My pulse pounds in my neck now, my skin prickling everywhere.Isthiswhat I’ve been missing?I think. Because if this is what it’s like, just casually touching without worrying about jumping away at the slightest noise--
I look at him again. Really look, this time.
“You’re frowning,” Lanz says. “What’s wrong?”
“I should be asking you that,” I say.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I've been worried about you.” I can’t keep eye contact when I say it, didn't even realize I wasgoingto say it until the words come out of me. “You look…” I can’t even find the right adjective. “…exhausted,” I finish.
But really, it’s worse than that.
He looks sick.
“Gee, thanks.” Lanz presses his lips together and stares into the fire. The orange-gold light warms up the gray in his skin.
“It’s just been a lot,” he says at last.
“I know,” I say. “It’s been a lot for everyone.”
And yet you look the worst,I want to say. But don’t.
What’swrong,Lanz? Tell me.
Lanz breaks his gaze from the fire and looks back at me.
“I missed you.”
He edges across the couch, closer to me.
“I’ve been right here,” I say.
“You know what I mean.” He’s at my side now, our hips almost touching.
I nod. Because I do.
Slowly, carefully, I take his face in my hand—my right, the rings on my thumb and forefinger brushing against his skin. He’s warm—flushed—and my hands are cold. His bright eyes flutter shut.
“That feels good,” he murmurs.
Good.Do I say it, or just think it? I don’t even know. I lean my forehead against his.
“I missed you too,” I mumble into the inches of space between us. “I missed you my whole life.”
I don’t know why I say that. I don’t even know what that means. It doesn’t make sense.
Or maybe it does. Because Lanz tips his face up to mine and kisses me.
Damn, I think. My hand finds his jaw, pulls him closer, and his lips part so easily, like always.Damn, I missed you, damn, I want you, damn, I--
“Guys?" A voice rings in the foyer. "Is anyone--"
We break apart. It’s Gwenna.
“Oop,” she finishes. Hand to her mouth, skidding to a stop. "Sorry, I--"
“No, no,” Lanz croaks. “I mean, um, yes. Hi. Anyone...is. We're here."
