“Love you, too, babe. Now, after we grab lunch, I need to get some sleep. That plane ride wasn’t good on these old bones.”
“Whatever you want.”
six
BOYS TO MEN
ASA
Yesterday was rough, but seeing my brothers gave me perspective. They stayed with me for the entire day. We playedMadden, drank a fifth of tequila, ate good food . . . It was everything I needed.
This morning, my parents arrived. My mother hugged me so tight I thought I couldn’t breathe. Dad had to pry her away from me. Then, he clasped my shoulder and told me he loved me.
More people showed up this afternoon. I had more than enough food, but people brought fried chicken, Chinese food, pasta from Olive Garden, and all kinds of salads. Which Duke promptly threw out.
The soft ocean breeze through the window carried the light scent of salt water mixed with apple-wood smoke, spices, grilled meat, and mint. My brother had been on the grill for hours, slow-cooking spareribs, burgers, hot dogs, and other barbecue dishes. Duke was a celebrity chef. He’d won contests, opened restaurants, catered events, and reluctantly, became a social media influencer. When he was around, we ate good.
I wasn’t hungry, though. My mind wouldn’t cooperate with my stomach. And because my mother wasn’t one to take no for an answer, she’d practically shoved a dry-ass piece of peanut butter toast in my mouth for breakfast. When she wasn’t looking, I spit it out.
On any other day, I would’ve eaten two full meals by now—high protein, whole foods, moderate carbs, and healthy fats. Instead of my morning run, I’d watched a stupid reality show. Today was leg day, but I hadn’t done squats, lunges, leg curls, or any of the exercises I would typically do. No sets, no reps. Just the bed, my TV, and my thoughts.
Rissa hadn’t called or stopped by since Karma dropped Ezra off. But she’d texted me earlier.
Rissa
Checking in. Do you need anything?
I didn’t know what to say, so I didn’t respond.
It was probably for the best. My life was about to change drastically. When we started this thing, I was single. No kids, free time. Freedom. I wouldn’t blame her if she’d decided she couldn’t hang.
“What made you say yes?”
I glanced at the door, where Dallas stood, arms folded over her chest.
She’d flown in with Demi, drove to the house, gave me a tight hug, then promptly started telling people what to do while Demi made several calls to her contacts at the courthouse.
Since I didn’t want to be bothered, I’d closed myself off in the bedroom.
Ezra was out there with the rest of the family being spoiled by Bliss and my mother. Everyone, except Blake who’d stayed back with her toddler battling an ear infection, was here.
Dallas approached the bed and sat on a chair near the window. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to badger you like a witness on the stand. I won’t lecture you and I’m sorry about the group chat. But Iamcurious.”
I asked myself that question every day for months, before we went to the fertility center, throughout Gemma’s pregnancy, and after she had the baby. I told myself the same things I’d told myself when I donated the first time. And every time after that. That her baby would be mine biologically, but it wouldn’t be my child. That he would be my blood, but I wouldn’t be his father. That I was doing something good for someone else. This time, for someone I loved.
In reality, my reason was simple. So simple that I didn’t realize it until Gemma died. “Because she asked,” I admitted. “She trusted me, and I trusted her. I knew she would keep it a secret. We always kept each other’s secrets.”
She flashed a sad smile. “I know. Asa, I’m sorry about Gemma.”
“You already told me that.”
“Yeah, but . . . I’m here. Not in a text, not on the phone. I want you to know I’m so proud of you. You get on my nerves, though. Especially when you play around about Secret Santa, but you know I love you.”
“Love you, too.” I chuckled. “But you know I can’t stand that Secret Santa shit.”
“Well, there are eight of us. And most of us have partners and kids . . . Shit, I would be buying gifts the whole year if we didn’t do this. It’s not hard to pull one and stick to a budget.”
“True.”
