezes his. “Me too.”
Rosa walks around to the machine next to me. “So, how are you feeling, Mom?”
Her use of the word throws me off for a second.Right… Mom. That’s me now.
“Um, I’m good. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Honestly, I sometimes forget I am pregnant.”
She laughs. “Yeah, when you’re not having the big symptoms like morning sickness, it can feel that way in the beginning.” She unfolds the paper blanket and lays it over my lap before leaning my chair back. “Okay, let’s see if we can see this baby.”
I squeeze Adam’s hand tight.
“Ow,” he whispers.
I roll my lips to stop the comment. There’s no way I could hurt him, but the distraction it gave me helped a little.
I roll up my gown to my belly button and adjust the blanket to cover my bottom half.
Rosa rolls in her chair. “Okay, here comes the gel.”
I hear the warning, and I watch as she’s about to squeeze the bottle, and somehow I still flinch. When she brings out the little ultrasound sensor, whatever the medical term for that is, I hold my breath, and I don’t think I’ll be able to let it go until she tells me she sees something.
