More silence.
“That's a terrible fucking plan.”
“It's the only one that works.” I look at him steadily. “If I tell her, she'll spend two days trying to talk me out of leaving. Or she'll spend two days grieving something that hasn't happened yet.Either way, I lose the two days. She loses the two days. And I'd rather she have them.”
Ian gets up, paces, and I recognize his movements for what they are. Anger. Then he turns to face me.
“I watched that woman check the door every morning for three months waiting for flowers that told her you were still alive. I watched her hold herself together with both hands every single day. And you want me to watch her wake up to you gone and tell her—what? That you had to leave? That you'll be back? While she's standing there with that look on her face that she gets when she's trying really hard not to fall apart?”
The silence between us is the loudest thing on the balcony.
“I can't do that to her.”
“You won't be doing it to her. I will.” I look at him. “And I need you to be there when she wakes up. That's the job, Ian. That's all I'm asking.”
He stares at me for a long moment. The muscle in his jaw works. He looks away, at the city, at the Tower in the distance, at everything except me.
“You're going to leave her a note, at least,” he says finally. Not a question. A condition. “Reth.” His voice drops. “Leave her something. Anything. Don't let the last thing she has from you be an empty pillow.”
“You think this is what I want?” I snap. “You think I want to leave her? That it’s not gonna kill me to walk out that door as much as it’s gonna kill her to wake up with me gone?” I stand, look him square in the eye. “If I had a choice, I would stay,” I bite out. “I’d. Fucking. Stay. But you know as well as I do that’snot an option. Right now, I have to put her safety above anything else. Above what I want, what she wants. Keeping her away from Valeria is the only fucking thing that matters.”
Ian’s green eyes are hard around the edges. He shifts like he wants to pace again, then decides against it, pulling a palm down his face as he inhales deep. “And when you go. What do I tell her?”
“That I'm coming back.”
“And are you?”
“Yes.” I hold his gaze. “That’s the only thing I’m certain about. Coming back to her.”
Ian looks at me for a long moment. Then down at the city. Then back at the apartment. The bedroom door still closed. Her still sleeping on the other side of it.
“Okay,” he says finally. “Is the plan still to get to Mary and Samuel?”
I turn and go to stand by the banister. “Yeah. I just need time. A window. As soon as I get Mary and Lucas out, we disappear. All of us. Somewhere Valeria can't reach.”
Ian is quiet for a moment. Then something shifts in his expression—the easy register dropping into something more serious. “You sure you'll be okay with that?”
I look at him. “I'll be with Sophia. Of course I will.”
“Not talking about that. I'm talking about walking away without ever getting your shot at her.” A beat. “You sure you can just—disappear? Leave her breathing?”
The question sits between us.
I've thought about killing her. More times than I can count and in more ways than most people could imagine. I've built it out in the dark every night for years—the fantasy of the karambit finding the soft place beneath her ribs, dragging slowly through everything she keeps behind that immaculate exterior. I've imagined splitting her open just to prove what I've always known—that there's nothing in there. No heart. No center. Just the hollow architecture of a woman who learned to simulate humanity well enough to weaponize it.
I've wanted to watch her understand, in the last seconds of it, that the thing she turned me into was the thing that ended her. But now, it comes down to choosing between revenge and the woman I’ve fallen in love with.
“If it means Sophia is safe,” I say. “Yes.”
Ian steps up, places a hand on my shoulder, eyes locked on mine. “You’re a better man than me, then.”
He goes inside, and I stand there for a moment longer. The city below. The jasmine. Croissant crumbs.
I'm not a better man than anyone. I'm just a man who found something worth more than revenge. And for now…that has to be enough.
14
SOPHIA
