He shook his head and smiled. “I was just thinking. My mom’s really light-skinned, and in many ways she could pass. But her name is Dinorah Santiago and she didn’t speak a word of English when she came here. So there was always a line there for her. Even for me. I was born here, but I’m brown and it puts me in the ‘other’ category.”
He paused then and his eyes were trained on something in the distance, like he was making sure he got whatever he was going to say right. That was something I was beginning to learn about Camilo, he didn’t shy away from talking about the uncomfortable things, but he was careful with his words. Itwasn’t oversharing or flippant prying. Camilo asked about the hard stuff because he wasn’t afraid to grapple with the answers.
When he was ready to say more, he turned those gray eyes back on me. “It must be challenging to have what gives you an advantage also erase you. That the Tom people see doesn’t fit with who you actually are.”
I dipped my head in agreement. Camilo saw too much.
“It’s something I think about all the time. I always wonder, would I have been able to have the success I had with my business if I would’ve looked more like my mom or if my name was Juan Perez? I wonder if I would’ve been able to get into the rooms I did. Or if I did, would I have been taken seriously?”
After a moment, I spoke again. Wanting to share with Camilo these things I rarely ever spoke about out loud. “When we started our company, Henock and Sanjay asked that I be the face of the business during our initial talks with investors.” I fiddled with a little branch on the tree in front on us, recalling the discomfort of that conversation. “They thought it would give us a better chance of securing the funds we needed for the startup. It hurt so much to hear it, and I debated with the decision of going along with it. Not just because I knew they were right and it made the world so fucked up, but by how matter-of-fact they’d been about it.” I shook my head remembering how awful I felt for them, for us.
“They weren’t wrong,” Camilo acquiesced with a grimace.
“I try not to take things for granted, but I forget sometimes.” I sighed feeling like I’d said too much. “I overshared.”
He was looking at me with such kindness, like he really was trying to understand.
“Don’t apologize. Thank you for telling me a bit more about your story and being so honest. Sounds like youdon’ttake any of this lightly.” The smile he gave me was the one I got whensomething I said had caught him off guard. “You keep surprising me, Tom.”
I turned so that I could look at him when I spoke, “Is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
He lifted his eyes to the ceiling as if he was searching for an answer.
“I’m not sure yet.” His eyes looked unsure when he focused them back on me. “But the more I know about you, the harder it is to remember it’s not a good idea to get involved with you.” After that, he walked off too fast for me to respond. As I went after him, I realized I probably wasn’t supposed to. But I hadn’t made it as far as I had in business by missing opportunities, and this was one opening I was not going to miss.
chapter ten
tom
“I can’t go to the movies with you guys tonight. I’m meeting someone. This is my night to myself and I made plans.” I could hear my ex sigh over the phone. We usually did well with the shared custody, but every once in a while Maxwell would get on a kick of doing something as “co-parents.” I was usually all for it, but not with eight hours’ notice.
“You’re usually free on Wednesdays.” His tone was casual, but I knew he was fishing. “What are you doing?”
This was not a conversation I was having with Maxwell.
“I’m sorry, but I have to go. I’m about to start a meeting. I’ll see you on Friday when I drop off Libe. Have fun at the movies tonight.” I ended the call and turned around to find Henock and Sanjay staring at me.
“How’s Maxwell doing?” Sanjay asked with a hint of amusement. He knew how annoyed I got when Maxwell got pushy like this.
“He’s just great.”
“Sounded like he was trying to guilt you into one of those co-dads outings.” I didn’t even answer, because what was the point? But it seemed Sanjay wasn’t done. “Have you told Henock about that thing you’re doing Tom?” The amusement was clear on his face.
“You’re just getting away with this because Priya isn’t here. I’ll tell her you were shaming me as soon as she gets back from the hospital.” Sanjay just laughed me off, but Heni was already on it.
“What thing? Did I miss something?”
He was still getting stuff sorted out in the kitchen, so I just ignored them both. Sanjay, Heni, and I were having a business brunch to discuss a new business investment at Heni’s place. He’d been home in Ethiopia for a few weeks and had missed the news about Camilo. Today would be the fourth time Camilo and I met to discuss the project, and things were going slow but well.
Our little weekly ritual had become one of the things I looked forward to the most, and if I was being honest with myself, I was dying to touch him. The desire to kiss him during those meetings was so strong at times I had to remind myself to breathe. I couldn’t keep this going forever, pretty soon I’d have to come clean and ask Camilo if he would have dinner with me.
I just hoped we were on the same page. Today we’d see each other at Red Rooster again only a little later than usual because he was doing something with clients first.
The eagerness for five to arrive so I could see him was intense and new for me. I craved Camilo’s company and couldn’t get enough of his energy when I was with him. There was nothing filtered or curated about him. He was who he was, and he thought what he thought, andhe said it. If you didn’t like it, that was your problem to figure out.
“Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that expression on his face.” I straightened up on Heni’s couch and looked over at him and Sanjay standing by the dining table.
“What?” I glanced up to find matching bemused expressions trained in my direction. I knew they were about to get on my case for daydreaming while we were supposed to be discussing business, so I stayed silent.
