Page 65 of The Way We Swing

I typed and retyped for nearly an hour, barely lifting my fingers from the keyboard. When I was finished, a smile ripped across my face.

“Bella,” I said.

She looked up from whatever she was working on; I motioned for her to come over. She took a seat next to me before I handed her the Dell laptop.

Her eyes scanned my work, line by line. My knees bounced like they had minds of their own. Clutching my pen tighter, I willed myself to stay still and refused to look at her.

I knew she was done before she said anything; there was something in the way she breathed.

“Tanner,” she said softly, her eyes still on the screen. She looked up. “This is…brilliant.”

“Can you make sure it gets in the paper?”

“Front page.”

“Nobody sees it before we print,” I said.

“I won’t add it until the final draft,” she promised.

I walked into school two days later, knowing that today was the day. No more hiding. It had taken everything in meto write what I had, but now that I’d made the decision, I wasn’t turning back.

I made my way to my locker before Bella found me, the school newspaper in her hand. The paper was thin, maybe three pages deep.

The front page had a small photo of me in my baseball uniform, with the title I had worked on spread across the top.

Safe at Home

My name is Tanner Quinn. I’m a baseball player. I love my friends. I hate history class. I love pizza.

And I’m gay.

No, seriously.

This is the last article I’ll write before I graduate, and it’s the most truth I’ve ever put into words. For years, I’ve been too scared to show this side of me.

Scared that I’d be made fun of.

Scared that I’d lose my friends.

Scared of being who I am.

But when I got asked last week who I was going to prom with, I realized I was more scared of living in secret. Of going to dances and faking like I was into my dates (sorry, ladies!). Of acting like it didn’t hurt me when people made gay jokes.

I’m not writing this to get sympathy. I’m not writing this to ask for anything to change—just to say I’m done pretending.

I’m writing this so that everyone can realize that being gay isn’t just about crying at romantic movies and not liking baseball.

Even as I sit here with the days winding down in my senior year, I’m still nervous I’ll hit delete before I turn this in. My friends are looking at me like I’m crazy with how focused I am.

But I realized in a couple of weeks, this really won’t matter. So, I’m going out on my terms (pun very much intended).

I’m thankful that my family has been nothing short of amazing since I told them. My brothers and my parents act like nothing has changed. So, regardless of the reaction to this article, I know I’ll be safe at home.

Not everyone has that. I’m eternally grateful that I do.

To my teammates: this doesn’t change what the goal is. Hopefully, this changes nothing on the field for you, either. I also promise I want to date none of you because you’re all ugly, so hopefully that makes this news easier to swallow.

I’d never be able to say the words out loud to you guys, but I wanted you to know.