Chapter Eleven
"What?" Colin rasped.
Kristina hoped she hadn't shocked him by saying she no longer wanted to be an innocent. How could she explain it to him? She would never marry. With her scars and blindness, no man wanted her as his wife. Why should she worry over her virtue? Her future was uncertain, and she made no plans for it. All she had was right now. She merely lived in the moment, day to day. Aye, she was safe here at Bearach, and she was thankful for that, but once Colin left she would have no more romance or excitement. She would only get to live life vicariously through what other people told her.
Colin stroked her hair back from her face. "What did you mean, lass?"
"No man will marry me, so why should I worry about my virtue?"
"You are mad. Of course you will marry."
"Nay, I think not." Besides, if she loved a man, why would she want to burden him and make his life more difficult?
"Surely you've had many suitors."
She gave a brief, bitter laugh. "Nay. No man had ever given me a real kiss… until you." Her voice became a whisper. "And I enjoyed it. Could we do it again?"
He groaned and threaded his fingers into her hair. His hand fisted. She felt a slight tugging at her scalp, but it did not hurt. She liked it.
Focusing on his groan, she asked, "Are you in pain?"
"Not pain, just near unbearable yearning. You make me want you so badly." He moved his hand to her derriere and drew her flush against the hard appendage at his groin. She knew very little about men's bodies, although Anna had told her a bit about lovemaking. She had never imagined a tarse would be so large and hard as steel. Some instinctive part of her loved the feel of it pressing against her belly. She wiggled closer to him, wishing they could be skin to skin.
She kissed his throat, and he let loose a soft moan. He captured her mouth again. Oh heavens, she could simply drown in his kiss. His tongue flicked inside her mouth, teasing and tormenting her, delicious as a sensual comfit.
What on earth was happening to her? She felt like a burning candle… melting… wanting him to touch her everywhere. His mouth upon hers was more drugging than opium tea. She crushed her breasts against his chest, loving the hard feel of him. She wove her fingers through his hair, holding his head just where she wanted it.
"We must stop, lass," he said in a harsh whisper against her mouth.
"Nay, please don't." She pressed her lips against his chin with its scratchy stubble.
When he consumed her mouth again, she was thrilled he had changed his mind. Growing bold, she flicked her tongue between his lips. He growled a curse, then drew away.
"Saints, you tempt me," he ground out. "But I must not touch you. I must not," he declared in a hoarse tone.
She felt like cursing in frustration. How could he stop? She could not bear it. Colin seemed to enjoy touching her, and she certainly loved touching him, so why should she stop? She wished him to turn her from a girl into a woman.
She wound her fist into his shirt and kissed his chin. The short, bristly whiskers pricked and scratched her lips. She flicked her tongue against his chin and, moving upward, found his lips. He was so scrumptious… she could devour him.
He turned his head aside. "Kristina? Do you ken how you torment me?"
"I'll ask naught more of you, beyond this."
"What do you mean?"
"That I want to experience passion now with you, for the first and only time ever in my life, but I ask for no promises regarding the future. I'm safe here with Anna, and so you're free of me. I live in this moment, Colin, for 'tis all I have."
"Nay, 'tis not," he growled. "You have a good future ahead of you."
She placed her finger over his lips. He drew it inside and suckled on it, sending carnal yearnings through her body, then he kissed her palm. "I shall give you something, lass. Not what you seek, but you should experience passion and desire at least once."
"What do you mean?" His words confused her, for she knew so little about passion and what she yearned for.
"I'll show you." He tugged at the hem of her smock, then stroked his warm hand up her bare calf and thigh. His palm was slightly roughened, stimulating her sensitive skin.
At his spellbinding touch, she drew in a surprised breath and held it. He kissed her again, greedily devouring her lips, distracting her and making her crave him all the more.
He moved his hand upward still to where her thighs joined her body and the exceedingly sensitive spot where she ached for him. He brushed his fingers over her, provoking a lightning bolt of pleasure. She could not prevent the gasping cry that escaped her.
