I longed for a reason to still think about baby names.
“What can I get you?” he asked, but I just shook my head. Nothing. There was nothing. So he murmured, “Okay, I’ll be right back.”
His heavy footsteps retreated, and I closed my eyes.
It was hard to say for sure how much time had passed before Theo returned, but I jolted a little when the mattress dipped with his weight.
“Ellie Bellie.” His voice was barely audible, like he was afraid he might spook me. Theo brushed my hair back, trying to beckon me to look at him. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. “Can you tell me about the pregnancy tests on the bathroom floor?”
“They’re…nothing.” My voice sounded wooden to my own ears. “They’re wrong. I know they’re wrong.”
There was a long pause. Silence rang, loud. Buzzing. Painful.
“Did they used to be right?” he finally asked.
I couldn’t move for a long moment.
They used to be right. They used tofeelright. As early as thismorning, they used to be the only thing right in my world, the only thing I knew for certain I wanted.
Finally, I forced a nod.
Theo’s deep, sad sigh felt like a weighted blanket as it fell over me. “I’m so sorry, Ellie.” He was petting my back now, touching me like I was fragile. Like I was broken, which was exactly what I felt like. “Is that why you came back?”
I nodded again, and through my tears, I saw that Theo was nodding, too. Like everything made sense now, all the dots connecting. Why I was here. Why Sully had been ignoring his calls. Why Sully was okay with me living here. Because I was pregnant with his child.
But I didn’t think I was anymore.
And what happened—what happened to us, to this, toeverything…when I wasn’t?
“Does he know?”
“He knows that I was, but not…”
“Okay,” Theo reassured softly, letting me know I didn’t have to verbalize it. It killed me—the way I could hear his heart break for his brother and what he didn’t know yet. “Boston?”
“Yeah.” I wiped at my face, and Theo presented me with a tissue. I hadn’t even noticed he’d been holding a box. “Boston.”
He nodded again, connecting more dots. Then quietly, “He’ll be here soon.”
I sucked in, turning over on my back so I could see him better, and plucked the tissue from his hand. Theo’s distraught, brown eyes studied me for a long moment before he began looking around the room, cataloging the changes, likely. Sully had emptied out so much the other day.
At the moment, the thought didn’t help.
Everything was so empty.
But Sully was coming.
And Sully had always known how to fill spaces that felt empty.
“What did youtell him?”
Theo looked back to me. “I told him I stopped by to get more of my things, and you weren’t feeling well. I told him he should come.”
Taking a deep breath, I pulled the covers up to my chin, debating pulling them over my entire face.
“I’m sorry if you weren’t ready, if you didn’t want me to call him…” He shook his head, expression tortured. “But fuck, finding you on the floor like that, Ellie. It scared me.”
“It’s okay, Theo.”
