Page 38 of The Way We Swing

“The story is about my first crush. It’s actually when I realized I liked girls.”

My sleeves were too tight; it felt like the cuffs were trying to squeeze all of the blood out of my fingers. I rolled them up, the cuffs catching on my elbows.

“She doesn’t know this, but it was because of Lacy. It was sixth grade, and we were working on a science project together…and I just knew then. I had this huge crush on her for about three years, and I never told her. Eventually, I moved on and started dating other people.”

I let her words linger for a second. “How’d you get over her?”

“I’m not sure I have yet. She’s still my best friend.”

“Why don’t you tell her?”

“Some people mean too much to risk screwing it up.”

I nodded. The sound of batting practice rang through my head. “I know what you mean,” I said. “Why’d you decide to tell me now?”

“It seemed like the right time. Maybe hearing this will help with whatever is going on with you.”

She wasn’t going to say anything else. This was my chance to say it—to tell someone. To feel heard. To talk about everything that had been building inside of me since Easton had shown up—really, since I’d realized I was gay.

“Bella, I—” But I couldn’t. Not yet.

“Yes?”

“I need to get home before we break curfew. But thank you.”

“We can talk whenever you want,” she said.

I still hadn’t looked at her. But I stood and got Zach and Easton out the door.

Zach and Easton both jumped in the back of the Durango, neither fighting over the front. Instead, they laughed about whatever they had just said to the girls.Fucking girls.

“Tanner,” Zach said, his voice two levels louder than normal, “Easton and I want some food.”

“We’ve only got ten minutes to get home,” I said, tapping my fingers on the steering wheel.

“Stop at the gas station!” Zach said.

“THE GAS STATION!” Easton said. The two of them laughed like hyenas, apparently thinking they were the funniest people ever.

I texted Mom that we’d be a couple of minutes late and were getting food, and I got the “Okay, be safe” reply as we walked into the store.

They darted for the snack aisle like they were hunting treasure. I grabbed two waters and Tylenol, feeling like the designated adult in a convenience store playground.

We got home, and the front porch light shone, almost like an accusation. “Act normal and go right downstairs. I’ll talk to Mom,” I said as we walked up to our porch.

Mom sat in her chair in the living room; the only light in the house came from behind her so that she could see her puzzles. Zach and Easton laughed as they walked down the hall to avoid her, thankfully not as loudly as they had in the car.

I sat on the couch, tossing my tux over the edge.

Mom put down her pencil. “How was the dance?”

“It was fine.”

“Did you drink at Silas’s?”

“No, Mom. I drove.”

“Did those two drink?”