“It’s okay, baby. It’s going to be okay.”
“No, it’s not,” she cries. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. I had a plan and—and th-this…”
Her tears are falling in full force now. “I know, Mia. I’m so sorry.”
Mia pulls back, wiping her cheeks. “I don’t get how this happened. We used protection.”
Letting out a sigh, I’m honestly not sure how it happened either. It doesn’t matter too much now, but I understandwanting to know. “There was probably a hole we didn’t see. The likelihood is really low, but they aren’t a hundred percent foolproof. There could have been a number of reasons—defective make, expiration we didn’t pay attention to.”
More tears fall from Mia’s bright blue eyes, and she tosses her hands up. “Dammit, I can’t stop them now. Shit, is this hormones? Adam, this wasn’t a part of the plan!”
I know it’s neither of our faults, but damn if I wish I could make this better. Reaching for her again, I tug her back in by her hips, then move my hands to her face to wipe her cheeks. “It wasn’t. I don’t know what to say. I wish I had something to make you feel better, but I’m at a loss on this one.”
Mia’s eyes fall shut and two more tears slide down her face.
“I really want to be with you, Mia. I don’t know how we’re supposed to do this, but I have to put that out there. Whatever you decide to do for yourself…nothing will change that.”
Mia nods but doesn’t open her eyes. “I can’t think about that yet.”
“It’s okay. I promise, you’re okay.” I say it because it’s the only thing I feel like I can really give her right now. I don’t know what to do. Everything that runs through my mind feels like the wrong thing to say or unnecessary pressure while she’s clearly upset.
I hate that we’re having to figure this out and so much of it is put on her. I hate that it feels like I’ve already set this kid up for failure. I may not be the piece of trash my father was, but I sure as shit feel like an asshole right now.
What do I fucking do here? How do I fix this?
Mia pulls back from me again. “It would be really great if I could stop crying, but something tells me that’s not happening tonight.”
“You can cry all you want.” I wipe softly at her cheeks, then a whole new concern runs through my head. Am I making heruncomfortable? Is me being here making it worse? “Do you want some space for the night?”
Fuck, does that sound like I’m bailing already? I want her no matter what. She has to know that. I need her to know that.
Mia swallows hard, her eyes finally meeting mine. “Um, I don’t…know…maybe. Uh, I feel like for the first time ever, I really don’t have an answer.”
Me fucking either. I can’t say I fully know what I want out of this situation yet. I love the idea of having Mia in my life forever. She’d be the most amazing mother, and all of that has me hoping that she wants to keep this baby…
But for the first time in what feels like forever, my father’s face comes to the very front of my brain. All the pain, the manipulation, and fear I felt as a kid completely consume me to a point that I actually feel light-headed.
Shit, this is not what Mia needs from me right now.
I hate the idea of leaving, but me hovering over her probably isn’t helping, and I don’t want my presence to feel like pressure to talk or make a plan this very second.
I can’t and won’t make the decision, but I’d do anything for her. If space would make her feel better, then I’d endure it. No matter how much I’m going to hate walking out the door.
“Why don’t I come back in the morning?” I offer, partially hoping she’ll ask me to stay.
She wipes at her cheeks again. She doesn’t say anything for a moment, but then she crosses her arms. “Okay.”
Fuck, this need to fix everything is gnawing at me. I want to take back what control we’ve lost and make it all better, but I can’t do that. Not this time.
Wrapping her up in my arms one more time, she doesn’t hug me back, but I’m not about to read too deep into that. I don’t want to lose her.
Kissing the top of her head, I pitch my voice low with one last attempt to comfort her. “I’m sorry this is happening, Mia.”
She sniffles. “Yeah, me too.”
She doesn’t move when I walk to the door, and not another word is said. I feel like the world’s biggest asshole the whole elevator ride down, and when I get to the lobby I can’t bring myself to walk out the door.
Would security kick me out if I just stayed here all night? I can give her space, but I think this distance might be my limit.
