“Oh, I know that, Helena.” Anna took Helena’s other hand, holding them both now, squeezing tight. “I am merely surprised that I bought the lie so readily. I suppose I was just excited for you, that’s all. Darn thrilled, to be honest.”
“So… you are not angry?” Helena dared to smile.
“Of course I am not,” Anna said. “Disappointed, perhaps. But only because I was so happy for you. And now I am a tad annoyed because I was so looking forward to having another friend I could discuss married life with. You have no idea how excited I was about it.”
Helena laughed and then, overtaken with emotion, hugged her friend so tight that Anna yelped.
“Thank you,” she said, still holding her. “You have no idea how much I needed to hear that. How good it feels.”
“Do not worry about it.” Anna wrapped her arms around Helena. “You know you can tell me anything, Helena. Which I suspect is why you chose to confess.”
“It has been eating at me.”
“No, not that…” She took Helena by the arms and pulled her back to look at her. “My meaning is, why now? Why have you chosen suddenly to tell me the truth—and do not say it is because you felt guilty.” She cocked a warning eyebrow. “Even if that is part of the reason, I like to think I know you well enough to see there is something bothering you.”
“Oh, you don’t know me that well…” Helena stuck out her tongue. “You did believe that I was happily married, didn’t you?”
Anna’s face dropped. “Too soon.”
Helena hugged her friend once more. Then, she took her hand, and they resumed walking.
Already, Helena was feeling better, freer as the weight of guilt was lifted from her shoulders. And for that reason, she was nowhere near as hesitant to reveal what had been plaguing her these past three days.
“You must promise not to judge me,” she started.
“Too late for that, I am afraid.”
Helena laughed. “It is… I was glad when I heard that you had come to see me, Anna. As it stands, you might be the only person I can talk to about this. The only one who understands.”
“Understand what? And please, remember this is not one of your stories. Straight answers would be nice.”
“When this whole thing started, Sebastian and I had an agreement. Inside these walls, we would treat this marriage as it was—a false thing that existed only for our convenience. Barely friends, closer to strangers, there was no need to act any other way. But once in public, we would act as if we were in love and as happy as could be.”
“Done a little too well,” Anna noted.
“And that is the problem,” Helena said bitterly. “I found that I liked the way it felt…” A grimace next. “So when we were back behind these walls, the feeling of being ignored and treated so dismissively hurt like it should not have.”
“Oh, Helena…”
“Stupid me, I brought this to my husband’s attention, and surprisingly, he was of the same mind. Last week, especially, we have begun treating one another as equals, spending time together, and speaking honestly for a change. And it has become so natural that when we do go out in public, there is no need for exaggeration or performance. We act as…” She shook her head. “We act as if we are, in fact, married.”
“Helena…” Anna was studying her. “Forgive me for asking, but what is the problem exactly? You had me worried, but all I hear is what can only be interpreted as good news.”
“It is not good news!” Helena ripped her hand from Anna’s and rounded on her. “You know me as well as anyone, Anna. So you know how I feel about marriage.”
“I do.”
“And you know that the last thing I want is… I do not wish for… I am not some pathetic little girl who needs a husband to make her happy. Marriage is a prison, Anna. That is all it can be. And I know this! I have spent my life…” Her chin began to wobble as emotions welled up inside her. “I do not want to end up in something I know I will hate. It is not me.”
“You are worried that if this marriage continues as it does, you might fall for your husband,” Anna said.
“I worry that my life will be taken from me. The walls I have built are crumbling, and when I look at Sebastian, I do not feel revulsion or… or fear as I need to. Why is that?”
Anna laughed. “May I ask you a question?”
“Please!”
“Say the worst happened, and you and the Duke developed feelings for one another. Has he given any indication at all that he is the type of husband who would take these so-called freedoms from you? That he would trap you, as you seem to think he wants to?”
