I fold in on myself, clutching my stomach, still holding my face, my fingers like a cage for my sobs. The cold stone seeps through my clothes. The stillness is unbearable in the wake of Jura shattering like glass under the pressure of power she wasn’t made for. I don’t even know if Gregor made it out alive and I cry even harder.
This wasn’t supposed to happen. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. We’d done so many jobs. Made it out of so many tough spots with our skins intact. Jura was strong and capable, and I swore that I’d keep her safe—that I’d keep them all safe.
The one time it truly mattered, I failed them. I abandoned her and Gregor. I sob harder, pressing my forehead into the stone beneath me.
Go, Clara!
Even as guilt crushes me, I find the will to stand. Even as my mind replays her screams, her skin beginning to vein and fracture with untamed power, I start to move. I drag my feet as fast as I can, beginning my search for Gregor.
Then I’m grabbed.
I scream and twist and thrash, my body reacting on instinct. Panic has a card rising from my deck as my elbow slams into a gut. The man lets out a wheeze, but his arms only wrap tighter around me.
“Clara!” Kaelis’s voice cuts through my hysterics. It pulls me back from the edge of madness.
My body goes slack as I turn to face him. A small lantern casts his face in golden light. It lends him a surprisingly gentle visage. He’s the last person I expected to see, yet somehow exactly who I needed most.
“How are you here?” My voice is raw from crying.
“You needed me,” he says, as though that alone is explanation enough. As if it makes any kind of sense.
But he’s right. I did. So I don’t ask questions when the answers don’t matter.
I collapse into him. There was a time when I would never have letKaelis see even a shred of weakness on me. Now he’s the only reason I’m still on my feet at all. Now I let myself completely and utterly break, trusting his arms to catch me.
And they do. Without hesitation. He crushes me against his chest as if he knows that any slack in his embrace would result in me shattering beyond repair. His arms form a shelter—a fortress against the world that tries relentlessly to break me.
His steady heartbeat is the only thing that feels real. One hand cradles the back of my head, fingers threading through my matted hair with a gentleness that streaks guilt through me. Why should I be comforted when Jura suffered so horribly? When Gregor could be dead, too?
I fist the fabric of his coat and clutch him. The scent of him fills my senses. The scent of his room, that familiar place with that fluffy little cat and the settee I could spend hours on. Somewhere everything seemed…all right. And somewhere far, far away from the broken world I now stand in.
“Jura…Jura’s dead,” I finally manage, the words muffled against his chest.
“I know. I was close enough to hear her screams.” He holds the back of my head as delicately as he forms his words. His lips press into my forehead near my temple, lingering. “I’m sorry, Clara. I truly am.”
I hardly recognize the man. There’s none of his usual arrogance. None of his sharp-edged wit or biting remarks. He has lowered his guard for me alone.
I’m not sure how much time passes. Minutes. Hours. Time itself is suspended in this pocket of safety he’s created for me. I trust him to watch my back as I let down my guard and mourn.
Eventually, the tears stop falling and my breaths stop heaving. As I straighten away from him, every muscle in my body throbs with exhaustion. I’ve been hollowed out from the inside. I’ve not wept like that since I thought Arina was dead.
Kaelis keeps his hands on me, steadying. His grip loosens, but they hover by my arms, ready to catch me at any second should I collapse again.
“It’s my fault.” My voice quivers, barely above a whisper.
His hands slide up to cup my face, forcing me to meet his gaze as he brushes the remnants of tears from my cheeks. “You know it’s not.”
All I offer in reply is a shrug and the ghost of a bitter smile.I was the one who told them to come with me, I think but don’t say. “What if…what if I can’t protect them, Kaelis? The rest of them. Arina…My sister needs me to be strong, and I…” The words are lost. I squeeze my eyes shut and step back, shaking my head, turning away as though I could turn from what feels like weakness.
He doesn’t move. He gives me space. Though I can feel his desire to pull me back to him, even if he doesn’t act on it.
“Every time I fight, I lose someone I love. Every time I try to bring down the crown, I’m crushed under its heel. What’s the point of fighting if you lose everything you’re fighting for?” My voice cracks at the end.
Silence is my answer.
I sigh heavily, wrapping my arms around myself, seeking comfort. My own embrace pales in comparison to the reassurance of his.
“There is still a way.” Kaelis continues to hover behind me, close enough that I can feel his warmth. “As long as you draw breath, there’s a chance for us to remake this world. There is still hope, Clara.”
