For a fleeting second, my mind jumps into the future, and I wonder if I should be looking for a place this year. I’m kind of over dorm life, and it’d be nice to invite Mandy around on the weekends. We could hole up in my room and make love all night.
That sounds like paradise to me.
I smile when she turns to spot me watching her.
“Hey.” I grin.
She swallows, her smile kind of forced as she stands up and smooths her hands down her shorts.
Whyisshe dressed already?
I pat the bed, silently coaxing her to lie down beside me. I can take those shorts off again, no problem. It would have been waysexier to find her in nothing but one of my shirts, but that’s okay. Undressing her is part of the fun.
“I’m, uh…” She shakes her head, rejecting my invitation and crossing her arms instead.
My eyebrows wrinkle, this weird sensation pulling at my gut. She looks nervous for some reason.
“Baby, are you okay?” I keep my voice soft and gentle, worry for her coursing through me. What happened while I was sleeping?
“I’m not your baby,” she whispers, dipping her head.
She says it so softly, I’m not sure I heard her correctly. The sheet rustles as I pull my knees up, resting my forearms on them and trying to remain cool and calm. Trying to ignore the pull on my gut. The pull that’s becoming a hard, painful yank.
I must have misheard her, so I shake my head and clarify, “Sorry, what was that?”
She clears her throat, her voice coming out crystal clear. “I’m not your baby. I’m not your love. I’m just…” She flicks her arms wide, looking at me with a desperation that makes my insides convulse. “I’m your summer fling, Ben. That’s it.”
What?
The word is a shocked whisper in my brain, followed by this keening internal wail that escalates into the realization of what is happening right now.
Oh shit.
My body goes cold for a second, this horrible, ugly sensation dawning like a scorching red sunrise that you’re not interested in. The words filter into my brain in tiny pieces that come together, forming a coherent thought that squishes my heart to a pulp.
Fuck.
That’s…
Fuck! Why is she saying this?
“You weren’t supposed to fall in love with me.” Her eyebrows crinkle, like she knows this is hurting me but she’s not sure what else to do. “I wasn’t expecting you to say that. I didn’t realize the feelings you had for me were so deep, and I just… it wouldn’t be fair of me to string you along.”
She doesn’t want me. Just like Caroline didn’t want me.
Closing my eyes, I feel a sick nausea brewing and run a hand through my hair, clenching my jaw. I suddenly wish I wasn’t naked under this sheet, because I want to fling it off my body and jump out of bed to wrap her in my arms and beg her not to say this shit to me.
I told her I loved her, and she lay in bed all night, no doubt rehearsing breakup speeches.
Dammit. I wish she had just snuck out and left. Would that be less painful than having to hear this shit?
“I thought we were just having a little fun.” Her voice breaks. “I thought we set this up to be a summer romance, just a simple sex-fest. It made sense, you know? Our families live near each other, and I…” She huffs. “I was never going to keep dating you when school went back.”
My eyes open in time to see her wince. She feels bad but looks resolved. I put her in this awkward position by declaring my love.
But that’s how I felt.
How Ifeel!
