She’s breaking my heart right now, and all I can do is sit on this bed looking at her with a no-doubt crushed expression.
Her smile is sad as she picks up her bag and lifts it onto her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Ben. You’re a really sweet guy, but…”
Not the one you end up with.
Fuck!
Why does this keep happening to me?
I’m nice.
I treat women well.
I spoil them. I buy them flowers and pay for their meals. I open doors for them and make sure they’ve got everything they want and need.
I pursue them. I never make them feel like they’re not special.
But they keep pushing me back.
Do girls not want nice guys? Is that it?
Do I have to be some kind of asshole like Mac or Casey Pierce to get a woman to fall in love with me? Do I have to not genuinely care about the people I’m sleeping with? Like Sawyer, who never wants to be anything but a bachelor. He’s always got girls flirting with him. Is that who I have to become?
That doesn’t make sense in my brain, but as Mandy grabs her keys and clutches them in her hand, whispering one more sorrowful apology to me, I have to wonder if I’ve had this wrong the whole time.
“Goodbye, Ben. Thanks for…” Her voice trails off, and she gives me another hopeless wince. “I had fun.” Her smile is apologetic as she slips out the door.
I want to tell her that if I’m so fun, why the fuck is she leaving me? I want to shout after her that the summer’s not over yet!
But… fuck that.
Clamping my mouth shut, I manage to swallow down those desperate words. Like I’m going to keep dating her just so she can dump me all over again. I still have some dignity, right?
But only just.
Shit! I’m pathetic!
What the hell is wrong with me?
Why don’t these girls want me?
The questions sink into my bones until I can practically feel them embedding in my marrow.
I don’t have the answers.
All I can do is sit on this bed, like I’m in catatonic shock or something.
I gave her my heart. I fucking handed it to her on a platter, and she chopped it into tiny pieces.
A summer fling.
That’s all I was.
“Dammit,” I mutter, scraping a hand through my hair and flopping back onto my pillow.
Staring up at the ceiling, my eyes burn as I resist the urge to yell and start punching her pillow.
Fuck!
