Page 16 of The Way We Swing

Sweat rolled down my face as we finished our last sprint. The sun was already burning at 9 a.m., and I was starting to think we needed to move the workouts to earlier in the morning. A few of the younger kids collapsed on the grass. We made the workout harder than usual, mostly so we could laugh at all the newcomers who only showed up for wiffle ball.

The centerfield fence of the baseball field doubled as the right-field fence for the softball field. It always felt special to play there, knowing the softball team was demolishing their opponents right beside us.

I drove the Durango over and parked along the fence. Easton and Gavin hopped out to unload the grill and rolled it over to the first-base dugout. I joined Ricky, Silas, and Maddux in the third-base dugout, already arguing about who got the first pick.

“This was my idea,” Silas said. “I always get first pick.”

“That was four years ago,” Maddux said, flipping his red hair under his hat. “You can’t use that forever.”

“Biggest dick goes first!” Ricky shouted. He said that every year, and every year we reminded him that meant he’d pick last.

I’d heard people say they realized they were gay in the locker room. For me, the locker room with the guys had always been a nightmare. I had changed in a stall until I was fifteen, and even then, I had moved fast. I didn’t want anyone to look, but more than that, I didn’t want anyone to notice me looking. That didn’t mean I hadn’t seen, as tough as it was to see when it came to Ricky.

We decided picks would come down to a rock-paper-scissors contest. I won two out of the last three, mostly because I kept a notebook of everyone’s habits since we were eight. That wasn’t a joke—the book sat in my desk, the third drawer down.

I won again and didn’t hesitate before taking Easton. I wanted to win, didn’t I? The others were too dumb to draft Gavin, so I ended up with him, too. It looked like we were winning again.

Ricky’s team would be playing mine in the second game, so we gathered in the bleachers. He’d drafted the only two softball girls, and they huddled near him.

To his right was Bella Zink, the starting catcher on the softball team. She had a big afro—or maybe a perm—but either way, it suited her. She could crush the ball and probably take Ricky’s spot if she ever joined the baseball team.

Lying on the row below was Lacy Fortin, her arm over her eyes to block the sun. She was Bella’s best friend and pitched to her on the softball field—which was honestly terrifying to watch. Off the field, they had their moods, but I loved them for it. Lacy didn’t smile often, but when she did, it made your day.

Easton and I sat nearby, trying to pick up on their conversation. Bella kept calling someone named Ally a slut. Her voice rose to near a shout every time she said Ally’s name.

When Easton looked at her, Bella zeroed in. “And who the hell are you?”

“Easton Chase,” he said. “I’ll be going to school with you guys.”

“You’re cute,” Lacy added. “Where are you from?”

“Ashland,” he said.

“Oh crap,” Lacy muttered.

“Ashland?” Bella repeated. “So, you went to school with Mark Blake?”

Easton tensed. “Yeah.”

“Were you friends with him?”

“Whatever you do, don’t say yes,” Lacy warned. “She might kill you.”

“Mark Blake is the worst person I’ve ever met,” Easton said.

Bella backed off, satisfied; Lacy cracked up. Easton looked as lost as I felt. I had never heard of Ally or Mark Blake.

“What are you so salty about?” I asked Bella.

“Don’t worry about it, Quinn.”

"Her girlfriend hooked up with Mark last week,” Lacy said.

Bella scowled. “She’s my ex now. I don’t do cheaters.”

Bella sat there, loud and fearless, like the word “gay” had never scared her a day in her life. I couldn’t even say the word to a mirror. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to live openly about who I was.

But times like this made me a Ricky kind of awkward; whenever talk turned gay, I got weird. I felt like everyone could see right through me. I forced myself to ignore every internal thought, put on a brave face, and hope that would be enough.