“Sawyer?”
“I’m here, El.”
“I need to take my shot, but I still feel unsteady.”
“Okay.” His calm was my lifeline. “Let me come do it.”
“No, there’s no?—”
Room. There’s no room. Not for him in this house.
“Is your mom home?”
“No, she’s at work.”
“Come here, then.”
“You’re at home?”
“Yeah, I haven’t left. Wanted to be close to you, El. You shouldn’t be alone.”
I was already rolling off my bed. I didn’t want to be here with the walls closing in on me. Not when I could be with him instead. “Okay, I’ll get the shots and come downstairs.”
“I’ll be on your porch,” he said, and then we hung up.
Sure enough, by the time I threw on one of Sully’s sweatshirts (stolen, of course), grabbed my medication, and made it to the front door, my boyfriend was there waiting.
His hands flexed, like he wanted to reach out, grab me, sweep me into his arms, and walk me across the street.
But I’d told him how scared it had made me when they insisted on wheeling me into the emergency room because what didthatmean?
So Sully didn’t carry me. He took my hand and crossed Maple Street with me, next to me. Then he followed me up the stairs to the bathroom, where he washed his hands and sat on the toilet, positioning me in front of him. Where he lifted my shirt, exposing the bruises on my stomach. He cleaned a spot right next to one, where he was going to make a new bruise.
“I can’t believe the pill did this,” he muttered to himself, tossing the alcohol pad in the trash. “Did you know? That it might happen?”
I shook my head, not really trusting myself to speak.
“You stopped taking it, right?”
I nodded.
“Good.” He looked up, smiling at me, and I had a feeling he was trying to distract me from the sting of the needle. “We don’t need it anyway. Maybe this is just a sign that we shouldn’t wait to have kids.”
My chest cracked open.
Because it was, in fact, the opposite.
Sully hadn’t put two and two together yet, hadn’t realized that the factor in birth control that had caused this life-threatening side effect would similarly be a factor if I were to ever get pregnant. That no less than three medical professionals had already warned menotto have kids until I spoke with my gynecologist and made a plan.
“I don’t know about that,” I said numbly.
“I know, I know.” He huffed a laugh, not understanding. “We should probably finish college. But I’m just saying, with you and me, it’s not like it would be a problem if you were to get pregnant a little early. You know I’ve always wanted to be a dad.”
I swallowed hard, not sure what to say.
But I was saved from answering when Sully pinched a bit of my skin together, telling me he was about to poke me with the needle. I sucked in, nodding when he asked if I was ready, and squeezed my eyes shut until it was done.
I didn’t open them again until I felt his lips on my stomach, trying to kiss my pain away.
